DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

The problem when I haven’t is that I end up having to explain I was replying to someone else or having to go through my explanation.

I want to hug you and your DD. This is horrid now, but as others have pointed out no-one was hurt (except financially), and teens do silly things. This too will pass, and become a family story to warn the next generation. I too have my fingers crossed that the police 'forget' to do anything more about this.

There is no technically about it. She was driving without insurance or a licence and she clearly has been prosecuted for both if the police are talking about points on licence and she'll be fined as well.There's a difference between being summonsed and being charged.

She just hasn't been charged with a criminal offence ie 'TWOC' because the mother was happy to say she gave son's gf permission to drive which is lucky for the son's gf. Hopefully there isn't much damage to either car because the mother wouldn't be able to claim on her insurance if she said she'd given her son's gf permission to to drive the car (yes she was driving no matter how small the distance moved).

she wont get 6 points and if she pays for damage cash, no insurance is ever going to know in the future....stop worrying....my ds got 2 points and 60 quid fine for driving with no licence, he had mot and insurance.

It sounds like you are taking it personally OP - but her actions, idiotic as they were, reflect on her immaturity and not your parenting ability. She's screwed up, now she has to live with the consequences. I wouldn't be too hard on her, she's obviously genuinely remorseful and has accepted the financial cost being on her. Your job is to support her now that she's made this mistake, don't make such a massive deal out of it. I'm sure in the long run this is a good thing - she's much less likely to do something stupid like this again and looking at the bigger picture, no-one was harmed.

There's something very iffy about her response here (and her hurried retraction)

asked her several times if she is covering for her DB and she swears not but did, ambiguously add, that she 'would have if he had been as it would be worse for him as he is 18'.

Would it? Worse in what way exactly? Did BF tell DD that, and if so.. when?

Perhaps when they were both out of the car just before the police arrived, they had a discussion about who would admit to being in the driver seat? Perhaps he may have persuaded her lie to escape his mother's fury , or because he was afraid he'd fail a drug or alcohol test.

www.thinkinsurance.co.uk/personal/convicted-driver-insurance/is-there-a-minimum-age-for-a-convicted-driver-policy

I personally wouldn’t tell your DH, from what you have said in your posts so far. Doesn’t seem like it would help the situation.

Ah OP, I honestly don’t think there will be any dire consequences from this, and the police chat has most probably done its job with your DD, and scared her into never doing anything similar again. Things like this can easily happen with teens, as you say she was most probably just showing off. Im sure most of us who when inexperienced with cars, have lurched forward after dropping the clutch before, so we know how easy and quickly it can happen.

Same!

Does the DD have the money to pay for the accident?

Does the 3rd party want to rely on the girl paying?
My guess is that this won't be cheap probably the best part of £1000 pounds by the time they include hire car. They'll want to get it reported to their insurers company ASAP, I wouldn't want to rely on an agreement with a random stranger for that amount of money.

Not read all the responses but something tells me she is covering for her bf.

@TheCakeDiet
This, too, will pass.
My teenagers have done some very, very stupid things over the years.
They also have a father who shouts and rants and is unable to control his anger.
Your DD ought to be more worried about the consequences of what she has done than about her father's reaction. An uncontrollably angry parent makes it very difficult for young people to learn that everyone makes mistakes, and that what matters is trying to put them right and making sure that you don't repeat them, because they're too worried about dealing with the parent's reaction.
I'm really sorry you're contending with all of this.
The main 'message' for your DD is that she did something really stupid and you are rightly cross with her for that - but nobody died and the world will keep turning. She will take the consequences, learn from the experience, and move on.

She hasn’t ‘clearly’ been prosecuted for both. She hasn’t been prosecuted. She hasn’t been charged. The police are doing the right thing, giving her the fear that there ‘might be’ repercussions etc. The DVLA so not issue points or bans. The police do. And they haven’t in this instance.

Yes - i would like to understand this. Has she clearly been prosecuted? This is actually my original question. Thank you.

Who's car did she hit ?

In truth I'm more concerned about her father's reaction than anything official that might happen. I'm married to one of those man-babies who can't deal with the shit that life throws at us all from time to time without making everything about him and so much more stressful than it needs to be. Married only on paper for this reason. If you can't trust your DH to be the adult in these circumstances I'd advise against telling him at all.

Yes I know the DVLA don't issue points but the police officer does need to go back to the station and submit the paperwork in order for it to go to court. The officer can't even say exactly what will happen because unlike a FPN where the penalty is fixed the court has more leaway.

She'll get a summons through the post. I have said 'clearly' because in the OP she says the officer said the daughter may get 6 points and a ban. She could get more. If she was not being prosecuted they would have said so but it's not something that can be forgotten about as there's a third party involved (the neighbour) whose car was hit by an uninsured unlicensed driver.

I would never have imagined such consequences for such a non-event. I think your daughter must be feeling gutted. She clearly never envisioned that sequence of events at her young age and didn’t have criminal intentions.

And now her mum’s livid, she knows her dad will give her hell for weeks, she’s been shaken up by the police, she’s pissed off her boyfriend’s mum, SS are coming to her house.. She’s been terribly unlucky! I’d give her a hug, buy her some ice-cream and have a talk. She needs her mum.

I did some pretty stupid stuff as a teen, shudder to think of it now and I certainly couldn’t explain it.

it sounds like there will be consequences, but that they are limited, mostly financial. Sounds like she is beating herself up big time so hopefully has learnt something.

surely your dh has made mistakes in his time?

I hope your dd is ok op and yourself too

I think that if the police didn’t charge her last night with a traffic offence then she won’t get any points?

I might be wrong but it sounds like the police were not sure how to deal with what is not a straightforward Traffic/driving offence.

She made a mistake. Not a massive one. No one was injured or died and the consequences were - in the end - minimal. The police can do one with their dire warnings and teeth sucking about how she's lucky not to be locked up etc. such bullshit.

Let it go. She's clearly sorry and unlikely to do it again. I'm sure a nice letter and a bunch of flowers to the nice owner of the pranged car will do the job and it can be put to rest.

People need to stop acting like she's hotwired a car, gone joy riding and taken out a family.

To be fair to her, it's a mistake caused by naivety but she's been super unlucky.

The consequences massively outweigh the crime.

If it was me if feel sorry for her and supportive. Albeit both acknowledging it's a nightmare.

Why does social services need to be informed? Don’t understand that bit?