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Original poster

Do you use your annual leave to have ‘time for yourself’ when you’re a parent?

110 replies

EllieQ · 24/02/2023 10:19

This is inspired by another thread about whether teachers should cover all of the holiday childcare (but it’s not a TAAT!). Quite a few of the replies have said that they use all their annual leave to cover the school holidays/ spend time with their children and never use it for a day to themselves, which surprised me.

DH and I both work and don’t have family nearby to help with childcare, so use a mix of leave and holiday clubs to cover the school holidays. However, we occasionally book a day off while DD is in school/ in holiday club as a way of getting a break, and sometimes book a day off together and go out for lunch. I know we are lucky that we can afford an extra few days of holiday club through the year, and that DD (age 7) enjoys going. We did this while she was at nursery as well.

There were some comments on the other thread about ‘why wouldn’t you want to spend all your leave with your children, don’t you enjoy spending time with them?’ which made me feel a bit crap. Obviously I love DD and enjoy spending time with her, but I do need a break sometimes! DH and I try to give each other a couple of free hours at the weekends, but that’s not the same as a full day off.

So, do you use annual leave to have a day to yourself occasionally? And if not, I’d be interested to know why not - lack of holiday clubs/ can’t afford them/ have family who will look after your children for a day or overnight so get a break then?

OP posts:
Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 24/02/2023 12:22

Very occasionally although there are usually 2 bank hols a year when kids are in school which are amazing.

im not against it for any moral reasons, and wouldn’t judge anyone - we just don’t have enough leave really. This year we are having to take summer leave separately to help cover the holidays

Teafor1please · 24/02/2023 12:40

SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 12:11

I looked into teaching for this reason, I am dreading navigating the school holidays. Recently work wouldn’t accommodate me for 3 days so I’ve had to move to 4, all extra days to arrange holiday care for. School terms and working parents not all that compatible. Not your fault - just a general observation and moan.

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Yes they're not compatible at all, I don't know how people do it. My school has different holidays 4 weeks of the year to my daughter's school. That was bad planning on my part !

mindutopia · 24/02/2023 12:45

Yes, I make it a real priority that some of it is for me to do things I enjoy. I will take a day here and there to go out and do something or just to be at home (not cleaning or cooking). I take a holiday alone (maybe 4 days or so) every year as well. Dh and I balance holiday childcare between us and we use a bit of holiday club for our youngest. I actually always have AL left over each year (and usually more than the amount I'm allowed to carry over so it's a scramble to use some up in September), so I definitely don't think it's hard - with 2 working parents, obviously not as easy as a lone parent - to have days for yourself. I have a friend who takes off the first 2 days after her dc go back to school as her days to herself to refresh before going back to work.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 12:45

BridieConvert · 24/02/2023 12:20

I work term time so unfortunately I won't have that luxury! If I am off, so will the kids be! (They are only 2yo and 5mo just now though so not an issue for at least another year!)

I see the luxury as working term time. I’d be absolutely delighted to have the worry of school holiday childcare taken from me!

SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 12:46

mindutopia · 24/02/2023 12:45

Yes, I make it a real priority that some of it is for me to do things I enjoy. I will take a day here and there to go out and do something or just to be at home (not cleaning or cooking). I take a holiday alone (maybe 4 days or so) every year as well. Dh and I balance holiday childcare between us and we use a bit of holiday club for our youngest. I actually always have AL left over each year (and usually more than the amount I'm allowed to carry over so it's a scramble to use some up in September), so I definitely don't think it's hard - with 2 working parents, obviously not as easy as a lone parent - to have days for yourself. I have a friend who takes off the first 2 days after her dc go back to school as her days to herself to refresh before going back to work.

This is the sort of positivity I’m keen to hear about working parents.

JenniferWooley · 24/02/2023 12:48

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 24/02/2023 11:38

It's only thus year that it occured to me that I could do this. Eldest is 28, youngest is 15!
In reality when kids are younger and you are trying to covet 13 weeks of school hols, with 22 days leave its never going to happen.

Me too!

DS is 15 & I'm using 7 days annual leave to go on holiday with my best friend - DS will be fine with his dad for a week & if he gets fed up looking at his dads ugly mug he can have a sleepover with his big sister & nephew!

When they were little I worked part time & all grandparents (my DC have 4 sets due to divorce) were very involved so still got time to myself.

NatalieH2220 · 24/02/2023 12:51

I managed one day to myself last year. The rest were used for school holidays and sickness if they could go to school/nursery. We have one family member who helps us already so can't call on them extra and too many days to cover otherwise. We still use clubs regular to cover the remaining days.

FishandChipsarelife · 24/02/2023 12:51

i dont have kids so my annual leave is 100% for me to do whatever I like, why should it be different for a parent?

mindutopia · 24/02/2023 12:53

I should preface that I think it's important to have time for yourself by saying that my mum dropped me off at breakfast club at 8am and collected me from my grandparents (who did the afternoon school run) at 5-6pm. She had 3 months of maternity leave before going back to work. She got 2-3 weeks of annual leave a year. I still felt like we had plenty of time to do things as a family.

My dc get dh or I right up til they walk in the school gates and we're the ones who pick them up. We have them all afternoon and all evening every day (no wraparound care and no family help). Usually one of us is home most days during school holidays with a mix of holiday club and going to friends houses. They get so much more time with us that either of us ever had with our parents growing up. But time to be yourself and do things you enjoy is so important. I want them to grow up seeing that is a priority for us too because we aren't 'just' parents. We have hobbies and interests and friends and it's normal (assuming you can afford to, which is trickier and trickier these days) enjoy those things.

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 12:55

FishandChipsarelife · 24/02/2023 12:51

i dont have kids so my annual leave is 100% for me to do whatever I like, why should it be different for a parent?

Is this sarcastic? It can be hard to tell on here

Danikm151 · 24/02/2023 12:55

Yes!
i’m a single parent so having a me day is needed from time to time.
I mostly use them so I can do a blitz of the house but then chill for the afternoon. It helps with burnout

SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 13:04

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 12:55

Is this sarcastic? It can be hard to tell on here

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I was wondering the same…

Original poster
EllieQ · 24/02/2023 13:07

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 11:42

This is my situation. I wouldnt have enough leave to cover illnesses if I took days for myself. It’s good to know that it’s likely to be less of an issue in the future.

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Yes, it is much easier now. DD was off for a week in the autumn, and DH and I took turns to wfh. She was happy to rest on the sofa and watch TV while we worked. I probably wasn’t as productive as I would be during a normal working day (lots of requests for snacks!) but I could catch up on the days DH was at home with her and I was in the office.

Of course, we are lucky to have jobs where you can WFH and managers who are understanding. Not everyone can do that.

OP posts:
Camilliatile · 24/02/2023 13:15

I absolutely use annual leave to get some rest time for myself! Otherwise I'm at work or with DC the entire time - as much as I love DC, and as much as I like work, neither of those times 'qualifies' as full rest time for me. Rest time is a high priority to me as it makes me feel good and able to deal with DC and work really well. DC does go to some holiday clubs, but AL doesn't cover all of holidays anyway, so it's not like I wouldn't have to pay out for the clubs if I didn't take rest.

Original poster
EllieQ · 24/02/2023 13:15

TheVeryThing · 24/02/2023 11:56

I always used to take an occasional day for myself (less of an issue now they are older, and always bloody here!), or more likely, to do some painting or other diy.
I think it depends on childcare arrangements. My dcs carried on going to the same childminder when they started school. I paid her for any days I chose not to send dcs so no advantage in not sending them.
Also, I'm in Ireland and 'holiday club' doesn't really exist. There may be some settings that allow for ad hoc arrangements but most working parents have regular childcare in place for the holidays.

What kind of holiday childcare is there? I’m in the UK, and when I say ‘holiday club’, it’s one that runs Monday-Friday and is open 8-6, but I know other holiday clubs are only open for shorter hours. A lot of the activity clubs round here are 9-3 or 10-3 only, for example. Other parents at DD’s school use childminders (presumably the ones who provide their wraparound care during term time).

OP posts:
BridieConvert · 24/02/2023 13:24

SpecialK2023 · 24/02/2023 12:45

I see the luxury as working term time. I’d be absolutely delighted to have the worry of school holiday childcare taken from me!

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Yes this is true, I am very grateful to work term time! One of the drawbacks of it though, is that I am not able to take annual leave when I choose (maybe luxury was the wrong word but it would be nice to be able to do it once in a while!)

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 24/02/2023 13:29

Hell, yes!

Curiosity101 · 24/02/2023 13:33

We do it if we can. Otherwise we never get time together as a couple to go on dates as the kids are still too young and we have no alternative childcare/baby sitters to ask. I also occasionally use one for a luxury day to myself 🤩

Cobrastar · 24/02/2023 13:41

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 11:16

Not the ones round here, no - they all close on BHs and don’t charge for them. It may depend on the parents’ jobs they tend to get - if a high proportion of eg nurses, then it may make sense to stay open

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I feel screwed over, we pay for bank holidays but they close…it’s standard for nursery’s round here

BiasedBinding · 24/02/2023 13:50

Cobrastar · 24/02/2023 13:41

I feel screwed over, we pay for bank holidays but they close…it’s standard for nursery’s round here

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We do pay in a sense - the cost is spread across throughout the year so is fractionally more per day than it might have been, it just feels “fairer” - but parents who don’t need Mondays might disagree, as they would be paying more but not seeing the benefit of not paying for the BHs as they predominantly fall on Mondays

DuesToTheDirt · 24/02/2023 14:09

We didn't use our annual leave for ourselves, when our kids were young enough to need childcare. We just didn't have enough. No family nearby, and yes we used holiday clubs sometimes but they aren't always open - none at Christmas, limited if any at half-terms...

TheVeryThing · 24/02/2023 14:16

EllieQ, lots use childminders or nurseries ( we call them creches) might run an afterschool and holiday service. They are all private providers. There are also lots of summer camps run by sports groups, as well as art, drama etc. They usually run for a week at a time and follow school hours so not much help for parents working til 5 or 6.
Schools don't tend to run any after school or breakfast clubs here, some will have private providers on site who do that.
The holidays are longer here so most working parents are resigned to paying for full-time childcare during the summer.

snowbellsxox · 24/02/2023 14:21

Nothing wrong at all with a day for you and your partner! Fs people are so petty ignore them.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 24/02/2023 14:27

No. As a teacher all my holidays off were also the kids holidays.
Dh took time off to cover training days but then took his leave partly when we had ours but then also did get some time to himself.that I was rather jealous of.

Spudina · 24/02/2023 14:29

I take odd days to do chores or have a date day with my DH. Now that DH can work from home, I don’t take my AL for all of their holidays, so I usually have some days to just chill with.