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Original poster

Do you use your annual leave to have ‘time for yourself’ when you’re a parent?

110 replies

EllieQ · 24/02/2023 10:19

This is inspired by another thread about whether teachers should cover all of the holiday childcare (but it’s not a TAAT!). Quite a few of the replies have said that they use all their annual leave to cover the school holidays/ spend time with their children and never use it for a day to themselves, which surprised me.

DH and I both work and don’t have family nearby to help with childcare, so use a mix of leave and holiday clubs to cover the school holidays. However, we occasionally book a day off while DD is in school/ in holiday club as a way of getting a break, and sometimes book a day off together and go out for lunch. I know we are lucky that we can afford an extra few days of holiday club through the year, and that DD (age 7) enjoys going. We did this while she was at nursery as well.

There were some comments on the other thread about ‘why wouldn’t you want to spend all your leave with your children, don’t you enjoy spending time with them?’ which made me feel a bit crap. Obviously I love DD and enjoy spending time with her, but I do need a break sometimes! DH and I try to give each other a couple of free hours at the weekends, but that’s not the same as a full day off.

So, do you use annual leave to have a day to yourself occasionally? And if not, I’d be interested to know why not - lack of holiday clubs/ can’t afford them/ have family who will look after your children for a day or overnight so get a break then?

OP posts:
AnonymousHippopotamus · 24/02/2023 10:23

You absolutely should use some of it for time to yourself if you want to. Some people might want to spend all of theirs with their children, that's fine for them. Everyone's different, don't allow other opinions to 'shame' you. Having time to yourself is vital and allows you to be there for your family more fully because you're not running on empty, in my opinion.

NoSuchThingAsMe · 24/02/2023 10:26

We don't have anyone to babysit so will take some time to go for a nice lunch. Or relationship is important too and it's good for the kids to have parents who like each other! We also once both took a day off to laze around the house which was brilliant.

I love my kids but also need time to relax.

ACynicalDad · 24/02/2023 10:28

If we have leave left we sometimes take my wife's birthday off, that's it. Rest is holidays and family/childcare.

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Logburnerperils · 24/02/2023 10:28

Na. I would love to but our combined annual leave doesn't cover all the holidays so it is what it is.

SummerHouse · 24/02/2023 10:28

Every day of leave I take is in the school holidays. But I am part time so have opportunities in the week to do stuff. I think parents should prioritise time for themselves and together. Your situation sounds like a win / win which is fabulous but sadly probably rare. Mine do not like holiday clubs but have gone on a needs must basis. We don't have many other options for child care and money is probably a factor for most. But if you can, do! Why the heck wouldn't you get some down time!?

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 10:29

I don’t care what other people do, but I don’t have enough leave to take any “for myself” - it’s not a judgement on anyone else, it just wouldn’t work. If I had more leave then I would be more likely to. It would be lovely to have a full day’s break.

my husband and I do try to make sure we each get a bit of time to do our own thing on a fairly regular basis throughout the year though

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2023 10:29

It’s different having no unpaid childcare option (like family to help out every now and then) and so it’s entirely normal in this situation to have a day off when you’re paying for childcare, I think.

Never let an anonymous person on the internet make you feel bad for something perfectly reasonable. You’ve no idea of their circumstances and they’ve no idea of yours.

kwaziseyepatch · 24/02/2023 10:30

Last year did all AL for holidays with the exception of my birthday, this year I'm thinking I might use holiday clubs more and have a couple of days to myself as that was bliss in the nursery days. Again I'm lucky to be able to afford it and lucky DC enjoy holiday clubs

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/02/2023 10:30

Logburnerperils · Today 10:28
Na. I would love to but our combined annual leave doesn't cover all the holidays so it is what“

Expect this is the reality for most. Absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with taking a day here and there for yourself if you can, though.

philautia · 24/02/2023 10:30

If you have the spare leave after childcare and / or money to do this, you absolutely should.

It is so good for your relationship to have some non parenting time together!!

Writeandroll · 24/02/2023 10:32

we do, but kids aren’t in school yet so don’t yet have to worry about covering holidays.
We sometimes use it to get bits done in the house and garden, other times it’s just to have a chill day and go for lunch

philautia · 24/02/2023 10:32

Just to clarify I never take a day off just for myself, we take a day off together and go for a hike and take a picnic...we'd never use annual leave to just have a lazy day. We always do something fun.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 24/02/2023 10:34

When DS was in nursery - absolutely! That's what bank holiday Mondays are for!

When he was in school, we were really stretched to cover holidays however we had help from grandparents in the weekend and often had babysitting on a Saturday night and went away for a weekend once a year. Which is exactly the same thing as 'using holidays' when you think about it and I bet tonnes of people do that!

Not one shred of guilt about it.

VivaVivaa · 24/02/2023 10:35

One nursery age DS so appreciate school holidays aren’t an issue yet. I work shifts and so have quite a few random days off in lieu. I regularly have these days to my self and DS still goes to nursery. Annual leave we tend to use for family stuff, but I will also use the odd day ‘for myself’ as well.

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 10:37

LaviniasBigBloomers · 24/02/2023 10:34

When DS was in nursery - absolutely! That's what bank holiday Mondays are for!

When he was in school, we were really stretched to cover holidays however we had help from grandparents in the weekend and often had babysitting on a Saturday night and went away for a weekend once a year. Which is exactly the same thing as 'using holidays' when you think about it and I bet tonnes of people do that!

Not one shred of guilt about it.

Your nursery was open on BH Mondays?

redskydelight · 24/02/2023 10:38

Leave was limited and I actively wanted to spend it with my children.

Also spending on extra days of holiday club when it wasn't strictly needed was an indulgence we couldn't afford.

I used to work with someone who took two weeks off in the summer for a family holiday, but other than took all her annual leave in term time and booked the children into holiday clubs in every holiday. I guess that's the extreme end of the "taking time for yourself" equation.

Botw1 · 24/02/2023 10:41

Yes all the time lol

I work shifts and wouldnt be able to take it all in the school holidays anyway.

Preschool was different.

I see absolutely no issue with not spending all my time with them and do not understand people who do.

CornflakesOnTheSolesOfHerShoes · 24/02/2023 10:44

DH is a teacher, so I don’t technically need to use my leave for childcare purposes as he’s off in the holidays, but in practice all my leave goes on family holidays/time with the children/covering inset days etc when he’s in school and they’re not. Plus days off for things that come up like funerals (three so far this year so at the top of my mind!). I did tag a Friday onto a weekend away with friends last year, but I don’t usually book leave just to do my own thing - too much family stuff to fit into the leave allowance!

OriGanOver · 24/02/2023 11:03

When dc were primary aged I worked term time so no I didn't. Now they're older and at the end of secondary and in 6th form I take random weeks off to have it to myself/go on holiday with my friends.

If I hadn't have worked term time I probably would have taken the odd day but not loads due to childcare costs - not because of wanting to fill every spare second with the darling children.

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 11:08

“not because of wanting to fill every spare second with the darling children”

I don’t think there’s any need to sneer about it any more than there is to sneer at people wanting time for themselves

LaviniasBigBloomers · 24/02/2023 11:11

@BiasedBinding my nursery only closed Christmas Day/Boxing Day and NYE/NYD and the 2nd. Normal for a private nursery I think?

Original poster
EllieQ · 24/02/2023 11:12

Logburnerperils · 24/02/2023 10:28

Na. I would love to but our combined annual leave doesn't cover all the holidays so it is what it is.

We have the same issue that our leave wouldn’t cover all the holidays even if we didn’t use it for anything else, do we use holiday clubs for the rest. How do you cover the rest of the holidays once you’ve used all the leave?

OP posts:
SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 11:15

This will depend on your circumstances. Both my children are in nursery, so bar Christmas when it’s closed I use my annual leave for the odd day to myself, appointments etc and then use some for family holidays. Sometimes I have some leave and take them out of childcare for a day or two but still send them and potter around doing DIY etc for the other days.

When my eldest starts school I think I’ll need to use almost all of my leave to have him during school holidays. We have some help but it’s slightly begrudged - my parents don’t really like more than one day a week and my PIL have other, more pressing commitments so prefer not to be burdened, although they will if pushed.

Zola1 · 24/02/2023 11:15

I love my kids, but sometimes they drive me mad and I need some peace. Other times me and my partner (gasp!) Both take a day off and spend some child free time doing something together we enjoy...this is usually walking up a hill or something else that children hate

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 11:16

LaviniasBigBloomers · 24/02/2023 11:11

@BiasedBinding my nursery only closed Christmas Day/Boxing Day and NYE/NYD and the 2nd. Normal for a private nursery I think?

Not the ones round here, no - they all close on BHs and don’t charge for them. It may depend on the parents’ jobs they tend to get - if a high proportion of eg nurses, then it may make sense to stay open