Would it be weird if I sent this text - friends have messed with my head!

[KingGarlic]

I used to do fitness classes run by a young lad - Mark. Those classes stopped a few months ago. Just before they stopped, me and Mark briefly talked about me doing PT with him.

After Xmas, Mark text me to arrange PT. Then he knackered up his car so I said let's hold off until you've got transport sorted. That was back in mid-January.

Meantime, I've tried other fitness classes and all are shit compared to Mark's. So I want to get PT started soon.

My friend's have been teasing me for ages about him - basically that I'm a cougar. I'm not. Me and Mark get on well. On a girls' night last year out I made some very sexual comments about him but that's about the extent of my inappropriate behaviour. In my defense - my friend (who'd been to a few fitness classes with me) made comments too, and it was a drunken girls' night out so things got rude!

Anyway, Monday is Mark's birthday. I know this because he mentioned it in passing last March and I have a weird memory for dates and birthdays - they just stick.

I was going to text Mark on Monday and say happy birthday and nudge him on the PT. But my friends' teasing has gotten into my head and I'm worried I'll look like I'm coming on to him. I'm not. I just want to get PT started (or confirm that he can't do it) and his birthday is an excuse to text.

Am I worrying about nothing? Or would texting him be a really weird thing to do? Like over-stepping? Would I seem like a cougar?

I need to get a grip and some new friends 😅

If you don’t want to give the impression you fancy him-even if you don’t-just don’t mention his birthday. My daughter is constantly being messaged by people from her gym finding excuses to message her. So keep it strictly professional and no one will get the wrong end of the stick.

I think I have some kind of hyperthymesia for number-related things. I can still remember the birthday dates of nearly everyone in my class at primary school. Someone only has to mention their birthday in passing and it just sort of lodges itself in my brain.

I used to be the same with landline phone numbers as well.

So I don't know Mark's birthday because I remembered it especially because it's him. I know it because he mentioned it once 😆

Thanks for all your advice everyone. I'm going to bow out of the thread and text Mark about PT only. I really appreciate your perspectives. Thank you.

Don’t worry it isn’t odd. I can remember the birthdays and wedding anniversaries of colleagues from 20 years ago. I can’t remember telephone numbers or names very well but dates stick in my brain.

Have you had a bday since you last saw Mark? I bet he didn’t remember it…
Meanwhile, text him about classes. Go ahead.

You don't fancy him you say? Why mention him in a sexual way to your friends then? Stop lying OP! You sound like you want more than just his PT skills.
He's not interested read the room

OP I don’t think you are stalkerish or planning a passionate relationship with this man. I do think you fancy him, even just a little bit.

You’d wouldn’t have shared inappropriate comments about him or completely overthink this simple text if you didn’t like him ‘like that’. I wouldn’t think twice about sending a Happy Birthday to a man I didn’t fancy. The fact that you are imaging the spectre of your friend watching over your shoulder and mocking when you send the message shows how much all of this has got into your head.

I think you should find a different PT. He can’t possibly be the only decent one in your town although you seem to have convinced yourself that he is.

I also think this thread will be deleted soon because it’s all a “bit outing” or similar.

@KingGarlic , but do you text other people who you feel fall within the same friendship level and whose birthday date you retained from a long time ago?

Whatever your worries are have more tendencies of happening if Mark has the same vibe with you. But don’t define it, and if you must, take some time before you do.

If it was me, I’d text him to ask about the PT (leaving out the birthday), and say that if he can’t do it, could he recommend someone else who could do the combination of training you like. That way it is super clear you aren’t pursuing him for anything other than the training.

The birthday thing would seem weird I think. He told you once in passing a year ago and you’ve remembered it which yes, will look… odd. It also isn’t hugely professional tbh. I’d just send a generic text asking if he’s able to do the personal training yet. If he isn’t by now then I’d argue he actually doesn’t want to do it.

It's not but texting someone you have a professional relationship out of the blue with a message about a detail of their personal life you've remembered from ages ago is kind of a clue.

Jesus. My god you sound so bitter. I once looked on another forum that probably can’t be named on here and they have a thread about MN and say how nasty and bitter this place has become. You’re proving them right.

Great.

His birthday is an excuse to text?

I thought you wanted to arrange PT? No excuse needed. Just do that.

OP it's pretty obvious you're single. Your attraction to this bloke is oozing out of your posts. I get on with my PT but we're not friends and nor would I want to be friends with him, there is a clear boundary. If he wanted you as a client he would have been back in touch. Try again, don't second guess yourself but if a no go then find someone else. But tbh I wouldn't want to be trained by someone who gave me the fanny gallops anyway, how can you concentrate with that going on?

I get that you have to build up trust all over again with someone new but it can be done.

Has it occurred to you that Mark's friends have started doing the old nudge nudge wink wink thing about you and he is deliberately not responding about the PT sessions? I think that's what's happening here.

I think your friends know you better than you know yourself.

What is it you actually want ? PT classes with him or to shag him ?

Gosh, I wouldn't hesitate to send a 'happy birthday' text. Why not make the world a little friendlier and warmer where we can? I would do the same for any service provider if I liked them

Yeah but its fine though, as the comments were only made for fun and part of drunk banter so that makes them completely ok.