Do you use your annual leave to have ‘time for yourself’ when you’re a parent?

[EllieQ]

This is inspired by another thread about whether teachers should cover all of the holiday childcare (but it’s not a TAAT!). Quite a few of the replies have said that they use all their annual leave to cover the school holidays/ spend time with their children and never use it for a day to themselves, which surprised me.

DH and I both work and don’t have family nearby to help with childcare, so use a mix of leave and holiday clubs to cover the school holidays. However, we occasionally book a day off while DD is in school/ in holiday club as a way of getting a break, and sometimes book a day off together and go out for lunch. I know we are lucky that we can afford an extra few days of holiday club through the year, and that DD (age 7) enjoys going. We did this while she was at nursery as well.

There were some comments on the other thread about ‘why wouldn’t you want to spend all your leave with your children, don’t you enjoy spending time with them?’ which made me feel a bit crap. Obviously I love DD and enjoy spending time with her, but I do need a break sometimes! DH and I try to give each other a couple of free hours at the weekends, but that’s not the same as a full day off.

So, do you use annual leave to have a day to yourself occasionally? And if not, I’d be interested to know why not - lack of holiday clubs/ can’t afford them/ have family who will look after your children for a day or overnight so get a break then?

Hell yes, time to yourself or with your partner is so important!

DS is in a private nursery and DH & I absolutely have taken days off together or separately to have time.

We have no local family support so tend to do date days instead. We also work for the same company and have been known to have one of our meetings out at lunch together!

I must have been doing something very wrong when mine were little as most of my holiday allowance went on being off with pay when mine we’re constantly I’ll and couldn’t go to childcare/school there was barely anything left for holiday never mind ‘me time’

I am a teacher and I keep my daughter in nursery one day each week during school holidays so that i can get on with things, or else just do stuff that doesn't involve her, uncluding sometimes sitting on my arse doing nothing.

Wanting a bit of time now and then where both parents are not involved in either working or parenting does not mean you don't like spending time with your kids FFS.

We can work from home so we kind of tag team that way

It's only thus year that it occured to me that I could do this. Eldest is 28, youngest is 15!
In reality when kids are younger and you are trying to covet 13 weeks of school hols, with 22 days leave its never going to happen.

That’s a good point - when DD was in nursery, we had to use leave when she was ill. Now that she is older, and WFH is more accepted in both our jobs, we can WFH when she’s ill so don’t need to save leave for any illnesses.

This is my situation. I wouldnt have enough leave to cover illnesses if I took days for myself. It’s good to know that it’s likely to be less of an issue in the future.

time for yourself is important for your own mental health and well being

I took the week off before half term so I could have some time to decompress while they were still in school, and asked my mum to take them overnight on the weekend so I could let my hair down.

I'm a lone parent, I work 12 hour shifts in a stressful job around my mums shifts so she is my childcare anyway. If I don't get down time, I'm an awful, snappy mother. I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty for making sure my own cup is full so my kids get the best version of me.

I'm a teacher so no, I can't do this. But it would be nice to go for lunch with my husband without a child with us...maybe in a few years !

Yes we absolutely do, though ours are currently not school age so guess it will be more difficult once having school hols to cover

Well not really - on the flip side if you wanted a day to yourself you only need to arrange one days childcare in the holiday, vs the 13 weeks a year non-teachers have to organise as a matter of course.

Well yes it is important, but not all of us manage to get it via taking AL while children are in childcare. It’s not because I don’t care about my mental health and well-being, I’m just working with what I’ve got

I always used to take an occasional day for myself (less of an issue now they are older, and always bloody here!), or more likely, to do some painting or other diy.
I think it depends on childcare arrangements. My dcs carried on going to the same childminder when they started school. I paid her for any days I chose not to send dcs so no advantage in not sending them.
Also, I'm in Ireland and 'holiday club' doesn't really exist. There may be some settings that allow for ad hoc arrangements but most working parents have regular childcare in place for the holidays.

Very little family support.

We both however have quite reasonable leave allocations (plus get the majority of Christmas hols off in addition), so usually have enough leave to cover the school hols between us.

We can also make it stretch further as we each do some shorter school-hours days in the week (longer days when the other person is doing a short day) so if we each only take off our own short days, we then only need to use six hours of leave to take off a day.

Will have a week and half ish that we take off altogether for a short holiday or days out.

So if we also use holiday camp for a week ish in the summer (children enjoy it though obviously is extra money), we can have a few days left to take off throughout the year - though usually used for birthdays, house sorting, Christmas prep etc!

Oh absolutely, that's part of the reason why I teach! I just don't have any family help so it's just not simple for us to get those days to ourselves . I'm not complaining, I'd do it if I could.

We have good family support & I work part-time, so DH & I sometimes take an odd day off to have a date or do some DIY or something similar where having the kids at home would be a major hindrance.
I'm also doing an art course soon which unfortunately was only running on one of my work days so am taking that as annual leave.
Totally understand we're very fortunate to have this flexibility for now - I think it will change as time passes & PIL are less able/willing to help out.

Never. I don’t get enough leave to cover the holidays and though 1 of my children would be happy to spend the day with grandparents, the youngest (9) way prefers me, plus GPs are an hour away and would only agree to mind them a day or 2 a year. We have had to use holiday clubs in the past, but neither child is a fan and it seems mean to make them go any more than is absolutely necessary.

We used to (well DH runs his own business so doesn't get annual leave, as such).

But we used to have 2 sets of grandparents that assisted with childcare during the holidays. Now we don't have that, I have to take all of the holidays off bar the summer where I take the whole of August unpaid (which I'm very lucky my work can accommodate). It would cost much more money to have childcare for 3x for the whole month, than it does to lose 1 months salary.

Saying that I have one day a week which is flexible hours so I tend to take some time to myself on that day. Whether it be nails, or hair so I don't feel too hard done by!

No, our leave is taken up by kids holidays and to be honest it’s a struggle

I may have an odd flexi day about but I normally save those to tag onto my leave

I'm a SAHM. My husband uses pretty much all of his annual leave for family time.

We had two nights away without the children recently for a special wedding anniversary. And I suppose I'd consider that annually if money and childcare allowed.

But neither of us would want as much as a day away from each other - time together feels so precious. And our children are very young, so whilst an evening out is a lovely romantic break, we wouldn't want to regularly spend the whole day without them at this stage (and husband WFH so even he doesn't need to).

Maybe it's relevant that we married later in life. We each thought we'd be single and childless forever, so we wake up most days unable to quite believe how lucky we are to have found each other, to be in love, and to have our beautiful children. And don't worry, I don't go around boasting like that in real life, but I think it might be part of why we both feel we've had lots of time to ourselves already.

I looked into teaching for this reason, I am dreading navigating the school holidays. Recently work wouldn’t accommodate me for 3 days so I’ve had to move to 4, all extra days to arrange holiday care for. School terms and working parents not all that compatible. Not your fault - just a general observation and moan.

I only did by accident when a lone parent. Id book annual leave and then dc would go to their dads.

Now I wfh but don't have to do set hours, i pick and choose the amount of hours and when etc so when i want me time i have it. For example ive had 3 lunches out this week with friends whilst dc at school.
Next week i have hair appointment but then i really should do some work.

I have all school holidays off with the dcs.

I work term time so unfortunately I won't have that luxury! If I am off, so will the kids be! (They are only 2yo and 5mo just now though so not an issue for at least another year!)