Would it be weird if I sent this text - friends have messed with my head!

[KingGarlic]

I used to do fitness classes run by a young lad - Mark. Those classes stopped a few months ago. Just before they stopped, me and Mark briefly talked about me doing PT with him.

After Xmas, Mark text me to arrange PT. Then he knackered up his car so I said let's hold off until you've got transport sorted. That was back in mid-January.

Meantime, I've tried other fitness classes and all are shit compared to Mark's. So I want to get PT started soon.

My friend's have been teasing me for ages about him - basically that I'm a cougar. I'm not. Me and Mark get on well. On a girls' night last year out I made some very sexual comments about him but that's about the extent of my inappropriate behaviour. In my defense - my friend (who'd been to a few fitness classes with me) made comments too, and it was a drunken girls' night out so things got rude!

Anyway, Monday is Mark's birthday. I know this because he mentioned it in passing last March and I have a weird memory for dates and birthdays - they just stick.

I was going to text Mark on Monday and say happy birthday and nudge him on the PT. But my friends' teasing has gotten into my head and I'm worried I'll look like I'm coming on to him. I'm not. I just want to get PT started (or confirm that he can't do it) and his birthday is an excuse to text.

Am I worrying about nothing? Or would texting him be a really weird thing to do? Like over-stepping? Would I seem like a cougar?

I need to get a grip and some new friends 😅

Yeah I wouldn't wish him a happy birthday but I would text him and say can we get back to training.

Agreed. You want a professional relationship with him - you wouldn’t text a potential hairdresser or dentist happy birthday.

Stop over thinking it and just text him about the Pt stuff. If you don't want your mates to tease you about being a cougar don't make comments about Mark that imply you find him attractive.

Yeah I wouldn’t message happy birthday it feels a bit stalkerish like you have it in a diary.

However do message him about PT sessions

Our relationship is a bit more chilled than purely professional - we've exchanged texts in the past which are more friendly and non-exercise/fitness/class related. So it wouldn't be too much overstepping.

🤐🤐🤐

This. No happy birthday. That's weird.

Then why bother asking here if you’ve already decided OP? I wouldn’t say happy birthday either, but following up on the PT is fine.

A friend of mine struggles with boundaries and presumed she had a closer friendship with her PT than was the case. Don’t text with the birthday message

I haven't already decided. I was pointing out that I'm a normal human being and wouldn't text a happy birthday message to someone with whom I had an entirely professional relationship.

I was only thinking to text a birthday thing because we're friendly and it wouldn't be massively overstepping.

I hear the consensus. I'll text about PT only.

I’m friendly with lots of people but I certainly wouldn’t send a HB text, keep it professional.

I don't usually struggle with boundaries at all

I'm really comfortable knowing my relationship with Mark and I'm confident there's no inappropriateness on my part at all.

But my friends have got me questioning myself which is ridiculous. Every time me and Mark are in touch, it's like there are ghostly apparitions of my friends huddling around me, leaning over my phone going "Oooooh" 😑

Honestly if the genders were reversed and a man was making crude sexual remarks about his younger female trainer, he’d get his arse handed on to him.

as a pp said, if you don’t want your friends to think you are sexually attracted to him don’t make comments that show you are.

I’d text just about the PT. But also would do it in his birthday. I wouldn’t text anyone about work when it’s their birthday personally.

Just send him a text right now asking if he has transport yet and available to do pt? Has he not got a business instagram or fb page for work? The wanting to text Happy Bday then ask about pt is what makes it weird, as if you are using a bday as an excuse to contact him when if it is strictly professional you'd just message any time about pt.

If you send Happy Birthday it will look a bit desperate at best. If he wanted you as a customer again I'm sure he would have been in touch. Don't be that sad older woman chasing a young guy. It's not a good look and chances are he will be laughing at you.

This absolutely isn't what's going on. I'm not chasing him for anything other than PT sessions.

Yes but like your friends and other people on here, he might think so! He’s obviously going to be friendly because he wants your business and you won’t be the only customer who fancies him. Even if you don’t fancy the guy, everyone thinks you do, so you are coming across like you do.

Yes but you shouldn't need to chase him. If he hasn't been back in touch then he doesn't want you as a customer. The word chase is the clue.

No, he doesn't have a Facebook or Instagram page.

He doesn't do PT full time. He used to run a few fitness classes a week around his other job. Now he's doing PT around his other job which is also partly why it's taken a while to fix something up because he only has some evenings and weekends available.

"look as if"

OP get another personal trainer they are 10 a penny. But it seems you only want him... take a step back and realise why.

Why do you need an excuse to text him? You can contact him anytime in business hours and ask about PT. If nothing is arranged soon, I'd look elsewhere for a PT.

You'll look like a cougar and a stalker if you do