Mums of four, who manage to successfully hold down a job…

[BrutusMcDogface]

How?! Please help me! I feel like all my posts on here recently have been that I am struggling and can’t do it all. People say “just get on with it”, and “yes you can; you’re doing it” etc etc but I know the truth!

The children are being dragged up and I’m doing a rubbish job at home and at work.

Any words of wisdom very much appreciated.

Are you a lone parent?

My four are older teens now with my eldest away at uni, but I had 4 under 7 at one point so they are close in age.

I echo all of the others - lower your standards! If you can afford someone to do your ironing, pay for someone to do your ironing. A cleaner even for an hour or two a week to do the bathroom/s and kitchen would help.

I used to get everything ready for the next day the night before, and if I had time, batch cooked at the weekend, would also meal plan. However, we ,only ever had the same few meals on repeat because it was just much easier. Fruit or yoghurt for pudding, unless it was the weekend when I might make something more interesting!

Once they were old enough to be able to reach to the other side of their beds, they had to strip and remake their beds (obvs with a bit of help) which I did on a set day every week. Ditto emptying their bins and tidying their rooms. They also have learnt to cook/help peel or chop veg/bake from when they were very little because I figured that it's good to get them involved and learn that there isn't a house elf and part of being part of a large family is helping each other out....

For the admin side, what helps me is having an app on my phone to log it all in. As soon as anything gets asked for (which is usually by email so comes in to my phone anyway), it goes on the app with its due date if it has one. It means that when I have a spare minute or two (e.g. waiting outside school for pick up), I have a list ready of little admin tasks and I can pick one or two off. It also helps me feel a bit less stressed about it, as I don't have to try and mentally keep track of it all. I still manage to forget to do things in time though....

Mum of 4, no external support. Me and hubby work as a tag team and I'm super organised! Not by choice though mote by necessity!

I have four, who are now 12, 12, 8 and 2.

I worked full time until a year ago, when I felt I had no choice but to stop completely. For a lot of that time I was also commuting 2 hours each way, but that became impossible once my eldest two started school.

I managed by flying by the seat of my pants. I ran on adrenaline and stress and anxiety for more than 10 years, and felt like I was underperforming at home and at work. I massively struggled with meal planning/shopping/cooking, general housework, and putting clothes away. I managed, and we're all alive, but it wasn't really living.

Before completely stopping work, I considered a job share/part time arrangement. I decided I couldn't manage that because work, for me, is as much the brain burden of responsibility as it is the hours you are physically there. I needed a break where "home" was my only responsibility.

I miss work terribly. I hate being only a mum/wife/non-working person and miss stretching my mind and sharing opinions and making progress with projects. At home I have to put in all that effort and no body appreciates it, and it all needs doing again tomorrow. I hate the lack of tangible progress and have to remind myself that my kids growing into happy (ish!), healthy, people is my tangible output.

Ok so I have four (age 3 - 12) and work full time.

Laundry routine - as above. Put washing machine on before bed, using timer so it finishes about 7am. Hang it to dry while kids are eating breakfast. Take it down and fold in the evening (quick spin round the tumble dryer if not completely dry). Everyone has their own clean laundry basket so once folded it goes in there for kids to put away (if old
enough, I do it otherwise when they are in the bath). Repeat every evening - I tend to alternate darks, colours and lights, or bedding/towels as needed.

Ironing (kept to a minimum, kids school shirts mainly) - I blitz this once a week, watching a film or box set for an hour or so in the evening after kids in bed.

Set meals for particular evenings. For example Monday we have swimming lessons so kids get an early dinner which is pasta, then supper (crumpet or similar) afterwards.

Admin gets done while kids are at activities - for example during swimming lesson. Also do the online shop then for all groceries. I do two online grocery shops per week, that way we never run out of anything so no trips to the shops with kids in tow.

Cleaner on a Monday and everyone has to tidy up on a Sunday night ready for this. I want to declutter in 2023 to make this much simpler. Robot hoover goes round at night if the floor is looking messy.

It’s not perfect but runs smoothly (ish) until one of the kids is ill or I am. And definitely gets easier the older they get as the more they can help!

I have 3 under 6 and work full time and really feel like I’m failing in many aspects so I am following with keen interest!!

im a lone parent mum of 4, instead of focusing on whats not great or what you feel you’re failing in could you perhaps focus on what goes well, that you did a good job keeping everyone fed and busy, that you did a nice meal or got on top of the washing (i can never do that it never ever seems to bloody end) i find the more negative you are about things the cycle just keeps snowballing until you are in absolute despair.

It’s not all bad it really isnt, even if one of your kids gives you a cuddle and tells you they love you is enough for me to just think, rhe hpuse is a mess, the paperwork is a riot but my kids are warm, fed, clothed and loved and they love me, v simplistic but it got/gets me through and we have some tough times. My youngest has asd/adhd and things can be really challenging, and I have felt i just cannot go on but you do and it gets better till it is crap again. Everyone copes differently, ask for help, take things one step at a time im not organised i wish i was

hope things improve, it does get better as they get older and more independent but the food they eat and washing they produce just gets bigger

Four here, and always worked full time. I did have a cleaner for a while but alas, no longer.
Weekends are spent washing, shopping, cleaning, ironing, and batch cooking. I meal plan once a week and batch cook every Sunday.

There has never been time in the evenings due to clubs, so the weekends are the only time I’ve had to fit stuff in.

I have four children and work full time - when the children were younger I worked four days a week. We have no external help and our families live at least two hours away (mine are overseas). My children also do a lot of extra curricular clubs so it’s a constant juggle of school/work/taxiing them around in the evenings and weekends.

It’s definitely the housework that slips in our house, as long as we are fed, watered and clean then I’m happy - I have quite low standards ! Everything has its place and as they’ve got older it’s less chaotic - I won’t be an old lady and look back and wish I’d done more housework……

I think it’s really hard to ‘have it all’ but I love having four and am generally quite chilled (my teens may disagree). I’ve always worked in a professional role and when I turned 40 five years ago I decided to push my career forward and keeping my hand in throughout my working life is definitely paying off now.

Regards laundry, my kids literally get changed, get in the shower and put their clothes straight in the washing machine - we don’t really have a ‘laundry bin’ so nothing ever overflows ! We don’t iron school shirts in the winter when jumpers/blazers go over them. My husband is a teacher so gets home at a sensible time (marks/tutors in the evenings) which is useful.

It was all very organised and maybe a little too much military precision - in hindsight, she could have relaxed a little bit as the world wouldn’t fall apart if our shirts weren’t ironed, but that’s how she coped with a stressful job and home life!

I don’t remember ever missing out on anything or feeling like she didn’t have time to play with us etc. No family help either so we were very much a unit.

We did age appropriate chores and from 11, were fully responsible for packing our school bags, putting away laundry, breakfast and putting away dishes & then would lock the house up when we left for school. I did a lot of sport and music, but it was very much school time activities rather than evening ones.

I always make sure when I get something from nursery that I take a photo of it (letter, party invite etc) so I have a back up copy and then have 5 mins every night with a cuppa doing phone admin - making a list on my phone, adding something to the food delivery, putting important dates in my phone calendar etc.

I was absolutely adamant that I wasn’t going into teaching though!

I have four, try to stay on top of things. Washing/dishwasher. Tumble dry I know it’s expensive but consider amount of time taken hanging washing up and shifting it around. School lunches only. Don’t iron anything ever. Delegate chores to children. One tidied up shoes, one hoovers etc. Airfryer is fab for quick dinner bit of salmon/ chop air fried and some salad or vegis a quick and easy meal.

Mine are 2, 4, 8 and 12. I get a food shop delivered, do laundry every morning and evening, and have a military routine basically.

My SB & SIL have 4 and both work full time. The DC get dropped at the childminders at 8am and collected at 5.30 by either parent and they have breakfast and dinner there. They all do 2 clubs a week each but some of them are together; both girls have dancing in the same class. Saturday mornings they all have swimming lessons so that takes the morning up but they then have the rest of the weekend for family time / housework. Her and my brother both do an equal share of kids clubs & housework.
They have their evening meal together (DB & SIL) once the DC are in bed and have a cleaner once a week.

I have 4, 11,10,8,7 and work full time. I don't expect the older children to help with the chores that I should be doing.

It's taken me till this past year to work out that organisation is everything. I will hold my hands up to say before last year my life/house was chaotic. Strict routine and not thinking that I will do things in a minute. For example, if the washing is dry instead of saying I will put it away in a minute, put it away straight away.

I’m one of 5; at one point my mum had 5 under 10 😬 I remember little hacks she had - we all had a sports bottle to refill so glasses/beakers didn’t pile up throughout the house all day. We also used to have the same meal for 2 days in a row each time, so she could cook one enormous meal one day and just heat the next. When you think about it, why not? A couple of us went in the bath at the same time and mum then dried/dressed us in the bathroom so the other 2 could get in and she could supervise them. We only ever lived in 3 bedroom houses so she could settle a couple at once rather than going room to room. All took it in turns to choose a bedtime story rather than a different one each every night. Lunch was never complicated - something like a peanut butter sandwich, yoghurt and piece of fruit.

What happened to their dad op?

I have 3 but I have to say, DH and I doing equal chores makes a huge difference. We each WFH 3 days a week so keep on top of the washing/cleaning when the kids are at school/nursery. DH does bins/cat litter/DIY/hoovering, I do cooking/life admin/bathrooms and everything else is split.

I think it depends on what constitutes full time! As a teacher, full time to me is 50 - 60 hours per week. For others, it may be 37. For others, it may be 60 and then there's those with shifts etc which has all of it's own challenges.
You can only get done what you can get done in the time you have - it's not like you're spending any time sat having a chill! It all depends on what works for you. For me, that means neglecting cleaning in order to stay on top of laundry. A few 'easy' mid-week meals so that I can put laundry away instead of cooking helps.
Having said that, having 2 children is the reason I'm leaving teaching soon. Feel like a 37 hour week will really help me to stay on top of everything at home.

I worked full time once the youngest was at school. I managed because DH pulled his weight, despite having a demanding job himself.

Hi i have 3 work 5 days 10-3 sometimes do 8-6 its soo bloody hard i work in s school so get hols off which is only thing that gets me thru! Here to moan feel my house is never clean and washing is never ending and never have any time in week for homework admin etc

Can't help you but I was a teacher with five kids and wow. Just wow!!
I am so disorganised as well which is crazy doing the job I do. However I have got some of it together.
Biggest thing that has helped is letting go of things! I mark on the calendar everything when I do it even the bedding so I know how long it is since I did it.
I take all the towels and bedding to the launderette.
My kids are fussy eaters so that was hard but I keep it simple with pasta, pizza etc during the week and just Chuck some veggies on the side or fruit for pudding!
Cleaning! I set my timer for quick ten minute bursts which helps avoid distraction and do what I can in that ten mins morning and night.
Hope it helps.

3 week meal plan. Some of those meals are batch cooked & in the freezer for 3 weeks time.

Don't let stuff pile up - put it away, wash it up etc
Tidying up is the quickest way to improve things
Teach kids to clear up toys etc from a v early age & give them jobs around the house/garden

The worst years were when DTs 1.5-4 yo, I was a single parent, was extending & working on the small cottage I'd bought, worked full time....

A really good idea for admin is a central diary! I keep one in the hallway and we all add to it so I can see what I need to do for the week straight ahead and what we have run out of.