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Original poster

Would it be weird if I sent this text - friends have messed with my head!

96 replies

KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 11:41

I used to do fitness classes run by a young lad - Mark. Those classes stopped a few months ago. Just before they stopped, me and Mark briefly talked about me doing PT with him.

After Xmas, Mark text me to arrange PT. Then he knackered up his car so I said let's hold off until you've got transport sorted. That was back in mid-January.

Meantime, I've tried other fitness classes and all are shit compared to Mark's. So I want to get PT started soon.

My friend's have been teasing me for ages about him - basically that I'm a cougar. I'm not. Me and Mark get on well. On a girls' night last year out I made some very sexual comments about him but that's about the extent of my inappropriate behaviour. In my defense - my friend (who'd been to a few fitness classes with me) made comments too, and it was a drunken girls' night out so things got rude!

Anyway, Monday is Mark's birthday. I know this because he mentioned it in passing last March and I have a weird memory for dates and birthdays - they just stick.

I was going to text Mark on Monday and say happy birthday and nudge him on the PT. But my friends' teasing has gotten into my head and I'm worried I'll look like I'm coming on to him. I'm not. I just want to get PT started (or confirm that he can't do it) and his birthday is an excuse to text.

Am I worrying about nothing? Or would texting him be a really weird thing to do? Like over-stepping? Would I seem like a cougar?

I need to get a grip and some new friends 😅

OP posts:
Happilyhot · 02/03/2023 12:43

Of course you can be a cougar at 34 if the guy is 10years younger. Bit yuck if you ask me. Get a bloke your own age range and a female PT. Problem solved.

Serrassi · 02/03/2023 12:45

You need to either:

be a cougar and pursue a social relationship with him, in which case his birthday is a handy excuse to text and test the waters, so in this scenario you wish him happy birthday but do not mention PT or anything about money / a paid relationship

OR

You ar not a cougar and genuinely just want the PT sessions, in which case no matter how hot he is yoo must behave respectfully and you keep the relationship professional - you do not flirt, you do not ask him personal questions, and you certainly do not intrude on his personal life by texting him on his birthday.

What you must NOT do is pretend its a professional relationship and pay him for PT while also sending him over-friendly messages eg on his birthday. That kind of forcing a too-close relationship on someone you’re paying is creepy and it’s usually older wealthy guys that do it to young women who can’t afford to ditch them as a client. Don’t be that guy.

Happilyhot · 02/03/2023 12:46

Maybe this is a case that you don't want to admit to yourself you are getting older.
A 25 year old man will have his eyes on a woman of early 20s not his fast approaching middle age cougar clients.

newforest1 · 02/03/2023 12:49

F

ehb102 · 02/03/2023 12:53

I had to explain to my personal trainer that for people of my age the first time we heard what a personal trainer is was when Madonna had one and he got her pregnant. Dodgy behaviour has always been linked to PTs - and frankly, young people in their 20s do not always behave as sensibly as they might. I've seen them flirt with people to make a connection, I've seen them do it deliberately as well. We have a great relationship now because (1) We never flirted, I never allowed it (2) we share an activity (sport) outside the gym and were friends there. I have seen so many women who obviously feel overly attached to their PT. It's very hard to keep mental distance when someone you click with is giving you personal attention for 55 minutes. It's embarrassingly obvious in the end, and I've seen some of the messages my trainer gets sent. There are gifts too. So keep your distance, don't patronise him with presents and you'll be fine.

cassiatwenty · 02/03/2023 12:55

Overstepping.

Drfosters · 02/03/2023 12:56

i would just text him and ask about the PT. I’d say in the message you just need to know if he’s interested in doing it but if he’s too busy then that’s fine you will find someone else. You just are keen to keep your fitness up. If you want to put something like, I remember you mentioning your birthday and i think it’s today so hope you have a great day and just let me know when you have a moment if you want to do the sessions or not.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 02/03/2023 12:58

I think you've been given quite a hard time here. People are basically saying if you text him saying 'Happy Birthday' you're desperate and I don't think that's fair.

Only you know the level of friendliness between you so only you can make that decision. If he's mentioned his birthday recently and you're on friendly terms I really don't see the harm in 'Remembered it was your Birthday, have a good one, don't forget to let me know when you're available for the PT again' or something along those lines!

Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:17

TurnipSurprise · 02/03/2023 12:32

Well a lot of bells were ringing reading your post, I went to a similar sounding class in a small town and the PT is around that age and very fanciable!!

So I just popped on to Facebook to be nosy and his birthday is next week.

If his name starts with a T - I can definitely see the attraction, I have had many cougarish thoughts about him too Blush Grin

Just message and arrange the PT - he's not single so leave the rest there.

No, Mark isn't a 'T'. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:21

Drfosters · 02/03/2023 12:56

i would just text him and ask about the PT. I’d say in the message you just need to know if he’s interested in doing it but if he’s too busy then that’s fine you will find someone else. You just are keen to keep your fitness up. If you want to put something like, I remember you mentioning your birthday and i think it’s today so hope you have a great day and just let me know when you have a moment if you want to do the sessions or not.

This was the kind of thing I was thinking. I was going to text and ask about PT and then say something like "Have I remembered right that its your birthday? If so, happy birthday - have a good one"

I mean I wasn't going to send a video of me singing Happy Birthday Marilyn Monroe style in my undies 😅

OP posts:
TurnipSurprise · 02/03/2023 13:21

@KingGarlic ah just a coincidence then, as "T" will be 25 next week. Mind you I can think of at least 3 other PTs in our town that offer very similar services.

I suppose PTs by their nature tend to be physically attractive though. So having a fit young PT is hardly unique.

Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:25

Happilyhot · 02/03/2023 12:46

Maybe this is a case that you don't want to admit to yourself you are getting older.
A 25 year old man will have his eyes on a woman of early 20s not his fast approaching middle age cougar clients.

LOL 😂

That's absolutely not the case. I'm loving getting older. I have more confidence, self-esteem, money, time, freedom, security than ever before in my life. I'm the fittest I've ever been and finally happy with how my body looks. I'm really looking forward to the coming years. I wouldn't go back for a second.

OP posts:
Riapia · 02/03/2023 13:31

I never knew that the words “happy birthday “ could be proof of an inner lust.

MN teaches me something new everyday.
Must be careful who I wish happy birthday.

Comefromaway · 02/03/2023 13:32

Marchforward · 02/03/2023 11:46

Agreed. You want a professional relationship with him - you wouldn’t text a potential hairdresser or dentist happy birthday.

Show quote history

I disagree. I would, for example, wish my piano teacher a happy birthday. It's a similar relationship.

Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:34

Riapia · 02/03/2023 13:31

I never knew that the words “happy birthday “ could be proof of an inner lust.

MN teaches me something new everyday.
Must be careful who I wish happy birthday.

You have been warned.... 😅

OP posts:
Happilyhot · 02/03/2023 13:36

If your life is so great why ask mumsnet if you should keep stalking your fitness trainer. You sound like you want more and are looking for an angle.

cassiatwenty · 02/03/2023 13:39

Yes, if it was another woman who you were paying to be your PT, there'd be nothing unusual texting her about the date to see if you'd need to look elsewhere or to stick with her.

Your PT also has a mind of his own, and can contact you if he fancies you.

Given you've stated you're happy with him as a PT and that he's hard to replace, that's cool. There won't be any awkwardness if you don't make things awkward.

No judgement, we're all nervous when we fancy someone a little bit.

Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:40

Happilyhot · 02/03/2023 13:36

If your life is so great why ask mumsnet if you should keep stalking your fitness trainer. You sound like you want more and are looking for an angle.

As I explained in the OP, I wanted perspectives on whether it'd be weird to text and mention the birthday because my friends' on-going teasing has warped by perception.

That question has nothing to do with the fact I'm very happy with how my life is playing out right now.

Thank you for your input, all very rational and normal and helpful 🙃

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 02/03/2023 13:41

Definitely keep it professional

Original poster
KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 13:43

cassiatwenty · 02/03/2023 13:39

Yes, if it was another woman who you were paying to be your PT, there'd be nothing unusual texting her about the date to see if you'd need to look elsewhere or to stick with her.

Your PT also has a mind of his own, and can contact you if he fancies you.

Given you've stated you're happy with him as a PT and that he's hard to replace, that's cool. There won't be any awkwardness if you don't make things awkward.

No judgement, we're all nervous when we fancy someone a little bit.

That's very true, I wouldn't' hesitate if the PT was a young woman.

I don't fancy PT. He's a good looking guy but I have no desire to pursue anything sexual or romantic with him.

OP posts:
FFF3 · 02/03/2023 13:48

If you’re not interested in anything other than PT, don’t text him happy birthday! If you say you’re friends otherwise and it wouldn’t be weird, then why are you bothering asking here?

Brightshinylight · 02/03/2023 13:51

Yet another vote for just ask about the PT, start mentioning birthdays and he might get freaked out, get the wrong idea and back off.

sort out the PT sessions and if it all gets off the ground then ask about birthdays etc if appropriate.

WonderingWanda · 02/03/2023 13:52

Just text him today and ask about the PT. He may reply and if you get into a chat /catch up it wouldn't be so weird to wish him a Happy Birthday on Monday. The fact that you are over thinking this makes me think your feelings for him are more than platonic to be honest.

midnightblue12 · 02/03/2023 14:00

KingGarlic · 02/03/2023 11:51

Our relationship is a bit more chilled than purely professional - we've exchanged texts in the past which are more friendly and non-exercise/fitness/class related. So it wouldn't be too much overstepping.

If so then what's the big deal in just asking about the PT 😵‍💫

Teawaster · 02/03/2023 14:01

If he had told you last week it was his birthday in a few days and you consider him a sort of friend , then maybe it wouldn't be too odd.
I go to strength and conditioning classes and my coach is a FB friend as are lots of his attendees. We all know when his birthday is though , because he tells everyone and we send messages on FB or PM him.

But remembering it from a year ago and sending him a message is definitely not appropriate, if he hasn't shared the info recently . And I am someone who is good with dates.
But even I wouldn't remember the birthday of someone like that , unless I had a reason to.