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Would you be happy with a male masseur?

107 replies

MrsPotterings · 01/03/2023 12:04

DH has recently told me he doesn't mind if I have a male or female masseur/masseuse. I was really surprised by this and am not sure I would want a male masseur. Would you be happy with one?

OP posts:
xxxSophiex · 01/03/2023 14:26

SirChenjins · 01/03/2023 14:21

Absolutely I would check - I'd definitely only want a female (and not someone born male). I'm paying for the service so will have what I feel comfortable with.

Would you mind me asking if you feel the same about doctors/nurses and other healthcare professionals? I appreciate that might be different as people need a doctor but don't necessarily need a massage, plus as a paying customer we can express a preference

BeetleyCarapace · 01/03/2023 14:28

I work quite closely with a massage therapist (in general, they don't really like being called 'masseurs' and 'masseuses' any more because these terms can carry sexual connotations). He works out of one of the gyms that I also work at, so this is an exercise context, as opposed to a spa.

He is a man and there is a sizeable proportion of female clients who don't want a male massage therapist.

A woman client asking for a female therapist, or not wanting a male one, is completely, utterly normal and no one bats an eye about it. (And nor should they — but a surprising number of clients can be a bit shy about asking, because they think it's unreasonable to ask. It isn't.)

My colleague is wise and experienced enough to know that being massaged is a highly personal experience, that for some women it comes with an element of perceived personal risk, and that him being a man is enough for some women to feel uncomfortable.

At our gym/studio, the receptionist will ask the client at the booking stage if they have a preference for a male or female therapist. It's never left to be sorted on the day; in other words, no client would be put in the situation of getting into the massage room to discover that her therapist is a man when he walks into the room.

Good massage therapists will see the person on the table as a collection of connected musculature rather than a person, if that makes sense. The way he talks about it, he sees clients' bodies as a kind of engineering puzzle or (sometimes) an issue to be worked around, or a problem to be solved (if there are back pain issues or similar).

PoloFruit · 01/03/2023 14:32

whenever I've been in a state of und4ess with a male doctors, for smears, gyno issues, breast examinations etc for lumps there's been another nurse or doctor or the receptionist has been standing in the doorway as a chaperone.
That is obviously not the case with masseuses hence women only please also I'd like to relax which I couldn't do with a male one and relaxation doesn't come into it with a Dr.

EmmaStone · 01/03/2023 14:52

I'm a sadist, so the only massages I get are sports, deep tissue ones that hurt 😂. My most recent massages have mainly been men, and they're usually trained as physios or osteopaths. I have to say, my better massages do tend to be with men, I think for their strength, but I've also had some excellent massages from women (Thai massage in Bangkok by a tiny woman is particularly memorable!).

So no, I don't really give it any thought. I've recently started getting sports massages monthly, and am going to the same (male) therapist to do so. It didn't occur to me to ask DH if he had an opinion on it!

SaturdayGiraffe · 01/03/2023 14:54

I don't mind bc haven't had any bad experiences, but my sister had one in Italy where he grazed her with his crotch too many times.
When given a choice I will choose a female.

waterlego · 01/03/2023 15:00

I said earlier that I am happy with my male sports massage therapist, and I am. But if it was ‘relaxation’ massage, I might be happier with a woman. Rightly or wrongly, I see sports massage therapists as more highly qualified than other types of massage therapist. To me, it’s a therapeutic treatment in the same category as osteopathy or physio.

I wouldn’t actually have a massage for relaxation anyway because I don’t find them very relaxing. I think because they feel quite intimate to me so it isn’t something I’d want a stranger doing to me.

Sports massage is different. It’s uncomfortable and borderline painful rather than relaxing but I feel amazing afterwards! The guy who does mine is a PT and is quite a unit! As such, he is able to exert a great deal of pressure which is what it’s all about for me. His anatomy and physiology knowledge also makes him really good at working out what’s going on in the various muscles of the body and how to treat problems.

icefishing · 01/03/2023 15:00

I have a monthly massage from a bloke.
But I regard it has helping to keep myself moving and pain free rather than a soothing experience.
I've no interest in pampering.

icefishing · 01/03/2023 15:02

It is uncomfortable at the time and sometimes for a while afterwards but then I feel great.
Like my Pilates sessions.

Spudlet · 01/03/2023 15:05

I have had a lot of massages from both men and women, as I am a sports massage therapist myself and we practice on one another during training. Honestly, in terms of the pressure level etc it’s much more about the individual therapist and how well they can use their body mechanics as opposed to size, really. And yes, generally we prefer to be massage therapists rather than masseuse or masseur, due to the rather unfortunate connotations those terms can carry. We get quite enough weirdos without encouraging any of that sort of thinking, quite frankly.

In terms of how I think about my clients - I’m not thinking either ‘phwoar’ or ‘eurgh’, I’m thinking ‘this muscle is tight, so that’s going to affect this joint, let’s work on that first then check the other side’ or along those lines. I’m trying to work out how I can best help. That’s the same whether I’m sticking an elbow in during a sports massage, or doing a hot stone massage which is just about relaxation. ‘This person has been doing this activity so they are likely to feel sore here’. ‘This person has a bruise here, I need to be careful about working around it’. It’s all very practical.

SavBlancTonight · 01/03/2023 15:07

Personally, I do not want a massage from a man. But I see that as an entirely personal choice. DH does not want a massage from a woman, which is a pity as I block buy massages at my local spa as it's a lot cheaper and I would happily share with him but they only have female therapists and he's not comfortable with that. That's just us. If he DID want to be massaged by a woman, I'd have no problem with that and I'd be annoyed if he thought he could dictate whether I got a massage from a man or not.

We have a physio/sports massage place we use for actual injuries etc. DH is okay getting a sports massage from a woman there. I used to be okay with a man but have found as I've got older I'm less comfortable with that, including with the physiotherapist who is a man. Which annoys me as he's great, has never done anything wrong and it's all just in my head.

SallySunrise · 01/03/2023 15:12

I've been to a few male masseurs. I would want to know ahead of time though. Wouldn't like it if that was sprung on me when i arrived.

All have been fine, nothing dodgy. Though one was weirdly located. It was a Groupon thing years ago and did specify that the therapist was male.

Clearly a new setup as it was in this shop that had been divided into smaller units. Though not with actual walls. Plastic sheeting. Most of the units weren't occupied and there was a definite kill room vibe 😂Not the most relaxing, didn't go back.

BringMeTea · 01/03/2023 15:15

Have done. Wouldn't now.

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/03/2023 15:16

Yes, probably have had more male masseurs than women (I get horribly tight shoulders.) Often at home and alone via urban massage.

It's fine, they are very chatty and usually trainee physios or osteopaths. Sometimes they tell me about being booked for a hen night and feeling madly uncomfortable..

I have never felt it makes any odds if it's a man or a woman

YouMadeABear · 01/03/2023 15:21

I wouldn't, no. Male Drs, nurses etc - even for intimate exams - I've been fine with but no to a masseur (I've tried and failed). The ambience and being face down etc was horrible and totally different for me than if it had been a woman. I've got a history of SA though.

DH doesn't mind female masseurs and I have no problem with that.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 01/03/2023 15:30

Well of it is an actual massage then I don't see the issue?

Rosiestraws · 01/03/2023 15:41

I think I've commented on a similar thread before..

I had never thought about requesting a female masseuse before as I always had one then I went to a very famous spa chain in the UK and had a male one. I was a bit shocked as soon as I was called for the massage and realised it was a male but obviously went off with him and unfortunately I had a bad experience - he pushed his erection against me a couple of times. It was one of those situations (I was on my front, covered with a towel from my bottom half but essentially just wearing knickers underneath) where I felt so vulnerable and unsure what to do. It was pushed up against my hand and I thought "what? surely that's not what I thought it was?!" and I doubted myself, I then moved my hand closer to my body and sort of curled it towards me and he moved away. I felt like the only way I could be sure that's what it was was to sit up and obviously end up flashing him my chest and I felt the panic of thinking "well what if I'm wrong"
Then later in the massage he pushed it against my foot and again I felt frozen and unsure what to do. Ofc I was lucky it didnt go further (and tbh I think it probably never would have done - I bet he was the type to get off enough on doing what he was doing where the woman would never know for sure if she was feeling what she thought she was).

I told my friend as soon as I came out but she made me doubt myself (and told my bf via text straight away too and again he was like " are you sure?") and that little speck of doubt made me feel too worried to say anything. But I'm 99.9% sure that's what it was and ever since I've always specified female only and would never have a male examining me in medical situations without a chaperone or anything else like that again...

SirChenjins · 01/03/2023 16:15

xxxSophiex · 01/03/2023 14:26

Would you mind me asking if you feel the same about doctors/nurses and other healthcare professionals? I appreciate that might be different as people need a doctor but don't necessarily need a massage, plus as a paying customer we can express a preference

I've never yet had a Dr, nurse or other HCP massaging me! But yes, I feel the same about males in those roles touching me intimately and always request a female (and at the very least a female chaperone).

xsquared · 01/03/2023 16:19

I've had deep tissue massage at the physio from both men and women.

Didn't bother me as they were professional.

Snipples · 01/03/2023 17:03

I wasn't bothered previously but had a dodgy experience with a male masseuse in Thailand and would only go to a female now. I felt so uncomfortable during it and in hindsight I should've said something at the time but was almost frozen and couldn't wait to get out of there, where I promptly burst into tears as soon as I met up with DH. I wouldn't put myself in such a vulnerable position again.

Lulu1919 · 01/03/2023 17:08

I had a massage on holiday and it was a male ...I didnt book a man but nor did I book a female..I went with it and it was totally fine and still fab,

Strugglingtodomybest · 01/03/2023 17:14

I had my first massage from a man two weeks ago. DH had been to see him first and came back raving about him and persuaded me to go as well.

hattie43 · 01/03/2023 17:21

I have regular sports massage with a male , no problem at all . Very professional and would be happy to recommend him to any female friends .

Fairyliz · 01/03/2023 17:26

No I don’t want a male masseur I would feel uncomfortable and not able to relax properly.

There was one working at Ragdale who was jailed for six years for groping clients, so it does happen.

www.meltontimes.co.uk/news/ragdale-hall-spa-therapist-jailed-six-years-2419745

Growlybear83 · 01/03/2023 17:30

I don't understand why this would be an issue unless there are religious reasons involved.

Serrassi · 01/03/2023 17:31

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 01/03/2023 12:13

It's literally their job. They touch hundreds of people of all shapes, sizes and sexes. I highly doubt they're having sexual thoughts. They'll be numb/desensitised by it.

What total nonsense.

Two of my friends have been groped during massages.

It’s people like you claiming that all strange men are trustworthy that encourage women to put themselves into vulnerable situations, with hideous results.

Like these women who were sexually assaulted during massages:

www.bbc.com/news/uk-62081247.amp

Or this lady who was raped by her masseuse:
www.cps.gov.uk/london-south/news/massage-therapist-who-raped-client-jailed-five-years

Or the hundreds of other women who’ve been attacked by men in situations where the woman thought she was safe because she’d been encouraged to think that by people like you.