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Original poster

What’s your gut reaction to a 38 year old being pregnant?

918 replies

Pegfriedrice · 01/03/2023 09:25

Do you consider 38 old to be having a baby? Just interested in how people honestly feel hearing it as obviously most people would be polite in person but I’m not sure if secretly they’d think it was quite old to be having a baby?

probably overthinking but hey…

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 04/03/2023 18:14

I know several older mothers: grandmother was 42 when she had my mother in 1908, my mother was 40 when she had me, I was 38 when I had my youngest. SIL was 41 when she had her first and most of my friends had babies in their late 30s early 40s.

I'd see 38 as absolutely normal.

YouSeenMyMarbles · 04/03/2023 18:21

I had a baby when I was 41, and as much as I'm biased - it's an amazing experience. He's 9 now and I'm 50, and every single day I have this deep appreciation that I was so blessed to have him. I have 2 other children, born when I was 30 and 32, that I absolutely adored and felt blessed with, but I think because I was older and I know he's my last - I'm in awe 'everyday'.

MadKittenWoman · 04/03/2023 18:23

Had my only baby, through IVF, at 38. DH was 47. DS has just turned 23. Totally normal round here.

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YankeeDad · 04/03/2023 18:29

@Pegfriedrice I would be another one to agree, definitely not too old for a second child.

Our first child was born when my wife was 38, and our second child was born when she was 41. Some of our good friends had exactly the same age profile with children born at similar times. All of them were healthy, and nobody even mentioned the topic of age.

38 might have been "old" to have a child 100 years ago when we had poorer diets, worse healthcare, and physically more difficult lives, but nowadays I think it is quite normal.

YouSeenMyMarbles · 04/03/2023 18:35

Some people think what's right for them is right for others, and that if they wouldnt do something then others shouldn't either. This is called a lack of 'emotional intelligence'. Sometimes sibling think they can talk to each other however they want because they're family. She must do your absolute head-in with her outspoken opinions.

I think it the norm now to get career and house, then start a family - which is why so many women choose to have children later in life rather than sooner.

Pupinski · 04/03/2023 18:39

You're overthinking it. A generation ago some people might have considered it on the older side but it's not at all uncommon now.

People are getting married later, saving for a mortgage is taking longer, people are focusing more on establishing careers before having kids than they used to. All these things contribute to having kids later in life...

pensterino · 04/03/2023 18:40

I had no 2 at age 37, and that was nearly 30 years ago. I didn't feel too old then and you shouldn't either.

LumpyandBumps · 04/03/2023 18:46

My (older) sister’s reaction to me announcing my first pregnancy at age 40 was that she was so excited she didn’t know what to do. She has been a devoted aunt to my now teenage children.
If she saw your post she would probably want to have a word with your sister.
Ignore the negativity and do what is best for you.

readingbluecat32 · 04/03/2023 18:53

Hi OP!
congrats on the pregnancy - I am 36 and 3 days off having my little girl. My friendship group has mums ranging from 31-41 so no I don’t think it’s bad or frowned on as much, here are my reasons - 1) it’s taken us a long time to get pregnant so maybe older than my husband wanted but also I am not that unhappy about 2) I wanted to get married, have a house, the car and eveything ready before 3) i needed to be at a level of my career I could afford to take time off or afford childcare or stuff kids need 4) I needed my parents to be retired to be able to help me.
so actually I don’t think I could have done any younger and pleased we waited.

hope all goes well and any pregnancy is a blessing - so anyone who says anything negative can go an suck an egg! Hope it all goes well for you!

Shazzamma · 04/03/2023 18:56

Had DD at 38! She's a gorgeous nearly 22 year old completing uni and I'm a proud nearly 60 year old loving life. All the best xx

Crumpledstilstkin · 04/03/2023 19:08

Interesting question. I tend to assume that someone who hasn't kids by 35 or so probably doesn't want them or can't have them so might be a bit surprised by a first but a second baby within 5 years or so of a first would be more expected. I think this is because I'm very much done younger and am quite cautious so would be really worried about not conceiving if I had waited. In neither case would I be anything other than pleased for them

Gemcat1 · 04/03/2023 19:26

These days people are having their first child in their mid-40s, and?

Falloffgirl · 04/03/2023 19:58

I haven't read the whole thread but OP, just remember, when someone says something negative about you or your choices, what they are actually doing is projecting onto you what they think about themselves.
They feel rubbish about their thoughts and want you to feel the same.
BTW 1st DC rocked up when I was 38, we didn't have any more through choice and my age was a factor for a variety of reasons.
If I was thinking about trying for a second at 36 I wouldn't think I was too old.
There are the odd times I wonder if we should have had more, but 99.9% of the time I don't.

StaunchMomma · 04/03/2023 20:18

My gut reaction is it's nobody's business and if anyone is ridiculous enough to pass judgement then that's their problem

songdancer · 04/03/2023 20:25

I was 40 when I had my last child. My youngest is now in college, and I am more current with computers and with generational differences than most parents. Plus we joke that I have gone through high school 4 times now, and helping with homework over decades has kept my math skills sharp.

My grandmother was 42 when she had her last child.

And btw, this child was better off financially than his siblings, AND he was young enough to help his mother when she was in her 90s, unlike the rest of grandma's children who were too old to travel and had their own older-age health problems.

There are some advantages to having children later in life.

Coffeeandcatsforlife · 04/03/2023 20:28

An acquaintance of mine just had a baby and she’s 38. Been trying for years. Her partner is mid 40s and has grown up children and grandchildren. I was so incredibly happy for them all.

Backstreets · 04/03/2023 20:34

Massive congrats would be my reaction! Most of my acquaintances had their children later in life, it’s become fairly common.

HamBone · 04/03/2023 20:36

Pegfriedrice · 01/03/2023 11:42

for those asking, my sister is younger than me. She had her one dc in her twenties. I hadn’t asked her opinion she just stated it as a presumption that I was ‘done’ having children because of my age.

really appreciate all the responses, thank you.

Having a child in your 20’s is highly unusual among the people I know, I can think of two who’ve had the first child at 28 and 29 respectively. Everyone else had children in their 30’s, and 40’s.

Your sister’s experience/attitude isn’t the norm nowadays.

passionpackaged · 04/03/2023 20:40

I'm another one who'd be thinking 'rather you than me'.

I'm 50, and if I thought I was going to have to contend with children going through puberty now, I would weep.

But - and it's a bit 'but' - if the choice were either have a second baby at 38 or have an only child, I'd go for the second baby a million times over and I'd get on HRT as soon as perimenopause kicks in!

flippermum · 04/03/2023 21:13

Hi, I was 39 when I got pregnant and 40 when my son was born.

I don’t think it’s old although hospitals will say geriatric!!

calmdowndear2023 · 04/03/2023 21:56

My gut reaction? That it's absolutely, 100% none of my business.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/03/2023 21:59

Had mine at 32, 34, 42 and 44.
Most people are just surprised that they are all by the same dad.
Dh got a few comments at work when we had our youngest as he was 48 then but he shut them up by telling them that his wife was only 28.🙄😊

Zoejj77 · 04/03/2023 22:01

Had my first child at 39. everyone asking me when I’ll have another but at 45 it’s not happening

Vodkafairy99 · 04/03/2023 22:02

I had one of my babies at 37 and the other at 39. Nothing wrong with a 38 year old having a baby. I'm also a midwife and it's fairly routine for women of this age to be having babies

Jemimaduck8 · 04/03/2023 22:38

Nope. I only met the man I wanted kids with at 34, and I was 38 when we had our DD. My sister, 4 years younger & married with 2 DC before I even met my husband, was so happy for us.

In NCT classes in London I felt of average age, in the North East where we now live I am an older mam, however it's never been a problem and I have never felt judged.

I'm sorry your sister is making you feel so crap. Maybe she is having her own struggles?

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