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Original poster

Is 22 too old to attend a youth club?

166 replies

AlePock · 25/02/2023 02:53

I’m thinking of getting my 22 year old son to go to a youth club because he has few friends and he wants to make some new ones. I went to a youth club when I was younger on a Friday night but it was mainly under 16s. Do they do them for older kids too?

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 25/02/2023 12:55

I think doing actual clubs like football, painting, bingo etc would have him socialising much more.

It may be worth him looking into a college or uni course as this is where I made most of my friends.

If not then maybe a different job with people closer to his age.

I’d be careful with things like tinder as I think they can make men feel a bit crap if they don’t get any responses.

Cocobutt · 25/02/2023 12:57

I wish there was an adult youth club.
I would definitely go.

Coffeellama · 25/02/2023 12:58

AlePock · 25/02/2023 12:31

@ItsOKToFeelProud He wants to date, it’s not me making all the decisions, I’m just trying to help as a mother.

No he’s 22, if you want to help with dating you stay out of it, nobody wants a mummy’s boy that helps with tinder and dates.

If you want to encourage him in life then encourage him to do things for himself and research and make his own decision, stop referring to him as a child and help him find the independence he needs so that when he is in these social situations, he can handle them and not sit back waiting for someone to sort things for him. If you baby him to much he won’t learn how to act in situations where making friends is possible.

Disneygirl37 · 25/02/2023 12:59

Having a full time job somewhere with younger adults would help. There's no reason he can't work full time I assume?

Thoughtful2355 · 25/02/2023 13:03

thing is, they do but he isnt a "youth" he is 22, oldest they go up to is 18, they wouldnt want a 22 year old hanging out with 16 -18 year olds.

Floogal · 25/02/2023 13:04

There used to be a youth club near where I worked (don't know if it's still there) which had age limit of 24. Though tbh, I felt odd going to a youth club when I was 18.
Also, how do you find hiking groups or jogging groups in the first place

EmilyGilmoresSass · 25/02/2023 13:14

AlePock · 25/02/2023 04:07

@Idlikeasize8please He works Mon-Wed at the local library but the other staff are mostly middle aged women. He has been on Tinder and Hinge but that didn’t come to much really.

Any wonder when he has such a controlling mother. I can't say a man who's mother controls his social life and tries to sign him up to youth club would be one I'd go for myself.

woowootarget · 25/02/2023 13:15

Is he neurodivergent?

B0g · 25/02/2023 13:19

Do many mothers of adult men help them to date? Is that a thing? If he’s already using hook up apps it sounds like he doesn’t need his mothers help to date, surely?

3WildOnes · 25/02/2023 13:20

woowootarget · 25/02/2023 13:15

Is he neurodivergent?

OP has said he has ASD in a subsequent post.

In which case he can access youth services for young people with additional needs as these go uo to the age of 25.

B0g · 25/02/2023 13:27

There’s been loads of suggestions posted here, but OP you maybe should’ve posted this in the SEN section, or have included that pertinent detail in the OP.

SnowdaySewday · 25/02/2023 13:28

There will almost certainly be local groups to support parents of children and young people with additional needs in your area. “Young” in this context often means up to age 25. They may be able to direct your DS to what is available locally.

SkyHippoOnACloud · 25/02/2023 13:33

If he's into walking and wildlife tell him about Young Farmers then. That'll bring him out of his shell. You day he has two friends but doesn't see them. Are they really friends, do they chat regularly, or are they just people he met once and decided he liked? Does he understand how to have a friendship? Does he realise he needs to invite them to spend time with him? And stop considering them friends if they never want to. I mean there's 3 birthdays, Christmas and new year, throw in a few days out in the summer to local events or the park, a few cinema trips or meals out in the winter and you've got a regular social life meeting up once a month or so. But it's not going to happen if he stays home gaming or whatever.

This thread might seem harsh but I hope you can see why he needs to be putting in most of the effort for himself. Because people aren't going to look at him and know he has special needs, they're going to look at him/your involvement and think like this thread - weird/creepy/WTF etc, which isn't going to help him make friends. The world isn't geared up for disabled people (yes his condition is disabling him, look at people's responses to you being this involved in his social life, it's like you're his carer in this respect), from what I've seen of life people either fit in or they get left out. So the help he needs is to learn how to fit in, even if it's fitting in to something less mainstream and more specific interest. There's plenty of NT people who aren't very mainstream in their interests, beliefs or outlook on life. It's about finding your people.

Friendship is built on social niceties and small talk though, things ND people struggle with. He needs to learn social skills and how to chat. No amount of dropping him into a group is going to work regards making friends, if he can't do those things to at least a basic level.

momonpurpose · 25/02/2023 13:42

As soon as I read "tinder" fake post...

SkyHippoOnACloud · 25/02/2023 13:43

Floogal · 25/02/2023 13:04

There used to be a youth club near where I worked (don't know if it's still there) which had age limit of 24. Though tbh, I felt odd going to a youth club when I was 18.
Also, how do you find hiking groups or jogging groups in the first place

Notice board in community place eg library or community center, local area Facebook groups, online on the national association page for whatever activity you want to join. And asking people. Which is why it's important to get out into the world in a general sense, just bringing yourself into contact with others, if you want to make friends.

Maybe OP's DS doesn't have anything in common with his work colleagues and wouldn't particularly want to socialise with them, but he could ask them if they know of any wildlife charities looking for volunteers, if they know any walking groups etc. That should be his first step, not having his mum look into it for him.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 25/02/2023 13:45

AlePock · 25/02/2023 03:24

By the sounds of it then they don’t do older adolescent youth clubs. I’ve tried Facebook groups but they don’t work. I could try getting him to join a hiking club as he likes walking.

He's not an adolescent!

DarkDarkNight · 25/02/2023 13:46

The hiking group is a good idea if he likes walking.

How about a snooker/pool place or try a group like Meetup if they are active in your area to see if anything appeals?

daretodenim · 25/02/2023 14:01

AlePock · 25/02/2023 12:31

@ItsOKToFeelProud He wants to date, it’s not me making all the decisions, I’m just trying to help as a mother.

Ok so he's neurodivergent. That's quite an important point to forget to put in the OP.

It's nice that he wants to date, but if he wants to have a relationship or even a one night stand, surely if he needs his mum's help to find someone he's going to have a tough time keeping them/being with them without his mum's help?

Someone mentioned a group for young people up until age 25 who are neurodiverse. That sounds the best way to go really.

RicherThanYews · 25/02/2023 14:04

Idk where you live Op but if your son enjoys board games, RPG or comics he could visit a Geek Retreat as they have gaming events and similar. They're hugely LGB friendly and they host autism friendly days/mornings etc which can be a huge help.

Shesasuperfreak · 25/02/2023 14:05

I had 3 children by that age. So I would says its too old.

Ariela · 25/02/2023 14:14

Youth Club round here is mostly Yr 7-9.
Can you try something he's interested in? Round here we have Young Farmers, When I was young we had 18+ (for 18-35 years), it's now just called Plus www.plusgroups.org.uk/plus/ or you could look at volunteering eg www.princes-trust.org.uk/help-for-young-people/who-else/volunteering

3WildOnes · 25/02/2023 14:19

Have a look on your councils local offer. So if you live in Essex you would google 'Essex Local Offer'. This should show all of the social activities available for young people with additional needs.

redbigbananafeet · 25/02/2023 14:29

AlePock · 25/02/2023 03:24

By the sounds of it then they don’t do older adolescent youth clubs. I’ve tried Facebook groups but they don’t work. I could try getting him to join a hiking club as he likes walking.

I think you have to get the idea of him being an 'older adolescent' out of your head. It will limit what you're looking for. He is a fully grown adult. You have to try to help him find an adults club based around his (new or existing) interests.

3LittleFishes · 25/02/2023 14:38

Surely, even with extra needs no one would want their adult son to join a youth club🙄(I certainly wouldn't want my teen children in a club that allowed 22 year old males to join as a peer rather than a leader with the appropriate checks in place)
He is not an older adolescent, he is an adult, thinking about him as an older child will just hinder his progress into adulthood.

If this post is real OP, you need a reality check - he should be at the pub not a youth club!

3WildOnes · 25/02/2023 14:58

3LittleFishes · 25/02/2023 14:38

Surely, even with extra needs no one would want their adult son to join a youth club🙄(I certainly wouldn't want my teen children in a club that allowed 22 year old males to join as a peer rather than a leader with the appropriate checks in place)
He is not an older adolescent, he is an adult, thinking about him as an older child will just hinder his progress into adulthood.

If this post is real OP, you need a reality check - he should be at the pub not a youth club!

There are loads of youth clubs that do exactly this. Lots of young adults with additional needs get lots from these services as they are often quite socially isolated.
There will be high staff ratios so everyone is safe.