Mums of four, who manage to successfully hold down a job…

[BrutusMcDogface]

How?! Please help me! I feel like all my posts on here recently have been that I am struggling and can’t do it all. People say “just get on with it”, and “yes you can; you’re doing it” etc etc but I know the truth!

The children are being dragged up and I’m doing a rubbish job at home and at work.

Any words of wisdom very much appreciated.

Can you give some examples of what you struggle with most? You might get some useful suggestions that way

Thank you for the reply!

Laundry is probably the worst.

Meal planning/shopping/cooking. So bloody boring and difficult for me. If I could just cook for myself every night, without worrying about what they will all eat. Life would be easier.

Another biggie: keeping up with my paperwork (teacher).

Cleaning (sporadic).

Any ideas? 😜

I have four and it is a struggle, I only work two long shifts as well. Recently became very run down too. I’m just glad waiting for the youngest to get easier.

Sorry for the full stop that should have been a comma. My phone is annoying.

I worked 4 days a week until my 4th child was about 18 months, then went down to 3 days as I couldn't manage everything.
I took Wednesday off and use it as a catch up with house stuff day - plumber, electrician, big shop, washing, cleaning, car service etc. My youngest stayed at nursery that day. Fridays were the day I spent doing toddler things with my younger kids while the older ones were at school.

I am also pretty laid back about most stuff which helped.

Ah, @headstone . Solidarity 💐

How old are your four?

No words of wisdom I'm afraid. I'm one of 4 myself, DM was a SAHM. I stopped after 3 DC because I couldn't see how I could have 4 DC and work!

I know one mother of 4 who does work. She's a teacher, who works 4 days a week. She spends the day off running around doing chores to try and keep up and is obviously off during the holidays so that bit is covered. She also has a lot of local family support they pick up the kids from school 1-2 days a week, and all the crafty school challenges etc her DM does with them. How much family support do you have?

Thank you for this!

You sound very organised. That’s another thing I struggle with, which is completely useless when you’re a teacher 😔

I know several women with three or more kids and big jobs.

They all have a lot of family money, and a lot of family practical help on top of the nanny, gardener, housekeeper etc.

They’re billed as super-performers but they’re actually just beneficiaries of inter generational privilege.

Stop beating yourself up, and lower your standards.

Hi Brutus, mine are 2, 4,7and 14. House work and cooking is relentless and they all want to eat different things. I think other parents of large families manage by being more organised than I an and getting the older ones to be more independent/do chores. I haven’t managed this yet.

This is me! Have 4 smalls and work 4 days a week, currently feel like I’m cracking up. Have a cleaner. Online groceries. Lower your standards massively. Lots of presents and cards in bulk for parties. One set of play clothes per week to keep the washing down. Sometimes when things get bad we do a service wash and just get all done in one go.

It is incredibly hard trying to be all things to all people! I find strict weekly schedule helps everyone know what to expect- we even have the same meals on set nights. Have massively cut down on clubs which helps. Glass of wine at night. Solidarity!

Thank you @TwinklyShit 😢

I need someone to tell me to put up and shut up. At the moment I just can’t stop thinking about handing in my notice, which I think would be a bad idea.

I have been signed off for stress this month, too. Returning tomorrow.

I have three, not four, but I'm a lone parent so it's all on me. No magic answers, it's crazy, but here's what helps me, when I do them consistently...

1. dishwasher on every night before bed.
2. load washing machine at night, put it on first thing, hang out the wash before work (you may need to find a better time that works for you if you leave early). A load 5x a week or it all piles up.
3. sort dry washing into piles while watching TV at night.
4. food delivery on a fixed night of the week. Have twenty meals on rotation.
5. a robot vacuum cleaner.
6. antibac wipes for kitchen and bathroom once overs.

Basically it's about automating as much as possible, and having routines so you don't have to think about it.

Where I fall down is on school admin and lunch boxes. Can't seem to keep on top of either.

I have 4 and am a teacher although still on mat leave. Work part time and have a cleaner. I think the main thing for me that makes it work is my dh really pulls his weight too so everything is shared responsibility.

Thank you all.

I’m rubbish at school admin, too. If a job ever comes up in my kids’ schools I always think they’d never employ me as they know how bad my time keeping and organising skills are! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Set meals per day might work to take the thinking out of it.

I don’t really have that kind of support for various reasons. It’s aaaaaaall me.

Do you teach full time?

Oops, sorry, you said you work part time! A cleaner might also help but I don’t actually want to get one until the house is decluttered!! Which might be never!

I’m one of three and my mum was a teacher.

Term-time only, she did the following:

Ironing lady for school/work clothes. Reduce the amount of clothes we all had outside of school, and had individual baskets/boxes to put away.

Same meals each week to a theme (aka Monday was leftover roast, Tues was pizza/freezer tea and salad, Weds was mince based etc) and had meals on a 6 week rotation.

My dad cleaned but they would have had a cleaner if they could afford to.

Half her holidays were spent decluttering and sorting things for the next term. She did do crazy work hours planning and marking though.

Meals on a three week rota. Online shopping. Encouraging independence 🙂 so my kids made their own lunches from reception - under strict rules about what they had to include eg fruit / salad / veg / protein and only one sweet thing 🤣. Laundry tackled at the weekend. Lowering standards I agree with. A set of drawers by the front door with stuff they need for school, one each - hats / scarves / gloves or sunglasses / hats / suncream, reading logs, letter etc.. a massive white board by the front door with reminders! Organise the stuff you struggle with to make it easier for everyone then encourage responsibility as they get older....

@WombatBombat interesting to hear from the children’s point of view, thank you!

How was it for you? Was everything organised for you (like school admin/letters/equipment etc)?

I have 4 children and work full time. I am not organised. I prioritise time with the dc over housework and so am vaguely ashamed of the state of my house (not disgusting, but not show-home, and always slightly behind on where I plan to be with housework) but I accept this is my choice/ my priority and I wouldn’t switch it around! When the kids were younger (around 1,2,6 and 8) people (colleagues generally) used to say they were in awe of me with my job, perfect life, perfect kids…. I was quick to disillusion them and let them know the truth! I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to do and be everything.
My only tips are: meal plan and shop weekly; easy meals on busy evenings; lower your standards; get a robot hoover. I’m sure more organised posters will have much better advice.
oh, and if you can train the dc to help out you’re a better person than me!

Don’t hand in your notice. The kids are only little and hard work for a while, and in some ways a job can actually be less stressful than SAHM life, especially if you can then afford to outsource some drudgery.

Service washes as an OP mentioned, and forget about ironing. Or never leave the washer empty - and get a dryer.

Forget about the house. After a while, you’ll stop noticing, and if anyone else is particularly bothered, they’ll clear up. Or get a tenancy cleaning company to do a deep clean every six months.

Get a supermarket delivery once a week and batch cook on Sunday for the week so you’re just re-heating the rest of the week. The Rukmini Iyer Roasting Tin recipe books are good for ideas - nothing is ever particularly delicious but nothing is too experimental or time consuming, but so much better for you than ready meals and pasta in pesto.

Frozen fruit and vegetables so there’s always something nutritious in the house.

Thank you @handmademitlove

The baskets by the front door we have, but the little toads don’t use them, haha! That’s what I need to do- kick them up the bum to put their stuff away where they can find it! 😉

No intergenerational privilege here! Never had a cleaner, for example.

I don't sweat the small stuff and have a very clear vision of what matters - health and love - and what doesn't - immaculate spaces, sheets changed every week etc. I am not particularly organized but found for us cooking for the kids then us worked better, because my dh wasn't home til late and I didn't want fish fingers. Also, hot school dinners means that beans on toast is fine for tea....

I’m glad I started the thread. It helps to know I’m not alone.