DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

There is two parts to the incident, the mum doesn't want to support her vehicle technically being taken without consent so that would go no further. The driving while only having a provisional licence and no insurance is a completely different matter and the mother would have no bearing on this and police would deal accordingly.

I said this about 4 hours ago. It absolutely sounds like she has been reported for summons. How are you sure that they didn't caution her? Because she may well have been so anxious that she didn't realise what was happening.

Basically she now has a 6 month period where she could at any point get a court summons through the post. If anything that will be a huge lesson to her.

The best outcome she can hope for is that they don't put the paperwork through. This happened to me back in my wayward youth and I feel very lucky!

Why all the raging, livid etc , it's a daft mistake and they're might not even be any follow up, calm down ffs

This op! I am
sorry I think you are overreacting

My friends son did a similar thing as a teen learner but actually drove the car to another location in the night with friends in the car with him (none had passed their test) where the police stopped them.

He had to go and report to a police station regularly with fixed appointments where the police talked to him said they hadn't decided what to do. Then at about 6months the police told him they had decided not to take it any further .

My friend felt the police were making him check in regularly so he remained cautious so he learnt his lesson without a criminal record .
He was able to take his driving test during this period without issue and passed.

SS will close it at the front door MASH. Too much paperwork for police. You will not hear from them again. They wanted to scare her

Op if I was you I'd ask for this to me moved to legal.

100% this. It will all be fine. Please try not to worry.

What has it got to do with social services? So much drama .

Did she get a Traffic Offence Report? It’s like a carbonated slip of paper about 30cm by 10cm

It’s ages since I issued any traffic tickets and it may be unique to where I worked, but I didn’t decide on tickets or summons anyone to court for a traffic offence. I just submitted the TOR to a central bureau and they took it from there. I never heard the outcome. So it could be there still could be further correspondence, whether it’s a NIP or no further action. They also could offer courses but whether this is an option if you have no licence, I don’t know

OP it’s some years ago (!), but I remember being 17 and doing what can only be described as stupid shit my now mid-40’s self think would WTF were you doing?! Answer is I was thinking like a brain with 17’s year’s development and perspective.

In the scheme of things I really don’t think this is bad - she feels v remorseful, she admitted it, you have given her the consequences and that’s that. That doesn’t sound like a bad kid to me and sounds like good parenting she’s told you the true and there is a cause and effect. She’ll learn this lesson, like we all learn many in life. No one is perfect.

Good luck 🤞

I doubt the police will do anything. Too much paperwork.

The whole thing is a scare tactic together with a father who won’t let things go it might get not turn out how people think.

I have been in a position having done something really minor which every one made so dramatic and end of the world bad that something in my brain clicked and I realised that I could do worse and there wasn’t anything worse I could face
I went from being a child who tried to abide by all the rules to someone who didn’t give a shit.
I had already faced the worse.

Or I do know someone who was so terrified after doing something minor and stupid and being told how his life was over because he had made this mistake he took them at their word and gave up

I am old enough to recognise scare tactics.
and call people out on their words.

Update

Spoke to a Sargent from the station today. He was very kind.

No arrest, no criminal report as I had already understood. A MERLIN report that he doubts SS will pick up on as no real red flags.

He said a report had been filed to the traffic dept because of the fact that a car was damaged and it's anybody's guess whether they will pursue it. He said - in a roundabout way - that it was a shame the report was filed because it's a bit of a waste of time and DD was clearly scared enough so as far as he was concerned they'd done their job... He read me the report and it was 5 feet and didn't leave the parking space inasmuch as the car was still parallel to the kerb. It also said DD was crying and really remorseful, quick to take responsibility and cooperative.

He hopes they don't pursue. Neither car owner (Boyfriend mum and other vehicle) want to pursue. The second vehicle was apparently a battered old car that was already covered in bumps and scratches (thank goodness), and they have tried twice to ask the driver if he wants to pursue but nothing so far. So this counts as no interested parties.

But the report has been filed. He reckons it's 50/50 whether it will go any further and they would have to write within 14 days. So we wait.

Well fingers crossed they file that in the too much trouble bin.

I think your daughter has had a very big shock and she'll never do anything as stupid as this again.

Have you told your husband yet? Do you actually need to tell him?

That's good news, be grateful she hit an old car rather than a new car.
Doesn't sound like she'll do that again in a hurry.

Great that you got to speak with the sergeant and sounds like he was able to put some worries to rest.
How is your daughter today? Hopefully she has had a big learning curve from this but also hope you're able to do something nice and calming together to prevent her ruminating on any "what if" thoughts.

They want to get chasing some real criminals instead of making such a fuss about a teenage girl and, from the sounds of it, an old car that's already covered in scratches etc I hope your daughter is OK and is not being made to feel as if she's committed the crime of the century. Poor girl.

Your daughter is an idiot, and so are you if you give her a 'hug' for this behaviour.

She was on a public road, not a private driveway. She is very lucky if she is not prosecuted.

She may well be prosecuted. So you can live in hope.

@Eightiesgirl you wouldn't be saying that if she'd actually driven off or hit your car just because the owner isn't too fussed about his car doesn't mean the police shouldn't investigate it.

But she didn't drive off, she's faced up to it all and apologised and steps are being taken to make amends. Even her mother is so concerned that she's posted on here and her dad is furious with her. These sound like responsible people to me. I'd rather my car was hit by someone like her and I wouldn't want the poor girl to beat herself up over it or feel like her life is ruined. It's only a lump of metal at the end of the day!

@Sugarfree23 The police can pursue it or not. It is now down to them.

There is nothing to investigate though. It's clear cut. DD is responsible for minor damage to a car caused by her making a bad decision to move a vehicle that she is neither qualified or insured to drive.

She broke the law.

But I think it IS relevant that she had no plan to drive the car 'proper'. She was rolling it forward and had no intention of leaving the space or taking it onto the road. No one was ever in danger.

Not to minimise but to be factual.

Please ignore comments like this. My dd is only 6 and even when she does something wrong I give her a cuddle and praise for being honest and always tell her that no matter what she does wrong her parents will love her, support her and help her set things right. We do this because when my dd gets to 17 and makes a stupid mistake or error of judgement, like we all do, she will be honest and remorseful like your dd. She needs love and support but also to know you are cross. I personally think the fact you have her a cuddle shows her that she may have been silly but no matter what she has your love and you have her back.

@TheCakeDiet it was more the comment 'the police can get chasing some real criminals' that got me.

Like the police shouldn't bother to investigate when a daft teen damages someone else's property.
The fact the other owner isn't too fussed and she didn't do much damage to either car is all very fortunate but they could easily have said "Em well I need a crime ref number for my insurance"