Mums of four, who manage to successfully hold down a job…

[BrutusMcDogface]

How?! Please help me! I feel like all my posts on here recently have been that I am struggling and can’t do it all. People say “just get on with it”, and “yes you can; you’re doing it” etc etc but I know the truth!

The children are being dragged up and I’m doing a rubbish job at home and at work.

Any words of wisdom very much appreciated.

This is me! I am also crazy at weekends as DH doesn't drive.

I spend a lot of Sundays prepping for school.

I don't have a cleaner and desperately want one.
We also live on meals in the slow cooker and left overs from school....

I would love to go down to four days a week but it isn't possible.

So... I am just putting my head down and wading through it all...

Am so organised at school, but home... yikes.

You don’t mention their dad at all, so I’m going to assume you’re parenting alone.

Is job sharing an option?

My small little things that helped (probably very obvious and already mentioned but) …

Get up a half an hour earlier than you do now. You probably think you’ll be even more tired, you won’t. You’ll get more done.

Batch cooking.

At least one very lazy food evening - pizza and garlic bread. Takeout if you can afford it.

My DC have been in charge of their own laundry since they were very young. Each has their own colour coded basket and has to bring it to the washing machine when it’s full, I put it back in their room when it’s washed and dried. They’ve always put it away.

Do a huge declutter .

What is this app? Sounds good!

Everyone fed, nobody dead.

Oh and I have a wall calendar with a column for each child. I fill it in as necessary - piano, party, swimming etc. This way we never forget anything and it helps to stay organised.

I know a mum of 7 who has a full time job and also runs her own consultancy business, as well as weekend voluntary work. At some point the older kids started looking after the younger ones, and the dad's job is home-based, which helps. Also, she doesn't stress about things like housework, and the kids only have one extra-curricular activity each.

I’m still working my way through the replies but to answer the questions about their dad; he is here but works really long hours/works away so it’s mostly down to me. If he’s here on a weekend he’ll do bits and bobs but I generally can’t rely on him as he’s so often not here!

I have six, though only five still at home. I work 25 hours a week. Sadly, I have no family left so no support - it’s just me. I’m always knackered but the things that help are doing things so much it turns to habit…so I always do all washing up straight after dinner, always have a load of washing ready to go on immediately we get up, always get children to lay the table etc etc. We all know where we are then. Also - a large pinboard on the kitchen wall!! Laundry and ironing is never ending I suppose, but everyone is responsible for bringing theirs down and taking clean/ironed back up, even the youngest (4).
Mealtimes - we always eat at the table, one is vegetarian and one has medical dietary requirements, two have ASD texture difficulties…I run a repeating two week menu that I know works for us. I get up before everybody else in the mornings to get myself ready (organised completely the night before as are uniforms and bags etc) then cook breakfast for them all so I know they start the day calm and fed.
Did I say I’m knackered? But honestly, I’m sure you are doing a great job - my house is messier than I would really like but when we all sit and chat or laugh, who cares!

I only have three but fwiw -

• Meals are either easy, repetitive (including eating the same for two days running) or pre-made/ready meals. There's always an "sos" meal in the freezer or cupboard - pasta sauce with green veg mixed in and cheese on top, a soup... We eat good food and I spend a minimum amount of time cooking it.
• Cleaning and laundry at set times daily/weekly.
• Supermarket deliveries. Be realistic about what you need so you don't end up in the supermarket half-way through the week.
• I bulk buy the younger ones' clothes plus anything else that's likely to induce panic/panic-buying. Eg bulk packs of birthday cards and generic presents bought on sale in Jan.

Bloody good tips, thank you all! I’ve just had a look at what meals I could do on a rota. Might start off with one week and then try to extend it to three weeks if it goes well.

I absolutely know that we need a big clothes cull but I struggle as in my head, I can only do this if everything is clean, which it never is! So maybe I need to start going through the dirty stuff and find a load of two to wash and donate straight away.

Best of luck with your return tomorrow. I find that it really helps to have something to look forward to next weekend.
Do something that makes you happy.

Not me but a friend who seems to be holding it all together with 4 kids.

Both her and her husband have condensed hours - she works 3 days he works 4. They don't have the same day off as each other and they have a rolling list of house admin that needs to be done on days off but also an understanding that gym etc is done on a midweek day off so that weekends are for family time.

They also have a cleaner.

My honest answer is that I left teaching. That probably isn't that helpful at the moment but there is a whole world away from the classroom. You have so many transferable skills that you could use in another job that will give you a much better work life balance and will value you.
Until then, get in to routines. Look at The organised mum method, write a list of dinners everyone will eat and meal plan, online shopping, diaries and calanders, washing on at same time of the day, load the dishwasher as you go, outsource where you can.

I absolutely know that we need a big clothes cull but I struggle as in my head, I can only do this if everything is clean, which it never is! So maybe I need to start going through the dirty stuff and find a load of two to wash and donate straight away.

Put a (bin)bag somewhere accessible. Every time you find an item of clothing clean or dirty which needs to be culled, put it in there. When the bag is full run it through the wash, dry, back in the bag and to the charity shop or icollectclothes or Anglo Doorstep Collections or any other easy service that'll magic it away. Still work but much better than seeing a too-small item go back into circulation, then back in the laundry basket etc etc. And if things are holey or stained just bin them / textile recycling if your area does it.

I’m a single mum of four (15, 12, 10 and 7) and a dog and run my own business. Everything goes in the online calendar (colour coded: each child, me and work). Calendar is shared with older kids (although they never look at it!). They all play lots of sport so it’s a constant juggle of liftshares and working out who is supposed to be where on which day.
Thankfully my mum helps out a bit. And im
very lucky to have a supportive network of friends so one week I’ll take a few kids to sports practice and then I’ll have a couple of weeks off as the other parents take their turns to take them.
I meal plan and am trying to use the slow cooker a bit more but I’m not normally organised enough to make sure I have the right ingredients.
I put a load of laundry in every day, dishwasher goes on every night and I empty it when I make my coffee in the morning.
I try and encourage the kids to do chores but it’s usually quicker and less stress to just do it myself.
I have a cleaner once a week and she is a godsend.
Aiming to declutter to simplify things. And as they are getting older we are finally getting a bit of space back as the big toys get passed on to someone else.
The other bonus of them getting older is that the oldest is happy to watch the younger ones while I nip to the shop so I don’t waste half an hour cajoling them all into shoes and coats.
I mostly feel like I’m spinning lots of plates. But every year it does feel easier as they get older and more independent. When we split up, Exh told me I’d never cope with four kids on my own. And most of the time I feel like I’ve proved him wrong. (I have my occasional wobbles).
We’re content with our lives and mostly healthy. And I’m pretty sure the kids will look back when they’re older and remember happy times.

@ohfook that sounds like an excellent set up!

@TheDuchessOfMN thank you so much. You brought a little tear to my eye. I will think of something for the weekend 💐

I think you and dh sit and work out how you both can make family life work better

Him having a "big important job" that takes him away a lot isn't good enough. You cannot be everything and him not be at all flexible.

You’re absolutely right, and it’s always been this way. We’ve almost split up about it, believe me. He’s a damn sight better than he was, but sometimes his hands are tied.

I know I’m not replying to everyone- sorry about that- but I am grateful for every comment. Thank you.

Mum of 4 boys here plus full-time teaching. I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to do my job without my husband 🤣🤣

I am super organised at work/life admin but everything from sorting PE kits to cooking then he does. Happy to offer his services if you like?!

Seriously though, teaching/parenting is bloody hard so don't put too much pressure on yourself. One day at a time. Prioritise the shit. Eat the cake/drink the gin x

How much do the kids do themselves? They should be really involved in everything if they can and research shows much much it helps their well-being to be involved in chores from a young age. What about DH? Any chance you can pay for a cleaner at least?

I have 4 ranging from 16 to 9 and work park time as a lawyer. Things that help:— respond to school emails as soon as they come in and have sub files in my email account and file stuff immediately

• cleaner
• wFH
• laundry 3 times a week
• iron all uniform on Sunday night
• have the same meals on the same night Mon to Fri, me and DH and me cook alternative nights
• older kids do dishwasher for pocket money
• do one bit weekly shop a week
• Look at school meal menu on Sunday night with kids and then note whether they are having a packed lunch or hot dinner on a day
• bulk make sandwich rolls for my son and freeze them.
• never do any jobs after 7pm and put my feet up or go to an exercise class

I have 4 although I don’t work so sorry I know I’m not answering your question properly but I strongly suggest you read the book “I know how she does it” by Laura Vanderkam (a working mum of 5) which covers all the issues you are struggling with.
Also get a copy of The Batch lady recipe books - they’ve helped me enormously with the food side of things! I often double recipes or do a big batch cook at the weekend.

1. No wash basket- all dirty clothes straight in the machine and it then goes on when it's full. I avoid white clothes as I don't sort them
2. Beans on pasta is fine for busy days, with grated cheese on top (grate a big pot of it in advance and leave it in the fridge)- you can even pre-cook a load of pasta and keep it in the fridge and warm it up when needed
3. Don't change bed sheets too often and generally lower your standards
4. Only iron Hama beads, never clothes
5. Get all clothes, lunches and water bottles sorted the day before, ready for the morning
6. Always put dry washing away as soon as it's dry, as you don't want to fall behind here with it piling up I think that's it. Time passes and it gets easier.

I study full time for a degree at the moment, retraining but was/ am a sahm. I have 4dc 8, 7, 5 & 3.5.

No hired help or family help but Dh is very much 50/50 with most stuff.

I sort a wash out every evening when youngest is in the bath (feet away from him) on overnight, out on line or tumble following morning. Put away that afternoon/evening.
Cooking is shared with Dh, I do some nights as does he. I double up when I cook spaghetti Bolognaise etc and freeze so plenty of meals in for busy or can’t be arsed nights. Dishwasher on overnight, Dh empties before work whilst I make packed lunches. Food shop I do after dropping off at Beavers or I do an online and Dh collects it on way home from work. Cleaning is a room each day but we vacuum downstairs daily as we have a dog too. I have lowered my standards from pre-kids. Dh takes the kids out for the day every few weeks and I blitz the house with a deeper clean. I am ruthless about clutter and stuff and what we have is organised.