Mums of four, who manage to successfully hold down a job…

[BrutusMcDogface]

How?! Please help me! I feel like all my posts on here recently have been that I am struggling and can’t do it all. People say “just get on with it”, and “yes you can; you’re doing it” etc etc but I know the truth!

The children are being dragged up and I’m doing a rubbish job at home and at work.

Any words of wisdom very much appreciated.

I had 4 dc .. now grown.

My advice it to get them trained early
On..

Make their own beds (7 years)
Make a list of what they like to eat for supper and packed lunch .. (8 yrs)

• obviously edited by me ...

At 11 they did their own washing with siblings .. nothing fancy just whites /darks/coloureds ...showed them how to work washing machine.

Chore schedule
Which includes everyone including me and DH.. every one gets two days off.. it covers things like packing/emptying dish washer , bins, bathroom tidy (basics like the bin/toilet roll/clean towels . Filling log basket , Emptying ash from fireplace. Literally one job each.

Cleaned once a week for 2 hours.

I didn't do homework. I don't believe in it. They spend enough time in school all day and homework (with exception of times tables and spelling ) is just ball ache for parents and unnecessary.

All kids went to state schools and went to Cambridge, Exeter , Warwick and apprenticeship.. (the latter ironically is highest earner ) ..

I do not have the headspace to make an Egyptian Sarcophagus out of toilet rolls .. I work full time as a criminal investigator for modern Slavery.. it ain't going to happen...

Last but by VERY means not least .. at 17 they all had driving lessons.. we took them out to practice .. once the first had passed we had another 'picker upper ' - life changer .

Meanwhile.. instead of homework take them camping / walking /hiking .. teaches resiliency and independence.

I can also say I fucking LOVED the teenage years. It's an absolute joy when the dc are independent and self sufficient. All could fend for themselves at 12. I miss them now they are 21, 25 , 27 & 30 and baby them like everyone else when home (only one now at Uni) but am proud of them and us for giving them the tools to be functioning adults . It only happened because I had no choice but to work.

Cleaned once a week for two
hours =
CLEANER once a week for two hours

Single parent of 4. I work 12 hr shifts so I have a few days off a week. My house is pretty messy. The main bits I.E. kitchen, living rooms, bathroom gets cleaned maybe once a fortnight. Bedrooms barely ever. Permanent pile of ironing waiting to be done…I just pull out uniform for tomorrow and iron that, rest stays in a pile. I have an au pair who does the school run on my working days. Homework gets done as soon as they get in, then if they want to watch TV all evening they are welcome. Activities are one a week each, my eldest can get herself to hers thankfully. They are very independent; my eldest started catching the bus around London age 11, my middle will do the same. They know I can’t be helicoptering them and they just get on with it tbh.

I have 4 and have always worked full time. No words of wisdom - it’s been very full on for a long time. They all have sports, music, clubs, volunteering so spend a lot of time in the car. I tend to run into shops in the hour or so they’re at their activities. The washing machines on a lot and the house is always messy! Glad I did it though - the mortgage was paid off in our 40s and the youngest two are now in ‘big school’ so we’re getting by financially and I still have a career. It is hard though.

Cleaner weekly is the only thing that keeps me afloat, she does ironing also.
No help otherwise... it’s just very hard work

Op you’re a teacher. That makes it a whole lot more difficult than lots of other jobs! I have 4 and was a teacher- now work in education but different role, and it’s easier in lots of ways.

What helps me: routine. Easy meals so I can cater for fussy teenagers and dietary needs. Other than that, it really is a relentless slog at times.

So what does your DH think about you being off work with stress? Having a disengaged partner who leaves one parent to struggle balance work and home and kids is not a good relationship. I have 4 DC and manage to balance everything. I do have a cleaner now once a week as my DH is now disabled. However prior to that we shared the load.

I had four in seven years and always managed to work although I won't pretend it was easy ! I worked around dh's hours. We would never have survived financially had we not both been working. I went back to work when fourth child was 6 months old out of necessity.

Here's some rota ideas for meals :

Chilli wraps (make big batch chilli, eat with rice later in week)
Spaghetti bolognaise (same, big batch, rest of sauce in a lasagne)
Sausage and mash and carrots
Jacket spuds and sides
Pizza and soup
Chilli and rice
Chicken and veg curry
Shepherds pie
Lasagne
Chicken pasta pesto with spinach and cherry Tom's
Easy roast - chicken legs done in oven, skin on roast spuds, carrots / broccoli, Instant Gravy

How old are your kids?
.
Maybe they can help out?

Loving the organisation tips. In awe of those with four who work full time. OP, you are a teacher too, go easy on yourself. It sounds a mega tough gig.

Gosh that must be sooooo difficult 4 kids and a teacher!!! Try to outsource things

Don't quit work - you will end up being their skivvy and house care is dull as dishwater 😂. Get a cleaner in - worth every penny

Things that have helped-

2 washing machines (big 14kg ones)
2 tumble driers
2 dishwashers (that are constantly running)

Plates x 15, dishes x 15 - so always got spare.

Cleaner upped the hrs to fold washed clothes.

Enough uniform on a rail for all kids all week (no washing during the week)

I buy excess clothes / sheets / towels - so always a spare - so they can use the spare one whilst others getting washed

Colour coded towels each child - then can work out who is dumping towels on the floor 😂 and not putting over the banister

Asda order Sunday 9-10 and Wednesday.

Never supper (they can have dinner back if they are hungry)

Never iron

Kids in Asc doing clubs at school until 5:30 / music lessons - no driving around mid week.

Car in cash wash

Washing in a "drying room" so it's not in every room.

Costco can be your friend - £6 delivery for bulky stuff.

Very predictable dinners depending on what day it is.

I had to quit work as too many sick kids always someone off every week in winter - my ages 8,9,10,11

Suppose everything has to be military to exist / cope / survive 😂

Good luck - 4 kids is HARD work plus a teacher - wow good luck 🤞 🍷🍷🍷🍷

Or what about tutoring? Loads of teachers at my childrens schools are quitting teaching just to tutor on zoom as they end up with more cash !

Bonkers but then you could earn more and work less seems more sensible solution

Great suggestions, thank you all! I drafted a three week menu plan lastnight and have a delivery coming tonight and then another on Friday. We have delivery saver so this will probably work out cheaper than the top up shops! 😊

@BrutusMcDogface id love to see your meal plan. We have an approx 7-10 day rotation but would love more ideas.

Here's my ideas fwiw. Although I'm a SAHM with all children at school/ nursery part time during the week I'm also a full time carer for disabled DC so most days are spent in meetings / appointments/ admin so it's basically a full time job.

Like I said meals on rotation. Tues night is always fajita night. A midweek roast is surprisingly easy... chicken in the slow cooker, then frozen roast potatoes in the air fryer and some frozen veg on the hob. Make a big batch of chilli most weeks....chilli and rice one night then quesadillas the next night. I batch prepare meatballs and freeze then that's an easy meal.

Bathroom is cleaned a bit each night or every few nights while I'm waiting for bath to run eg wipe toilet one night, sink another, floor another.

Laundry I do one load every evening. So wash and hang on airers or straight in tumble dryer in the morning. By the following evening so 24 hours later whatever isn't dry gets finished off in the dryer then the next evening get that load away. or more realistically leave it in a massive pile for that weekend

I also only wash each person's clothes at a time or a room share at a time so they are all going away in the same place makes it easier.

We swim every Saturday God that's a mission 🤣 so every Saturday night swim stuff is washed then dried and repacked on sun night ready for the next week so no rushing round before we go swimming trying to find goggles from bitter experience

any medication (as I said disabled DC so lots of meds) I order through the doctors app so no wasting time on the phone.

As soon as we walk in the door after school make sure coats and shoes are put ready for next day, empty lunch boxes and school bags and deal with any school admin right away I have everything on my phone so can do easily. DC get screentime before dinner so I can get this done.

Only one out the house club a week eg scouts. Anything else done at school or after school so I'm not mummy taxi each evening.

Think that's most things. There was a really good thread the other day about "top 3 tips" which had loads of good ideas on, not specific to large families but good in general

Thank you so much, @Decafflatteplease !

My plan isn’t amazing but I’ve tried to stick to a theme and I’ve done a roast on Sundays with the leftovers on Mondays.

Monday- pasta, Tuesday- Mexican, Wednesday- mince, Thursday- slow cooker, Friday/Saturday - either quick or something new (so frozen pizzas or a new recipe) and Sundays- roast.

Week 1: pasta arrabiata and salad; chicken fajitas; taco pasta; jacket potatoes; pizzas; roast chicken.

Week 2: leftover chicken Alfredo, Mexican chicken stew, spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread, some kind of curry, pizzas/new recipe; beef brisket in slow cooker.

Week 3: beef brisket stroganoff with tagliatelle, enchiladas, dirty Cajun rice, gammon in slow cooker, pizzas/new recipe, sausages and mash.

Looking at it like this, it’s quite meat heavy so might be expensive. I don’t eat much meat but have very carnivorous kids/partner!

We’ll see how it goes and amend if necessary! I’m hoping that being organised will mean that I double up and freeze some of the recipes.

I have a huge list of meals by categories on my phone, posting them in case anyone finds them useful!

I’m also going to add a few from yours OP!

I try to do 2x meat, 1x fish and 4x veggie per week & always have 2 days of doubling up (ie pasta bake over 2 nights).

Final two.

I have 3 dcs so not the same but still v busy , a lot of work , part-time teacher but 22 hours contact teaching hours so prep separate, dh fulltime, we also run a small business . My dh and I are very 50/50 so tag team on everything. We have family but they don’t and have never helped whatsoever and never will.
I agree with a previous poster that a lot who appear to manage multiple dcs and jobs etc etc with ease often have buckets of help in the background, well the many I know. I meet the same mum in the pool and granny has her other three for her , she’s often said to me “ how do you manage with all three and changing “etc when they were small, I’ve literally never seen her with all her kids at the same time…. It’s a v v different world when you don’t. Eg. Having no ad hoc care when kids are sick and you have to work, when you are sick , when you have to be in a few places at once etc …..
We are v v v organised, everything laid out the night before , prioritise sleep ( dcs were terrible sleepers so years of chronic sleep deprivation) so we can function with all of our work , calendar with all the appointments, sports stuff etc for each week on a small whiteboard, make sure weekends we get downtime ( dcs are now older so easier ) , I clean up every night and keep on top of laundry most days after work . I can’t live in mess so tidy up as I go , I’ve wicker baskets everywhere as the look so nice and can hide kids toys , books , even clothes .
I fully agree; prioritise your help , I run x 4 times most weeks , sleep is so important for me , my youngest is 6 and only in the last 2 years I’ve been able to sleep all night so I’m catching up after years. Your health is so important and if you feel good you can deal with a lot op and be a better parent . Loads of outdoors with the kids , my eldest don’t always love being dragged out but we always feel better for it and it’s a positive thing. I know we have 3 dcs so you have more but I’m v much on my own in my area for such hands off family but again my dh is brilliant , we have each others . Good luck op, remember your health is your wealth.

• prioritise your health

Thank you @Nuevabegin 😊 food for thought.

@WombatBombat - wow!! Your lists are amazing and extensive; thank you! Do you cook all of those recipes? Your lucky family!

I have 3 and a good routine - weekdays the only things that gets done is

• washing machine set for first thing then hung up/tumbled in morning
• cook 1 dinner for everyone and clean kitchen and dishwasher on and emptied for next day (eldest does this)
• put washing away and get everyone's clothes ready for next day.

My other 2 are younger but have small jobs (fix cushions and tidy sitting room) which helps as I can ask them to do this and saves me a job! They are also responsible for putting their own things away like hanging up jackets, putting shoes in cupboard, emptying school bags, putting clothes in laundry basket. The weekends the other cleaning is blitzed but make sure we do something as a family each day even if it is just a walk but usually swimming, ice skating, bikes etc. Thursday night I do a meal plan and Friday my husband finishes early so does the shopping on the way home. Husband sorts packed lunches in the morning and we are 50/50 on everything else, making dinner etc. I work from home 3 days a week which helps. Any school admin gets complete immediately and put back in their bags and also add to family calendar app which we both have access to and includes all the kids clubs, parties, events. Online shopping for any new clothes or household items. Use Alexa for reminders and adding items to shopping list. I have lowered my standards re: housework. Bathrooms aren't deep cleaned every weekend, we prioritise what needs done most. Don't have much time for myself, would love to exercise more but it's getting easier the older they get.

We have 6 between 1 and 15 years. I work 4 days (8-10 hours a day)

The struggle is real

Washing machine etc always on

Everything written down weekly and stuck on the fridge re appointments / shifts / wrap around for primary age DC

My things i find hardest at the moment are juggling the primary aged two and food. I just seem to order shopping every couple of days and have no plan at all. Must be spending a fortune

Well, I’m still at work. I’m actually just scrolling my phone instead of doing my work. I know that the minute I get home, my second job will start! Thanks again for the support and solidarity ❤️

@THATissoooFETCH

6?! Blimey. 4 is hard enough! 💪