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Original poster

What ever became of the ‘popular’ kids at your school?

195 replies

Bigchoice · 24/02/2023 21:10

I was talking to DD and she said she wasn’t ‘popular’. She’s 14, got a good group of friends, does sport and generally seems happy. From what she means by ‘popular’ I assume she refers to those who are conventionally very good looking, vape/smoke, engage in precocious behaviour, are generally considered cool. I won’t pretend I didn’t understand what she means by it and to be honest I’m absolutely delighted DD isn’t popular- by that definition. To me as long as she has friends, does well in school and is happy that’s really all I care about. But it got me thinking, whatever became of the popular kids from your school days, were you a popular kid? How did their life turn out?

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 25/02/2023 10:20

General Mumsnet consensus is that popular kids do badly in life and get their comeuppance as adults when they become losers.

However, in reality, popular kids are popular for a reason. Usually they are good looking, cool, good at sport, clever but not swotty, likeable and funny. That's why they are popular and have lots of friends. Being popular doesn't necessarily equate to being a bully or a bitch.

And that generally continues into their adult life where they do well. Why is that so hard to believe?

FWIW, I was a fat, swotty, speccy loner at school, not popular and didn't have many friends. I've still done ok in life and am generally happy with my lot. But my lack of confidence generated in my school years has resonated throughout my life. My DD however is popular and is probably one of the cool girls in her year; she has lots of friends and her teenage experience so far is very different to mine. I'm pleased for her.

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 25/02/2023 10:22

Popular girls: drug takers, social media competitors, desperate to still be "cool", shout abuse at others to bring them down a peg or two. Seem shocked that life is so hard and it didn't all just work out for them. Spoilt adults, very immature and suffering through the slow realisation that life requires a lot of hard work, they just expected everything to fall into place.

Geeks: head down, working away, living adult lives. Popular girls are very jealous of any "comfortable" geeks.

Popular boys: running family businesses, married, open to flattery and attention, Rugby fans. Some other popular boys recovering addicts and finding it hard to navigate a career path, endless students.

Snoken · 25/02/2023 10:35

I was in the popular group at school, and I think we all did pretty well for ourselves. I became a model in my mid-teens, moved to Paris after I finished school at 18, met my British husband there (I am Swedish), had a child with him in my early 20s, another one 17 months later. Stopped working as model after second child, we moved to LA for a short while, then Brussels, London, NW England. Now, 20-something years later we have divorced, I have moved back to Stockholm with our youngest (who is 18), and our oldest already lived here as she is finishing uni here. I have worked in marketing and TV production for the last 17 years, but am now re-training to a more academic career.

My friends from high school are all fairly or really successful. None of them have become drug addicts, died young etc. They are in finance, marketing, teachers etc.

There was another group of kids though that were much more intimidating and mean, I wouldn't really call them popular though, people hated them. They have not turned out well at all.

Interested in this thread?

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14 year olds
Coffeepot72 · 25/02/2023 11:56

@Snoken as a Swedish model, I suspect you would have been popular anywhere!

TellySavalashairbrush · 25/02/2023 12:10

Not me , but now adult dd had 2 boys in her class who were both convicted of murders and got very long sentences. They were well known rather than popular and had behavioural issues from a young age.

Girasoli · 25/02/2023 12:18

However, in reality, popular kids are popular for a reason. Usually they are good looking, cool, good at sport, clever but not swotty, likeable and funny. That's why they are popular and have lots of friends. Being popular doesn't necessarily equate to being a bully or a bitch.

I agree with this - especially by the time you get to university age - the people I thought were "cool" were all nice, reasonably hard working, and involved in lots of societies. They all seem to have done well for themselves.

turrrniiipz · 25/02/2023 12:24

The 'popular' kids were the ones who generally set out to be disruptive, mean and intimidating. Bullies.

The ones I have a seen around locally or on socials have multiple kids with different fathers, are injecting their faces with allsorts of shite and look permanently surprised.

MyLittlePonyWellies · 25/02/2023 12:26

I went to quite an academic, girls' grammar school and everyone I know of has done well in their own ways.

I do know of some boys who were already dealing weed at the boys' school and they are both now sadly dead (died in their late twenties).

One girl who wasn't popular (and was not a nice person at all) went on to have an awful few relationships. She must have had quite a few problems going on.

I used to work with secondary aged students with SEN and tbh, a lot of the 'bad girls' I remember from school who were promiscuous, smoked, drank a lot blah blah, would probably be given extra support at school for behavioural issues. A lot of girls I worked with just presented as a bit badass / cheeky / 'cool kid' vibes, but actually they had behavioural issues and SEN. So I don't really like it when people get all gleeful about how the cook kids ended up "stacking shelves in Tesco" (which there isn't even anything wrong with).

CallMeVal · 25/02/2023 12:26

Mixed bag.

I was on the fringes of the ‘popular group’ and a few of the very cool girls were my friends. They’ve done really well for themselves. One is a city lawyer, one runs a successful charity, one is a doctor. They were bright, working class girls but very wild at school - older boyfriends, drugs, truancy etc - but seemed to pull it together by A’Levels and went on to do well.

One of the most popular girls in my year group, though (mainly because she was incredibly beautiful) didn’t fare so well. She had kids young with a guy who was in and out of prison and when I bumped into her not long ago (all in our 40s now) I didn’t recognise her. She called my name and I honestly had no idea who she was until she said. Has aged terribly, looked so down trodden and in conversation came to light that she has never worked, never moved off the estate we grew up on, and two of her sons are in prison Shock. She was gorgeous and the absolute life and soul as a teen, so it was quite sad really.

turrrniiipz · 25/02/2023 12:27

I forgot to add many are trying to sell any old shite on social media

dudsville · 25/02/2023 12:32

I only know 3 people from school days. One popular woman has had 7 children, starting at a young age, and has a very full life with them. She was beautiful and she's still absolutely stunning. One popular man was the cool guy destined to be in a band, but he's insisted on headlining and writing his own music and it's never been successful, lots of rollover in the membership, but he did set up a sort of community insurance programme for musicians so that's cool. The other person I know from school wasn't popular. He went to uni, then got a steady job, worked hard all the hours that came his way and paid off his beautiful home quickly, lives well debt free and makes his own furniture and has lots of interesting hobbies and a nice sounding life. I was not popular, I've done very well fo myself. One of the brightest kids from my year sadly died young. Quite a few relive the glory days often, I'm not a part of that set - and these are my glory days.

Treetopviews · 25/02/2023 12:37

Interesting question , in my experience sadly the popular kids peak is at school. They seldom ever hit that high again as an adult and go on to lead quite mediocre lives with limited friendships.

the popular kids are never popular due to their well rounded personalities, it’s never the good stuff like empathy, fun, humour, intelligence, etc that makes a kid popular, It’s always the bad stuff like over confidence, bullying, exclusive, being perceived as cool due to dress or attitude, a bit of a rebel, a sense of entitlement. And this doesn’t translate well as an adult.

ChungusBoi · 25/02/2023 12:40

What’s notable is that the geeks are mostly wealthier than those who were popular and most of us geeks transitioned into well paid careers. Other than that, I’d say there is little difference.

SheeshPawowa · 25/02/2023 12:45

The most popular girl and a popular but rough and ready boy took their own lives. Most of them never left the town we grew up in and ended up in mediocre jobs, failed relationships. One continuously posts about how skint she is, has 3 kids and very little freedom.

MidnightMeltdown · 25/02/2023 12:45

One of these 3 things happened:

  1. They fell pregnant at 15 or 16
  2. They became drug addicts
  3. They struggled to find work and ended up in low paid, dead end jobs

It wasn't the most studious kids who were popular at my school!

MidnightMeltdown · 25/02/2023 12:49

MidnightMeltdown · 25/02/2023 12:45

One of these 3 things happened:

  1. They fell pregnant at 15 or 16
  2. They became drug addicts
  3. They struggled to find work and ended up in low paid, dead end jobs

It wasn't the most studious kids who were popular at my school!

I should probably add that I used to hang out with this 'cool' group at school, which is why I know what happened to them, but I wasn't one of the ring leaders. Out of quite a large group, only two of us went to uni. The rest stayed in their home town and one of the above happened.

fieldsrose · 25/02/2023 12:51

I attended a state school for a while after my parents divorce. The once popular people (loud, not studious would be the definition) are not doing particularly well. From my private schools the people who were popular are doing well in traditional-type jobs rather than entrepreneurial.

fieldsrose · 25/02/2023 12:54

It wasn't the most studious kids who were popular at my school!

I've just said something similar. I definitely found that, the other thing they had in common is that they were likely to be leaders, sports team captains or head girl/boy or be good at sports. They didn't have to be good looking, and weren't always, but the girls were fashionable I think.

3WildOnes · 25/02/2023 13:02

Doctor, Nurse, Accountant, surveyor, pilates teacher, jewellery designer, editor of a fashion magazine, psychotherapist, psychologist, primary school teacher, Head teacher and an events planner. All fairly normal. I was fairly popular at school. Most of us have children and none of us are divorced (yet!).

Bjarnum · 25/02/2023 13:05

The spiteful super popular girl who made my life hell became increasingly neurotic. When the chap she was fixated on told her he was in love with me she finally went over the edge and had a full breakdown. I guess it's hard when you are used to being number 1 all your life to suddenly discover it may not be a permanent state of affairs.

sunglassesonthetable · 25/02/2023 13:11

the popular kids are never popular due to their well rounded personalities, it’s never the good stuff like empathy, fun, humour, intelligence, etc that makes a kid popular, It’s always the bad stuff like over confidence, bullying, exclusive, being perceived as cool due to dress or attitude, a bit of a rebel, a sense of entitlement. And this doesn’t translate well as an adult.

wow, sounds like you were living in a teen movie.

It was exactly the good stuff like empathy, fun, humour, intelligence that made kids popular at my school. Just like real life.

postwarbulge · 25/02/2023 13:21

I have not seen or heard of any of the girls with whom I was at school since leaving the exam hall at the end of my last A-level paper.

fieldsrose · 25/02/2023 13:42

It was exactly the good stuff like empathy, fun, humour, intelligence that made kids popular at my school. Just like real life.

I disagree @sunglassesonthetable Some of them were just bullies. They were more the dominant group, pack leaders and so on.

sunglassesonthetable · 25/02/2023 13:47

I disagree @sunglassesonthetable Some of them were just bullies. They were more the dominant group, pack leaders and so on.

hmm, that was your school then.

Of course you might have been at my school. When I was there. This is an anonymous thread after all.

Icouldsmellspringabitthismorning · 25/02/2023 14:21

@GoldilockMom My friends and I came from good backgrounds with good parents, but we will still completely wild for a few years, they tried desperately to control us, but it was hard as we were so sneaky etc and out to have fun. We all ended up as nice people etc. We were all smart, but just loved having a good time. I remember reading through book after book every time I was forced to be in by being grounded, as I loved reading. Or I’d revise all day after a big clubbing night out..doing that on a comedown was pretty hellish…I was out every night, but ended up doing ok with A’s and B’s and a degree..could I have done better? Yes, likely so, but those years were golden and I wouldn’t change them. Being a bit wild and having a crazy time didn’t necessarily mean having shit parents or having no future prospects.

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