@Tulips365 Hi OP. I've just joined MumsNet as I wanted to reply to your post.
I've suffered anxiety for most of my life, but the last 20 years its been very bad. I've tried a lot of different things (I've tried every single family of anti-depressants) and I still suffer from it. Like you I catastrophise and that creak I hear in the night is the roof about to rip off and that chest pain is the start of a heart attack. I see cracks in my walls that have been there for years and convince myself they're new or they've got worse and my house is subsiding. If a bulb blows then I need to rewire the house. I have to double and triple check the doors when I leave and the oven. I worry constantly about what people think etc. Right now, writing this, I'm worried that (1) I'm writing rubbish (2) That I really should be working (3) That I shouldn't have signed up to MN as social media isn't good for me (4) That I shouldn't have stripped the bed as I'll never have time to wash it and remake it (5) That I might upset people with what I write... etc etc My jaws are tight, I have a migraine, my legs are defensively crossed and my shoulders are tense.
So yeah, been where you are and I'm still there... but I am getting better.
As I said, I tried all the AD's. These impact people differently. For me, they did more harm than good. They made me suicidal, prone to very angry outbursts, unable to orgasm, forgetful, gave me restless leg and started my brain mixing words (the last two have still not cleared up amongst all the other side effects. The "positives" I got was that I was numbed and tired. I was a zombie and I was not cutting it work wise and got demoted, failed in interviews and I ended up in a bad place. I researched their efficacy and found that there's little evidence at all that a chemical imbalance is what causes depression or anxiety (the two tend to be intertwined). I'll personally never touch them again. I know some people seem to gain benefit from them and I desperately wanted a pill to fix me, but in my case, it gave me other things to worry about instead. I'm glad it works for those who it does.
I also tried beta blockers. They caused my breathing to stop, which was something I definitely worried about (having to consciously ensure you breath was not something I want to go through again). I was hopeful these would work though, but my body had other ideas
I've also tried CBT in the past and it helped a bit at the time, but I stopped doing it. I have tried some "natural" remedies including St John's Wort and Kalms. I still use Kalms as the valerian takes the edge off things. Aside from that, I take a multi-vitamin (because my diet doesn't cover everything I need as I have intolerances) and magnesium as I get migraines and don't get any magnesium in my diet and this "seems" to be reducing the severity.
Things I've found that have helped have been:
- Water - If I am dehydrated, even a little, then I get anxious. I have to be careful not to drink too late in the day though or I end up not sleeping for other reasons!
- Exercise - I hate doing it, but it helps when I do
- DBT - Dialetical behaviour therapy (I am currently being given treatment with this via IAPT and its helping)
- Mindfulness meditation - This is what has probably kept me alive and sane over the decades. Its taken me a long time to realise how to do it properly, but in the last year I've noticed my behaviours have been improving. A turning point on this was actually deciding to pay some money to learn how to do it properly. Turns out I could have just bought John Kabat-Zinn's book "Full Catastrophe Living" as that is what the training I did was based on. Now that I am doing meditation every day and not doing it to "relax" or expecting results, I am getting results. Just remembering to check in with myself and realise that I am okay - or realising that I'm not okay and that's okay too!🙂It takes time, but there IS evidence that it has a beneficial effect on anxiety, stress and depression and that it helps prevent reoccurrence. It has a load of other benefits from delaying aging (look up telomeres) and improving focus, sleep and memory.
- Quitting alcohol - this was a double edged sword. I hid behind alcohol as I was painfully shy. I ended up hiding a lot behind alcohol and felt pretty naked when I stopped. I also had a lot of stuff I'd ignored to deal with, but I have been and I'm in a much better place now, but it was tough at first.
- Caffeine - I quit this too (aside from now and then) and I am much less jumpy and sleep better
- Long slow deep breaths - when I wake in the night I do this and I focus on my breathing. It kicks in the body's calming systems (breathing out slowly does this) and you naturally relax. You might not sleep straight away and I've once or twice spent the entire night focusing on my breathing, but your brain relaxes in the same way as sleeping when you are doing this, so it is fine with me. Also a couple of long slow deep breaths anytime you are feeling edgy helps
- Checking in with yourself - during the day (and not just when you are feeling anxious), check in with yourself. Look for signs of tension and relax your body and breath deeply. There is a vicious circle of thought - emotions - behaviours. If you can break one of those (in this case the behaviours), then you help break the self fueling circle. Feeling tense makes your brain think you are tense, which makes it flood your body with "panic" (hormones) and that makes you tense up and that makes your body think you're tense and... you have to break the cycle and stop the thoughts, emotions or how your body is reacting
- Thoughts - Your thoughts are NOT you. They are your brain just going through a load of things that might be threats or might be of interest or might need filing or... and then YOU react to one of these thoughts and it thinks "ah ha, I've found something I need to worry about and that is a danger to me, I need to dig deeper into this and I need to drag up past examples until I find a solution". This is the brain's job, to look for problems and try and avoid them. Trouble is, the bit that alerts you (the amygdala) is in the reptilian part of the brain and is very simplistic. It is panicking or its not. It doesn't do subtle. This is where your mammalian brain in particular the pre-frontal cortex comes in. The PFC can tell the amygdala to calm down, but it takes a moment (the amygdala is the fight or flight instant action part of the brain and it panics first). Meditation increases brain density and activity in the PFC and it decreases the size and activity of the amygdala. I'm fairly sure that my anxiety is all down to a way, way too active and large amygdala and I need to meditate more so my PFC gets better at controlling the amygdala and to shrink the amygdala... anyway, I digress
- Splashing cold water in your face - turns out there are cold sensors above your eyes and lip and if they feel cold water, your body thinks you're diving underwater and it slows your breathing and heart rate. I thought this was nonsense, but it works.
- Gratitude journaling - this is another thing that takes its time to work, but the simple action of putting down the positives of each day slowly train your mind to realise that its not all as bad as it fears
- Setting goals and stopping avoiding the things that you fear.
- STOP - Stop (literally) Take a step Back (take a deep breath). Observe (look around and inside - what's the situation and what are your thoughts and feelings). Proceed Mindfully (act on what you've observed).
I have to go back to work and I've written too much as it is. Hopefully some of this helps. I have been in a very bad place before (suicide attempts, literally rocking in a corner, considered for committal etc ) and I'm now able to hold down a stressful job and support my family. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting there.
Hope that helps and hope it doesn't upset anyone.