Do you use your annual leave to have ‘time for yourself’ when you’re a parent?

[EllieQ]

This is inspired by another thread about whether teachers should cover all of the holiday childcare (but it’s not a TAAT!). Quite a few of the replies have said that they use all their annual leave to cover the school holidays/ spend time with their children and never use it for a day to themselves, which surprised me.

DH and I both work and don’t have family nearby to help with childcare, so use a mix of leave and holiday clubs to cover the school holidays. However, we occasionally book a day off while DD is in school/ in holiday club as a way of getting a break, and sometimes book a day off together and go out for lunch. I know we are lucky that we can afford an extra few days of holiday club through the year, and that DD (age 7) enjoys going. We did this while she was at nursery as well.

There were some comments on the other thread about ‘why wouldn’t you want to spend all your leave with your children, don’t you enjoy spending time with them?’ which made me feel a bit crap. Obviously I love DD and enjoy spending time with her, but I do need a break sometimes! DH and I try to give each other a couple of free hours at the weekends, but that’s not the same as a full day off.

So, do you use annual leave to have a day to yourself occasionally? And if not, I’d be interested to know why not - lack of holiday clubs/ can’t afford them/ have family who will look after your children for a day or overnight so get a break then?

No not sarcastic in the slightest. I dont have children so I have the luxury of all of my annual leave days being just for me. I dont feel guilty about that so neither should a parent. Everyone deserves time for themselves and shouldnt be made to feel guilty about it.

No.

That said, we've always had family nearby if we did need a break and never done the 2 x FT working model either.

I use a couple of days to go away with friends once a year and a couple of days to go away with my husband for a long weekend once a year.
I buy extra holiday each year.

This

I don't (yet, currently on mat leave with newborn DC2) because I've always adored any time with my son (DC1) but Christ alive two is a different ball game altogether so I could see myself doing it once I'm back at work. I mostly work from home and have enjoyed that time to myself, taking some time throughout the week and between when I finish and nursery pick up,

I had a friend that felt that all leave time should be taken with kids. I find that so bizarre - don't parents deserve to take time off to enjoy some time kid free? Or with their partner without the kids around? I have always take at least a few days a year of leave to spend by myself. I spent every weekend with my DD so I felt I deserved at least 4/5 days a year to just chill out and not have to entertain a kid during the week. There's nothing wrong with it. If I'd had a partner I would encourage him to take some time off as well. I definitely was a better parent getting those days to decompress.

No. I've been a lone parent for DS's entire life, so leave has always been taken in the school holidays to a) spend time with him and b) save on childcare costs. It's not forever, he's 15 now and doesn't really hang out with me much any more, I do still take my leave in the holidays just so I'm around at home as much as possible.

In 3 more years he'll be an adult off to university and my time will be mine once again.

Absolutely. I’ve asked for a week of annual leave this month which I needed to use before end of leave year. On 2 of the days DD is in nursery and I won’t be taking her out, I’ll use the days to sort the house a bit and have me time. One of the other days DH is off so will spend time with him and DD, one day is my day with DD anyway and one day MIL is off and will do something with her and DD. I’ve been very stressed lately and a bit of chill time is needed.

I’ve brought extra leave for next year too.

I've done this for a birthday/anniversary before, but not just to have a random day off without DC.

whether it’s deserved or not is neither here nor there if there isn’t enough leave to take days for yourself

I buy extra days too but they get used up with termtime illness at the moment

Yes, I think having help from family must make a huge difference. When we visit PIL (who live 200 miles away), they don’t offer to look after DD to give us a break (though they have babysat twice when we asked), and now they both have health problems so it seems unfair to ask. DD is almost 8 and has never spent a night away from us.

I do work part time (30 hours) but over five days, meaning I don’t get a ‘day off’ while DD is in school. I did this so we only need to use after school club twice a week, but sometimes I regret changing from four days a week and having a day at home.

I think it does. We pretty much never ask for overnight childcare, as it happens, but it makes a difference that it's a choice iyswim.

Not read the whole thread but when my dds were in primary, no. All AL was school holiday cover.

Now they are secondary and don't want me around in half term as much, fuck yeah. They are arseholes atm god love em and work is fierce. I am planning a Friday next month where I do no work, no admin, no cleaning. I don't know what I fancy but whatever it is, I am doing it alone and on my terms.

I do yes. Not much just the odd day here and there but DD sometimes goes to family members in the holidays and I get quite a few. I used to work somewhere where I barely got any holiday 2
(20 and had to take 4 for Xmas) and dd was only 3 so struggled a lot then

Nope, need it all for school holidays.
They are too old for holiday clubs, too young to leave at home all day.

Now the youngest is Y6, I am trialling Ming WFH in the morning and only taking the pm off.

Yes, I do this. Mine are teens now and I need a break! But I did it in the past too, with holiday clubs.

No I didn't get any days to myself as the priority was covering the holidays. The only day I got was the Queens birthday (I'm a civil servant) which was the Tuesday after the 2nd May bank holiday.

Before DS went to school ( it falls in half term) I had that one day per year when he was at the childminder and I wasn't at work. Otherwise no, I was either at work or withDS.

Yep! I keep back 5 days to do as I like. We both work full time but luckily dd is quite happy going to childcare so her holidays are a mix of performing arts, holiday clubs, forest school etc. We're lucky that grandparents help out with a few odd days throughout the holidays too. Dh and I try to make sure we all have 2 weeks off together, then split the rest out between us as well as some tag teaming playdates. I do a but more of the childcare as I get more holiday.

No. I’d love to but I’m a widowed parent so only me to cover holidays, DCs in different schools with different TD days, both now too old for local holiday clubs but too young to be left (and eldest has SN and other difficulties at the moment). Parents are elderly and need my help now too.

However I think it’s definitely a great idea to take some time if you can. I tell myself this is just a pinch point for me (but it’s been a decade long haha)

No family help for childcare so any day I take to myself is potentially £££ in holiday childcare I’d rather not spend. Also no babysitting/‘ights away etc.

But we try and take a day or two a year. Usually a day for jobs/tasks round the house, and a day for fun.

By the end of this year all of my children will be in school and I’m not going full time (yet). Six hours to myself every week, working around the school run - can’t bloody wait.

Yes! We have one day a week where both kids are in childcare and we try and book some leave for those days/arrange our shifts to leave that day off. We don't have family help and haven't had a night out for 3 years, so it's our only saving grace!

I keep a day of my AL every year to use just before Christmas. I tell noone when I'm taking it (DP knows I do this, but not exactly when). I get up and leave for "work", take a long walk, find somewhere for a fry up. Then head to the bookshop, buy something then head to an out of the way pub for the afternoon and get slightly pickled.

I stroll back in around the time I'd usually get home from work. DP can tell I'm tipsy but usually asks how work was with a smirk.

I'm a massive introvert, and having a day to recharge gives me a chance to recharge before spending Christmas being jolly.

I've gone 4 days a week in recent years so don't actually need to take AL for it, but I still swap my days to do it on a usually working day. The knowledge that absolutely noone is going to need me all day is the important bit for me.

Thanks everyone, it’s good to know that other people do the same as us! I have been quite shocked by some of the comments on the thread that inspired this one (you don’t get time to yourself when you’re a parent; why would you want to spend time away from your children; that kind of thing). One of the later posts suggested the DH in question needed counselling for wanting time away from the children!

I’ve also realised that we’re lucky to have reliable holiday childcare (open every school holiday except part of the Xmas holidays), that DD enjoys going, that we can afford to pay for a few days extra over the year, and that illness can be covered by us WFH - not possible for everyone.