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Original poster

DD Fucked Up - what will happen

581 replies

TheCakeDiet · 06/03/2023 12:44

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 14/03/2023 20:07

Oh don't worry about posters on here OP, MN is full of people who reckon they'd ring the police if their daughter borrowed their eyeliner without asking.

So glad you haven't had a letter yet - everything crossed you don't get one.

Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 14/03/2023 20:11

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2023 20:05

But I think it IS relevant that she had no plan to drive the car 'proper'

But she did actually drive the car!

You're as daft as she is.

I am expecting a letter of prosecution but hoping - against hope - that it won't come.

Just keep clicking your heels together and it will all go away...

I am not squeezing my eyes shut and hoping it will all go away. I am expecting the worst actually.

Christ I was furious with her. BUT as I've just said to @fUNNYfACE36 whilst the legalities of this are not in dispute. There is intent to consider, and endangerment. And I believe her and her BF when they repeatedly explain it the same way. In particular it's worth nothing that the policeman was inclined to agree that it didn't look like she was trying to pull out of the space (which she is perfectly capable of). She had not turned the wheel or made any attempt to check mirrors. She was edging forward at about a snails pace but staying parallel to the kerb.

This thread isn't about me minimising or depending though. I think she's an idiot, but I don't think she deserves to be prosecuted.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 14/03/2023 20:24

thanks @MeinKraft

Brilliant User Name by the way

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 14/03/2023 20:42

Me neither.

Nolongera · 15/03/2023 09:27

TheCakeDiet · 14/03/2023 20:11

I am not squeezing my eyes shut and hoping it will all go away. I am expecting the worst actually.

Christ I was furious with her. BUT as I've just said to @fUNNYfACE36 whilst the legalities of this are not in dispute. There is intent to consider, and endangerment. And I believe her and her BF when they repeatedly explain it the same way. In particular it's worth nothing that the policeman was inclined to agree that it didn't look like she was trying to pull out of the space (which she is perfectly capable of). She had not turned the wheel or made any attempt to check mirrors. She was edging forward at about a snails pace but staying parallel to the kerb.

This thread isn't about me minimising or depending though. I think she's an idiot, but I don't think she deserves to be prosecuted.

Show quote history

I wouldn't let the haters get to you, there are a significant number of posters on here who like nothing better than kicking someone when they are struggling.

They seem to get off on it.

This incident is really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

If I needed support I think I would be better off on piston heads, this level of bile would not be permitted there.

fUNNYfACE36 · 15/03/2023 09:34

Woah! Having a different opinion ion to the OP isn't bile and hatred!

Dayvi · 15/03/2023 14:19

So if you don't hear anything within 14 days, does that mean it's over op?

Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 15/03/2023 15:48

We got the letter today. Gutted

OP posts:
Surplus2requirements · 15/03/2023 15:54

Sorry to hear that @TheCakeDiet , it feels so out of all proportion

monsteramunch · 15/03/2023 16:03

Sorry to hear that @TheCakeDiet

So she's had a letter confirming legal action?

letthemalldoone · 15/03/2023 16:18

Get a good solicitor - just because they've decided to prosecute doesn't mean all is lost yet.

I'm sorry - I think it's very harsh, like some of the rancid posts on here. I think she'd already learned a tough lesson. I don't see how this is in the public interest. When you think of some of the 'activities' of other young people, it's hardly comparable.

Brefugee · 15/03/2023 16:21

but if your DD gets prosecuted, outlines what she told you and nobody disbelieves her, she's hardly likely to get sent on a chain gang, is she?

Florissant · 15/03/2023 16:22

Oh, no. I'm sorry @TheCakeDiet.

Dayvi · 15/03/2023 16:24

I'm so sorry TheCakeDiet. What does it say?

Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 15/03/2023 16:27

Sorry, on work zooms. Will come back in a bit with details.

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 15/03/2023 16:39

Randomhead · 06/03/2023 13:07

Oh give her a break. She made a tiny mistake that turned into a big one. Poor thing.

This. It's seems like the BF's mum has the right idea and everyone else is massively over reacting!

Brefugee · 15/03/2023 16:51

sorry, my post came across as quite dismissive. What i mean is, it's a shame it got to this, but it might not be as bad as you think it is.

MadeForThis · 15/03/2023 17:11

Just points?

CrosswordConundrum · 15/03/2023 21:55

Sorry to hear that OP 💐

Wolfiefan · 15/03/2023 22:01

Sending you and DD best wishes.

Mischance · 15/03/2023 22:09

Me too. This is silly mistake and she has learned her lesson. Even the police understand that. They deal with thugs fighting in the street who get away with it as they run off - far more dangerous. They have a sense of proportion.

Inkypot · 15/03/2023 23:17

Sorry to hear a letter has arrived.
It will be a hard lesson she's learning but I hope this means your daughter will be a really safe and considerate, mindful driver in the long run.
She's experiencing a scary time just now but she's learning the seriousness of doing something daft behind the wheel.
Fingers crossed it is a massive learning curve for her and will lead to her keeping that learning with her and growing from it long after when she passes her test.
Hope you and your daughter are as ok as can be and wishing you all the best with what is bound to be a rocky experience.

emblematics · 15/03/2023 23:19

This seems to have given you quite a fright and I'm sorry about it. I'm glad no one was hurt and no big harm done.

I must say though that the legalities aren't even the biggest concern here. I would be furious if my daughters (and they are teens) acted like this, with no manners or regard for other people's private property. I don't think it's acceptable to go and sit in someone else's car without their permission, and then to switch it on "because it's cold"! And then to move it forward "to see what it feels like"! It's like a five year old without any boundaries.

realmsofglory · 16/03/2023 00:21

A mistake is forgetting to dip your headlights or cancel your indicator. I cannot imagine my DD who is the same age or any of her older siblings sitting in someone else's parents car and thinking they would start it and drive forwards, The arrogance, the disrespect , the rudeness are just breathteaking.
The OP says said teen supposedly suffers from anxiety too! No

letthemalldoone · 16/03/2023 01:44

realmsofglory · 16/03/2023 00:21

A mistake is forgetting to dip your headlights or cancel your indicator. I cannot imagine my DD who is the same age or any of her older siblings sitting in someone else's parents car and thinking they would start it and drive forwards, The arrogance, the disrespect , the rudeness are just breathteaking.
The OP says said teen supposedly suffers from anxiety too! No

Were you ever 17??? In fact were you ever young or have you been perpetually old?! You and your perfect children!! Guess what, I have learned in life that people are human and they do make mistakes sometimes, and I have empathy for that which you clearly do not.

My three are all older and no, they haven't done this but I'm pretty sure they've done other stupid things and so did I. Children learn from their mistakes. We all do? I'm in my early 60s and you know what, I still fuck up sometimes? Don't you?

I wasn't going to refer to this because I will no doubt get the usual MN abuse, but I just wanted to give you a little hope, @TheCakeDiet, and I don't care what the haters have to say. I'm a good and law-abiding person, and I have an unblemished driving record of 40+ years but I once made a stupid error of judgement that was not intentional and harmed no-one. It would have been fine but, unfortunately for me, some jobsworth plod was behind me and reported me. I was offered the option of a caution and points and I accepted it as, unfair though I felt it was, I was not confident about the outcome if I contested it - only for the PC to come back and say that his superior had vetoed it. He was pretty disgusted too, and the officers who came to take a statement in my home couldn't have been nicer.

Like you and your DD, @TheCakeDiet I was devastated because things like this just don't happen to people like me. I couldn't be more law abiding. PPS decided to pursue it - couldn't believe it. I got myself a solicitor, who attended court on my behalf (thanks be to god I didn't have to go; I'd have died off), and at the end of the day the case was withdrawn. Solicitor while initially a bit harsh told me how refreshing he found it to encounter someone who was genuinely upset about the whole thing, as he was more used to dealing with repeat offenders who couldn't give a shit. Do everything you can to demonstrate that your DD is of good character, has good family support, is pursuing her education, all of that kind of thing.

Have you told your husband? That's kind of what's worrying me. Surely to god when the chips are down, he will support his own child? x

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