DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

@bhiffandcip you have made your views abundantly clear across this thread. And that's fine - that's MN. And for what it's worth you will note in my first post that I was livid with her. And I have repeatedly said it was stupid, irresponsible and that there will be consequences.

But she did not leave the parking space. Let's be clear on that. Noone was in danger. She did not get out of first gear and did not intend to. She was not joyriding or even slowly weaving up a road. She broke the law, but at no point was anyone in danger.

So i will be cross, but I will hug her also. Because she is my DD and because she is more angry with herself than I am. Because the police put the fear of god in her. Because she is gutted at the consequences. Because she has poor mental health and a shouty dad.

So you can stop now.

*mean

Next steps are surely just you pay to get it fixed? Or if they go through insurance you pay whatever the insurance company or the MIB asks you to when they come after her. And if you can't afford it then she has to pay it somehow.

Oh give it a fucking rest. She bunny hopped a car into a parked car in front. She didn't mow down a school with a machine gun.

@TheCakeDiet I think you've handled this the right way, you've shown her appropriate boundaries and consequences, but also that when she fucks up (as we all do) she can come to her mum for support. SS may make contact with you if the police do refer but it will be along the lines of support and signposting, especially if she struggles with her mental health xx

If she didn't leave the parking space how did she jump forward and hit another car whilst uninsured and without a valid driving licence?

I've just had someone hit my car whilst it was stationary. My insurance is going up. My car is currently needing a new door and the repair place is miles away. I need a hire car because I can't do without a car as I'm disabled.

My sympathy is with the person who has had their car dented.

Tbh I doubt nowt will happen, why you ask, it’s scar mongering by the police. The car only moved 5 ft if that, it wasn’t driven as such and not on the main road. I would wait it out and see, the police I feel just want to scare your DD and it’s working. A few Years ago my friend drove a car he took from his mums and actually rode on the dual carriageway with no licence, just provisional. The police stopped him as a light was out … his Mum notified, got a clip around the ear from his Mum. There was no notification from DVLA because his Mum didn’t press charges, and just got a warning… from the police.

Your DD hasn’t a record, so I think it’s scaremongering on their part, possibly like the power over the teens.

Regardless of what happens with police/points on licence/insurance, in our house we’d be saying no more driving lessons for at least a year due to the clear immaturity on display here. It’s all very well to say she has learned her lesson but that impulse to show off, it’s a very bad thing for young drivers as we all know.

Sorry to hear you are scared to tell your DH…that’s a whole other thread I suppose!

I was just reading all this thinking fuck me, what an overreaction. Glad it's not just me.

I'm quite sure she wouldn't want you fucking hugging her.

Do you not understand parallel parking?

Well it all sounds fine to me. "17 year old does silly thing" is not going to make the 6 o'clock news; and thankfully it was a pretty small silly thing which will hopefully make her less inclined to do another bigger one. She knows she has messed up - she needs time to contemplate it all - and hopefully there will be a good outcome. You will all look back on this and laugh one day.

And there’s the biggest problem right there.

Social service aren't going to be interested in a 17 year old crashing a car considering many are driving themselves. Did it occur on a drive? If so it's private property and police won't take any action regarding the bump the only action would be if the BF mum went down the they stole the car route.

Who does the other car belong to? Is it the BF dad if so I would just cough up the cash for it to be t-cut out and DD can earn it back (hello ironing and housework darling).

FYI I have scratch protection on my car through the manufacturer and someone bumped the car in the car park. I thought it would go down as an accident so didn't bother doing anything about it with the view of getting it done in the summer when the road chips are sorted. I dropped the car off for a service and they fixed it. Apparently minor scuffs from bumps come under fair wear big accident damage.

But she did not leave the parking space. Let's be clear on that. Noone was in danger. She did not get out of first gear and did not intend to.

Of course she did.

Why do you think she was in the drivers seat, had the engine on, put it in gear and took the handbrake off?

Come one now, surely you’re not that naive.
What do you think she was doing?

What’s done is done and I think the police being called, paying for damages and the potential of points or having a temporary driving ban has hopefully taught her a good lesson, so I wouldn’t be over the top harsh on her but the reality is is that she drove someone else’s car without their permission, with no insurance and with no license.

I think they are trying to scare her and tbh I wouldn’t really have said anything to Dd if she had done the same.
It is a lesson to learn.

Why would SS be informed? She is 17 not 7. What are they going to do?

She could already be working and married with a child and her own place.

As for not getting her a car in the near future I think that is harsh.

She moved the car 5 ft. She didn’t go off joyriding or speeding down a motorway in a car chase.

I wouldn’t have her write a letter of apology either. Far better for her to go to the car owners house and tell them that she will pay for any damage and apologise in person like an adult
She made a mistake. She needs to take ownership of the mistake and handled correctly it will be a lesson learned

The problem with coming down on a person with huge consequences is that if there is worse they could do, the worse consequences have already been used and there is nothing more you can do.

@dyrne
Plenty of threads on here over the years of being having cars damaged, parking issues, trespass etc. Lots of empathy for those posters.

it’s not the place of every thread to find the solution to the world’s problems.

And for the love of god will people please stop quoting the very long OP. We all know what you're replying to.

@Cocobutt They were in there chatting for around 20 mintues. They put the engine on because they were cold and she says that she just wanted to drive the car forward a few feet (there was a 5ft gap between the car they were in and the car in front to answer your question @bhiffandcip )

I actually believe that because i remember learning to drive and every single manoeuvre, inch forward was quite exciting. I honestly don't think she would have pulled out and gone anywhere. But again - maybe naive, but I don't think so.

I agree with you, nowt will happen. Let’s put it this way, your DD won’t go all through this again will she. I did something similar last summer. My driveway is on a hill. A Road obvs at the bottom of my driveway. I thought I had started up the car, radio came on etc and lights. However took the bloody handbrake off and obv no power steering when engine not on, and rolled into a ladies three year old top of the range BMW. I hadn’t engaged the ignition. The full impact was devastating, smashed up the passenger door and it bent all my body work frame. The bang was horrific. I knew whose car it was and knocked on the door, the girl was devastated as I was. We switched insurance details, both got sorted, both are like brand new. I didn’t have to pay for her mess as my mobility insurance did. I had to pay £100 for my own.

Purely my fault, I have no idea why I let it go downhill with no engine on, I didn’t even think of putting handbrake on as happened so fast.

I was dreading telling my husband expecting the worst. He was lovely and said mistakes happen, it’s not as if I did it on purpose, as with your DD. I always double check now.

I’m very sorry for your daughter and you. What a silly silly mistake to make. She’s a very young teen , nobody died ( thank gawd) and it’s a massive lesson and fright for her.

I would try to be supportive and matter of fact about it. Hopefully she won’t incur points for this. She’s going to be so upset and worried I’m sure , she doesn’t need her parents reading the riot act too. Hope it sorts it’s self out for all.

I would get her to buy her boyfriends Mum a bouquet of flowers from her own money and to do a sincere apology. Hopefully the repair will not be too much.

@TheCakeDiet solidarity as well from me and thank god she hadn’t of had a couple of glasses of wine as it would be so much worse. The police have let her off lightly I think, as simply sitting in the drivers seat without the engine on can result in prosecution

OP pls reassure your daughter that in the big scheme of things, she's fine. Might be a good opportunity to remind her though, that if she had been drinking & was over the limit and sat in the drivers seat-she could have been prosecuted for drunk driving or 'excess alcohol in charge' this carries a minimum of 10 points-even if you didn't move the car.....the fact you have the keys & are in the driving seat is an offence. Using a mobile phone whilst driving is 6 points. Pls ensure she has a cradle for her mobile phone or better still turns it off whilst driving so is not distracted. I wouldn't tell DH at this stage as it might not end up in court-it would be a Magistrates court that would give points-not the DVLA.

I would agree that yes, both DD and DH have issues with impulsive behaviour and managing emotions. DD is trying her best to sort hers

This is the type of thing everyone in my family would do and have done similar.

We all have ADHD.

Technically she was driving without insurance or a licence and for that she could be prosecuted but the police have chosen not to do that so I can’t see a reason for them to contact the DVLA as there is nothing for the DVLA to do as nothing to inform them of, ie loss of licence.
Looks like a (rather successful) scare tactic.
Hopefully, lesson learned.
We’ve all done stupid things and luckily no one was hurt and apologies and compensation for any damage can be made.
If the police consider it to be the truth, there’s nothing to be gained by anyone else considering there to be more to it.

Glad she can come to you and get a bollocking AND a hug. Not every child is that lucky.

I would be worried that your Dh isn’t thinking clearly

The results of his ranting could be a lot worse than a bit of scratched paintwork.