What to do about my hard of hearing neighbour having her radio on all night?

[GetOffMyDoorJack]

I've never slept well and when I moved into my flat 5 years ago I spent a lot of time and money on making my bedroom a cosy warm place that I would want to spend time in. I do love my bedroom but it shares a wall with my next door neighbour's bedroom. She is an older lady who is hard of hearing and she has her radio on at night loudly enough that it keeps me awake to the extent that I now generally sleep on the sofa in the lounge. When DP stays over he has to wear ear plugs. I can't wear ear plugs myself as I have autism and find them uncomfortable. How do I address this? She's a formidable character and I find her a bit intimidating. It's nearly 1am and I am so tired and want to go to bed, DP is there and I want a cuddle.

You can;t do anything until you approach her. You have to be brave!

This is not meant to be ableist (I have a physical disability myself) but is the Gods’ honest truth. My 92 year old mum is deaf - prescribed two hearing aids which she refusers to wear. Even face to face I have to raise my voice on a daily basis so she understands what I’m saying. If it’s things she doesn’t want to hear or do, I have to repeat myself several times, but I absolutely guarantee you that if I turn my back and ask her in a normal voice if she wants a gin and tonic, she can hear me perfectly and I only have to ask once !!

My dad is deaf and has the TV on VERY LOUD. He’s unaware. So when I’m there I tell him. Fortunately his sitting room is not adjoining the neighbours’ house. I’d have a polite short conversation with her.

I would call in person, rather than a note. Don’t be intimidated. It’s your sleep being robbed. Focus on that. Explain politely but firmly the problem. Offer to assist with setting up sleep timer on her radio, if it has one. Or to research the hearing loop that has been suggested. If she resists, you will have to record noise levels and contact council. Hope you get it sorted 🤞

Mutton is not a very nice term with which to refer to someone deaf.

My neighbour is the same and whenever I go into en-suite I can hear his tv on loud. I think if I was you I’d have a word of it’s keeping you up

My neighbour is also deaf and has his TV really loud , we did mention it and he was apologetic and turned it down but it does get turned back up. I do wear headphones at night for bed they are on a comfortable headband and I don’t hear it now.

if you don’t find a way to let her know you’ll have to constantly deal with it. perhaps ask your DP to knock on your behalf ?

It's so simple to put a note through her door or to knock

"Dear Neighbour
Please can you turn your radio down - especially after 10.30pm- it's is keeping me awake at night as it's very loud.
Thankyou
Your neighbour"

If she doesn't turn it down then make a council noise nuisance referral

I think a note would be better incase she has family that visit, as they' may go get her headphones or look up how to hearing loop her hearing aids to a new radio if need be. Social care have hard of hearing specialists who can do sensory assessment, so a note through door indicating she's disturbing neighbours as radio is too loud, might trigger a better result for her and you.

I had years of this when I was younger. My room was right next to it and I'd go to school every day having been kept awake all night. It was unbearably loud and only stopped when the neighbour was put in a home. It's awful having to live with. In our case she was also unapproachable and we felt that even if we had spoken to the council she would not have listened. I look back on it all and shudder because it went on for years and ruined our enjoyment of our home. I remember laying awake all night long listening to her TV blasting through the walls. Then a year after she was moved out, another elderly man moved in who was deaf as a post, refused to wear a hearing aid and slept with his TV blasting out all night. We couldn't win. I think if I were to have done things differently I would get the council involved and insist that it had to stop but be prepared for a long drawn out battle, with everyone thinking she's the victim and you are being a horrible person. It's possible she just isn't aware but I honestly don't understand how people are so oblivious that they might be disturbing other people. They must have some social awareness surely? I certainly wouldn't have my radio or TV blasting out at night because it would be obvious to me that it might effect other people. It's a difficult one to deal with.

I am hard of hearing and until DH arrived I would sleep with TV on. I did wear headphones later at night though if actually watching something rather than background noise. Neighbour may be intimidating and unapproachable because she doesn't hear well.

I would write a very polite letter, explaining the problem and asking if there is anything you could do to lessen the impact of the radio noise...help her set a timer, set up wireless headphones... etc I can't see you've anything to lose by doing this.

Are you in rented accommodation coz if so get in touch with your landlord. If it continues get in touch with your local council noise team

Your mum is hearing impaired to an extent that she’s been given hearing aids - this can still be quite mild impairment, not everyone who uses or is offered hearing aids is severely impaired. She clearly has a good level of residual hearing, enough that she can hear you without hearing aids when you’re behind her.
When you say things to her she doesn’t like, she’s ignoring you, it isn’t that her hearing loss is selective.
It’s physically impossible for a hearing impaired person to be able to hear someone behind them speaking in a normal voice, but not the same person standing in front of them speaking in the same voice. Please don’t use your mother’s stubbornness to imply that people with an isolating and distressing disability can hear when they want to.

My neighbour has his tv on all night sometimes and the walls are paper thin. I brought the echo into my room and play white noise all night to cover the sound.

If you don't want to face her, maybe wrote a note. An honest, factual non confrotational, direct note

Tell her that the walls are not as thick as she may think and that the radio is very loud - so much so that you have been sleeping downstairs as it's become impossible to sleep in your room. Ask if she could switch it off at 11pm

The only problem is that she may have it on so she can fall asleep...

Worst case scenario, you'll need to record the noise for a few weeks and report it to the council.

'This is not meant to be ableist (I have a physical disability myself) but is the Gods’ honest truth. My 92 year old mum is deaf - prescribed two hearing aids which she refusers to wear. Even face to face I have to raise my voice on a daily basis so she understands what I’m saying. If it’s things she doesn’t want to hear or do, I have to repeat myself several times, but I absolutely guarantee you that if I turn my back and ask her in a normal voice if she wants a gin and tonic, she can hear me perfectly and I only have to ask once !!'

So what, you think she's pretending to have a hearing loss then?

No, I think she clearly does have some hearing loss but I think she uses it to her advantage. If she doesn’t want to do something I have a hard time making her hear what I’m saying, but if it’s something she likes I don’t. I posted because the OP was called out as ableist and ignorant for implying that her neighbour has ‘selective deafness’, in being able to hear the wheelie bin. I absolutely accept that sound frequencies are a factor, but I have no doubt that some people are selectively deaf when it suits them.

She was diagnosed with 50% hearing loss in both ears. And no, she doesn’t ‘ignore me’, she responds by asking me to repeat myself several times and speak louder and more slowly. And I am absolutely not implying that all people with this disability can hear when they want to. It was anecdotal and something I experience on a daily basis. And I absolutely do think stubbornness has a lot to do with it, but that doesn’t alter the fact that that manifests in her exaggerating her hearing loss.

"Dear neighbour, your radio is very loud and is keeping me awake all night so please could I ask you to turn it off after 10pm. Thank you so much, OP"

Using the term "selectively deaf" is part of the problem.

What you mean is, you're being ignored.

If a person with mobility issues refused to one day use their walking frame, which they used often, and instead insisted stubbornly that they sit in their wheelchair and you were to push them, would you say they were being a "selective wheelchair user"? Would you come on the Internet and complain about it?

What does 50% hearing loss mean?

I would put a note through her door

Love mumsnet for batshit suggestions like those on this thread of incomprehensible notes posted through the door and random offers of buying the elderly neighbour headphones

That is the most ridiculous comment, she just needs to speak to her, the only way to resolve situation.

Just fyi, ‘mutt and Jeff’ is rhyming slang for ‘deaf’. It’s not intended to be insulting in itself but I didn’t see the deleted comment so it depends what was said.