DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

there is no resolution, what was in the letter ?

OP. Since you’ve been contacted I assume traffic are taking this further. Have you let BF’s mum know ? I ask because in your opening post you said that she had told the police she did not want to bring charges. If your DD is charged, this could have implications for BFs mum, as she could potentially face charges herself for allowing them access to the car unsupervised by a qualified driver. It could also have insurance ramifications as she confirmed that the car was not being stolen, so the insurance company may hold her responsible. Sorry to pile on more agony, but I think you need to let her know so she can get advice as to the way forward if she is implicated.

Wow, some people are cruel on here! Of course she deserved a hug (and will deserve more hugs). She was stupid and made a massive error of judgement but that is all, there was no malicious intent.

However, I do disagree with one of your posts OP where you said she was 'unlucky'. She wasn't unlucky, she was silly. I hope the consequences aren't so significant that they impact her for too long, and I hope she learns from them.

Can’t help with DVLA but can help with yours and DH’s responses…
We had a different but similarly serious issue with DD -
DH hit the roof and I was the measured ‘we all make mistakes, we’ll get through this’ one. Actually, the dual response helped her navigate the seriousness of the problem but also with support, and although it took years to genuinely get past it, we did.
There is light, keep plugging on.

Helpful 😂

How is your daughter doing? I feel sorry for her, as it's all hanging over her head.

I think you are over reacting. She was silly I agree. But that’s it. No one was hurt etc.

We all have done silly things. Looking back I parallel parked a car for a friend when I was a uni student. No insurance etc. But she couldn’t do it. I look back now and think oh my god!

I doubt anything will happen.

@TheCakeDiet - I’m sorry to hear that this is being followed up. I hope it’s nothing too serious and that it won’t impact your DD too badly. Some posters on here are reacting like her and her bf had been joy riding at 100 miles an hour! I have a DD your age, they are teenagers and sometimes do daft things but hopefully they learn by their mistakes and it certainly sounds like your DD has learned from this.

You sound like a lovely supportive mum and I hope things work out ok for your DD.

She's alive. Neither your life or your daughters has fallen in. She young and she has made one of many mistakes she'll make in a lifetime.

I did something similar as a teen learning to drive, no one hurt, bit of bent metal!! can't remember the exact circumstances and how long it too, it was 30 years ago, but a letter arrived from the DVLA and I was required to surrender my provisional licence - then got it back later, 6 months maybe.

They have no doubt changed their protocols now, the thing is for your DD no one was harmed, the police are not charging her, its just the DVLA admin to go through, that will be what it will be, it will probably slow down, as it did for me, her getting behind the wheel and give her a chunky early insurance premium.

That said, the early shock will probably make her a safer driver, I certainly have been, not a point or a ticket since!! (theres tempting fate!!).

This thread has really made me think. My parents aren't laid back hippy types, and I found them to be quite strict. However, when I did some very stupid typical teenage things (got catastrophically drunk aged 16 at a school fireworks display/caused a massive scrape on the side of my mums car as a newly qualified driver) they were so measured and didn't get angy, even though they were concerned and disappointed. I seem to remember my dad being very sympathetic. The fact that they didn't loose their shit made a deep impression on me and I found it much easier to make changes to my behaviour to ensure that I didn't get into these situations again.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is: yes, this is serious, but please dial down the drama.

Oh no, what did the letter say OP?

OP please seek legal advice. Without wanting to add to your stress, I have seen cases involving married couples where BOTH people are prosecuted for driving with no insurance-the one partner for actually driving with no insurance & the person who is insured, prosecuted for allowing the uninsured to drive their car. (Slightly different in this case as car belonged to BF Mum.) However, if this ended up in a Magistrates Court, Magistrates are human beings perfectly capable of understanding facts & always approach things with a mindset of, is this in the interests of justice to prosecute? IF it ends up in court, that might be deemed punishment enough. Also please reassure your daughter, whatever happens, in the big scheme of things this was a silly mistake but no one got hurt-she did not have evil intentions-far worse happens! Life is sometimes tough & she absolutely needs both her parents support. Good luck.

That you know of, surely?🙄

I had three teens and i do not know if they ever drove on the public road or shoplifted or even did a armed robbery - all i actually know is that if they did they did not get caught.

As screw ups go this is small. If she drove drunk and hurt someone that would be major. If she passes her test and has a 6 month ban that sucks but her life will go on. Incidentally points on a licence need to be issued by a court, not an administrative agency (they just update the system).

In 5 years time all she will be looking at is needing to declare it on rare occasions she is needing an enhanced criminal records check (things like security clearance). Social services are not going to care if it was a kid with a provisional licence moving a car 5 feet (it will be a tick box issue), they have serious stuff to deal with. As there has been talk of points you may want to check what is happening as that would require a referral to the court system.

She will be feeling really shit after this, I would suggest not escalating it further. As a parent you need to ensure perspective is taken (perhaps tell your DH and remind him of this).

So they are either honest or very capable...

The main thing is, OP, that you and your daughter handle this with maturity. This is where parenting really comes in. No matter how you feel inside, you must show your daughter that you are calm and things happen and you have to deal with it and accept the consequences

Wise words - and from the sound of things I'm sure OP will

My cat was killed in similar circumstances by someone just like your daughter-almost identical circumstances actually.

It's obvious to me that she was intending to drive the car because that's common sense and the common sense option is usually the best one.

As for your daughter and her defence-have you ever heard what Mandy Rice-Davies said as a retort to someone who had put forward an equally unbelievable defence.?

Look it up. It fits

Well really all of us were teens at some point. Most of us wouldn't have got in the drivers seat of someone's car without a licence etc.

I'm finding it increasingly incredible that the 3rd party doesn't want to claim the insurance for the 'dink'.

yes it’s annoying and frustrating when youngsters do something irresponsible but she’s ok and no real harm done. She will learn from this moment of silliness and it won’t take her getting arrested, injured or killed as it does some young people. She might have a higher insurance premium or get points on licence (although doubtful as it’s the police and courts that do that) but it’s a life lesson and no one died.

One kid I know was done by police for practicing his parking in a car park with his friend who wasn’t old enough to supervise. He was actually prosecuted by the police although they acknowledged that it was a bit shit. He got a ban before he’d passed. Think you have to take an extended test after that and yes it messes with insurance. Police aren’t pressing charges in your case so just wait and see what happens. It’s not the end of the world and kids do make mistakes like this

I have no idea why this would be reported to social services?

That aside, literally everyone accused of doing something wrong will come up with an explanation of why they really weren't doing anything wrong.

Your DD may be being honest but the Police and DVLA will hear these kind of excuses daily and it's just their job to go on the facts of what occurred and not any potential excuses or explanations.

Hopefully the consequences won't be too tough.

It all sounds a bit convoluted, but shit happens, especially with teenagers, and this sounds out of character. Surely you’d think the neighbour would recognise the kid who lives next door, and surely joyriders don’t just sit there in the car chatting for ages and then shunt the car forwards and get out to check damage? Very weird, and doesn’t quite add up, but I doubt you’ll get to the bottom of it and it almost doesn’t matter now as the situation is what it is.

She may be more or less uninsurable when she passes her test, so be prepared for that - it will be upwards of £3k in an old banger I would say if she has 6 points. But who knows, maybe nothing at all will happen.

As for DH, I suppose he’s never done anything stupid in his entire life? In fairness to him, I’d be the one hitting the roof in these circumstances and DH would be the voice of reason. I think you need to tell him though, secrets are not a good thing to start.

It’s done now and hopefully lessons can be learned and everyone can move on.

This!

It's hardly the crime of the century. I wouldn't over-worry about it.