DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

Also thank you @Gunpowder for understanding that they dynamics of every household are different and we all have faults and issues to resolve. Sometimes hearing how calm/measured/reasonable/unfazed all these amazing DHs are on MN, makes me feel extra shit that I come from quite a volatile mediterranean family and married into another one, so even though I am the complete opposite, drama has been following me around since birth!

Police in this scenario sound awful. You dd would never be put in cell for that, what a stupid comment. You don’t need to scare an already frightened child, pathetic performance from the police. And let’s be honest they really need to make a good impression with us all at the moment.

I think op that she will get 6 points which even for a new driver would mean disqualification and having to take the test again. I suspect she will not be able to have further lessons/take her test for a minimum of two years. I may be wrong but think that's what I heard recently at a speed awareness course

@TheCakeDiet I am so proud of you for telling your husband! And I am really glad to hear he took it a lot better than you might've expected.
It sounds like he was really reasonable about it and pointed out some very valid points.
The fact the secret is out now will hopefully help your daughter feel a bit less anxious as now you can speak freely about it at home without having to sneak around her dad. Well done and you're right there are all sorts of people out there, my hubby is the very calm chilled type but my BIL is much more fiery- both are loving kind people just different personalities. Would be a dull world if we were all the same 🙃

@TheCakeDiet I doubt there's much legal advice you can get until you have an actual notice of prosecution and exactly what for.

Have been lurking, and as someone who should have “unthinking and impulsive” tattooed on her forehead, I really feel for your DD. She’ll be so much more careful about everything after this and she’ll learn that most shit is survivable, hope she doesn’t beat herself up too much - nor you, you sound lovely.

My strong advice would be ABSOLUTELY NOT to talk to the police, they may ask her to go in for an informal interview, she should politely decline this, as these are fishing expiditions - they may then arrest her, which is fine, and take her for interview under caution, at which point she should only talk with a solicitor present.

The outcome at the most will be a ban, slapped wrist from magistrate, fine. so its quite important to do things properly, not roll over and give them a conviction on a plate.

Often in my experience of dealing with kids over the years and the law, once the police find they know their rights and are happy to plead their case in court the case vanishes, because its suddenly a load of bother!

She has done wrong, but that doesn't mean she should't put up a defence.

She has also said she has phone footage of them getting into the car and sitting there for ages before DD moved the car forward...

Fucking hell. What a busybody.

MumofHorace · Today 12:53
Have been lurking, and as someone who should have “unthinking and impulsive” tattooed on her forehead, I really feel for your DD. She’ll be so much more careful about everything after this and she’ll learn that most shit is survivable, hope she doesn’t beat herself up too much - nor you, you sound lovely.

------
Totally agree with this! Some of the responses on here are totally unnecessary and I am frankly glad these people weren't my parents!

Your poor DD messed up, we've all messed up. A proportionate balance between you being angry and upset for her, then stepping up and being supportive, is exactly what's needed. I hope this works out as well as it can for her.

Have you read the thread, or even just the OPs posts?

Oh my lovely, I'm so sorry to hear how far this has gone. We have all made stupid mistakes. All of us. We have all done big stupid things and luckily come out unscathed and we have all done tiny things which had unexpected massive consequences. Your daughter sounds like she has had her first taste of doing what could have been something small and insignificant turning into something huge and traumatising.

Rationally though, this doesn't have long-lasting consequences. At very, very worst, she goes to court and has a fine and has a ban for a year? Two years? At her age a ban isn't going to affect her that much; it's not like she needs the car to go to work to feed her family. If it were me, I would be saying "you've made a mistake, we've all been angry, but even the very worst consequences won't affect your life in any meaningful way. Whatever happens, it's going to be ok"

Sorry but "someone wanting to make a statement" is not a strike against someone in a police matter.

I’m genuinely confused by all of this. Mum and neighbours (the 2 cars involved) don’t want to take it further. Therefore no car insurance companies involved. That should be the end if it. I don’t understand why the police had to involve SS or DVSA?? It’s nothing to do with them. Who was the letter from OP? Police, DVSA, Courts, or someone else?

Seven police car response???? FfS!!!
just this one alone was a scare for life. Definitely get yourself a legal help, it’s exactly the sort of situation which can go different ways so it’s better to be safe then sorry.
Glad that your DH reacted sensibly.

Letter about what? This all seems so blown out of proportion

I don’t understand why the police had to involve SS or DVSA?? It’s nothing to do with them

*

We don't know that they did.

No doubt an empty threat.

No copper is gonna waste his time calling the DVLA over a teen who drove a car 5 yards -

All you can do now is wait until she receives a NIP (notice of intended prosecution) or NFA letter. Sounds like it's in the hands of a police decision maker

I'd have thought that legal advice would always be a good call for something like this. Seven police cars and handcuffs does seem absolutely ridiculous.

Footage confirming the story make it more likely that it would be reasonable to say it is not in the public interest to prosecute. If it showed her trying to take it for a joy ride that would be different.

The police response sounds rather ridiculous to be fair but that is hardly unheard of.

A 7 police car response?! How many police from that shift would that have been? Really 7 police cars?!!

Re solicitor, I would keep powder dry until you know if she is to be prosecuted and what for. If it involves court then I would throw money at a decent solicitor. I guess potentially it's driving other than in accordance with licence and no insurance. When you get the notice of prosecution I would consult then.

In hindsight the police response looks like overkill but at the time they were responding to a report of a car being stolen. Perhaps there had been a spate of these in the area.

Police still involved because this took place on a public road.

TWOC is a tricky one. A relative was prosecuted for this when he borrowed a vehicle from his DB. If he hadn't admitted to TWOC the other brother would have been guilty of knowingly allowing an unlicensed/uninsured driver to use his vehicle.

Legally, she is a child. She can't vote, get married or drink in licensed premises.

Yes, she is old enough to take responsibility, and it sounds like she is doing just that, with the support of a loving mother.

The PPS' action is totally disproportionate though. In a world where we have teens actively 'joyriding', stealing, engaging in violent crime, stabbing etc - surely this is excessive?

7 car response they must have been bored that night-if someone steals a car round here they give you a crime reference and say theyve put it on the anpr system thats about it