That's it. Anxiety has won. I am exhausted and can't take any more

[Tulips365]

Hi,

I honestly don't know how much more I can take. During the day I'm constantly jumping to worse case scenario and during the night, my OCD kicks in and I have awful, dark thoughts on a constant loop, including disturbing images, like a kaleidoscope of horrors. Last night I got 2 hours sleep and that was actually this morning. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night and wanted to scream. Would have done if it weren't for dp and dd.

Today of course I feel like utter shit.

I have avoided medication for decades, but I think I've hit the wall. I hate the idea of taking something daily and am also very wary of side effects. Mostly weight gain and numbness.

I'm absolutely desperate now. Any natural remedies that actually work or am I absolutely kidding myself?

Thank you.

Finding the right med makes all the difference. Sertraline and citalopram were both awful for me. All side effects, no benefits. Fluoxetine has transformed my life. No numbness but just… normality. Proportionate responses to situations and no more flashbacks/obsessive rumination/panic attacks. And no weight gain — in fact I’ve lost over 6 stone as reducing my anxiety helped me get my eating under control. The only side effects I had were hot flushes for the first 6 months or so – but they were manageable. Best of luck OP. Anxiety like that is no way to live.

Hi @Tulips365 hope you’re ok. I’ve suffered with anxiety all my life. I haven’t found a magic answer and never tried medication (though I would if it started up again). I found that remembering that allowing the anxious thoughts to dominate was a form of self harm and therefore damaging in the same way that the anxious ‘thing’ may be damaging did help. I also used to try and power through (not easy at all and rarely happened). When I could manage this and say, ignore a compulsion or ignore a thought, I found it got on top of it. It is extremely hard to do though and I would often have that sick feeling in my body if I hadn’t completed an ocd ‘task’ or hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on an intrusive thought. With milder anxiety I have found that telling myself I will ‘sit’ with the thoughts for a while, maybe a day or so, that they fade. None of it is easy but being loving to yourself, as cringy as that sounds, really matters. Also if you can share any of it with a friend then often you realise the thoughts aren’t rational, or perhaps post them here so you have support. Xxx

Sertraline here. More sleepy overall. I feel free of the constant overthinking that was plaguing me. I no longer go through "flashforwards" of the whole family dying in an accident every time I drive the car. I no longer get a physical jolt and wave of adrenaline when one of the kids says they are tired/ have a headache.
Should warn you, the first week of taking them - from day 3 ish to day 10ish was horrifically bad. Worst waves of anxiety I have ever had. Then suddenly I woke up and felt better. Not sure I ever want to stop taking them tbh.

Same here. It's a miracle drug.

Increase saturated fat. Fasting and the carnivore diet acts like a reset button.

What dose of setraline are you on?

There is a confusion here.

@Dominoeffecter is referring to ERP which is for OCD and is pretty much the gold standard therapy for it.

the OP is thinking of EMDR which is indeed for trauma or PTSD.

OP sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Sounds awful.

What makes you think that medication for Anxiety in particular is going to cause you weight gain or numbness? If it’s something you have read online; defo stop reading that source. As a lived experiencer of pretty much all the psych meds, I haven’t come across any modern drugs for anxiety that cause weight gain or numbness.

I can think of a couple of the older drugs used for depression mainly, that may increase appetite, but not that cause weight gain directly. There are also different types of drug such as mood stabilisers which are associated with weight gain but you’re not in the target market for those.

I would give the meds a go. You feel awful now so you have everything to gain. All the best xx

Hey OP, hope you're OK. I've been in this situation and I did get better. It was horrendous. I was diagnosed with anxiety and a panic disorder.

To break my panic attack cycle my GP put me on valium for 5 days. By day 4 I was addicted which is why they only give you a few days worth. It helped me sleep and break the cycle.

After this, I had a high dose of propranolol but I developed neurological symptoms and so it was switched to amitriptyline which actually helped my mood, sleep and neurological issues.

Gradually over 12 months, my panic became less and less. And I was able to pull through but I needed therapy, meds, exercise and eventually a new job.

I needed to disassociate from that period of my life so needing a whole new job, redecorating the house and i even had to buy a whole new wardrobe of clothes (off Vinted and eBay in bundles). If I wore clothes from during that period - it would trigger panic again.

I even needed new bedding.

Anyway, nothing changes if nothing changes. And I really really hope you get better soon.

Im now a sensitive and fragile woman but by avoiding triggers and continuing to focus on DC, DH and exercise - Im generally ok

If I start lacking self care (chipped nails, messy hair) then I sink fast xxx

Those on setraline… what dosage are you on?

Amitriptyline is known for weight gain. But if anything, it improved my mood so much I went put for more walks! X

I know the struggle. Check out YouTube videos by Ali Greymond. They have helped me immensely. Keep yourself busy. Do not fall in the trap of analysing your thoughts. You can overcome it. Stay strong. I know the suffering, God it's awful when people cannot understand what you are going through and just say "it's all in your brain, stop thinking about it".

I never took medication. I had very bad false memory OCD. Hoping it never returns. If you are religious try praying, keep yourself busy, chamomile tea, exercise, socialising, a B12 supplement... and so on all have helped me.
But do check out Ali Greymond videos they helped me immensely!!!

100 mg a day

www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Cure-Six-Step-Programme-Without-ebook/dp/B003ULP3MQ/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1676897373&sr=8-1.
I found this book really helpful.

Thank you so much for all your messages and advice. It honestly makes me feel less alone.

My head is spinning and my reflection is shocking! Just need to get through another day.

Well done OP, and I hope you can get a GP appointment OK.

You are NOT weak etc. and you deserve professional help to help you get better.

I was really struggling with anxiety and constant intrusive thoughts and had tried various medications with no relief .After also developing insonmia my gp prescribed Metrazipine (15mg)..Absolute game changer. My anxiety eased overnight and i started getting 5/6 hours sleep which made a big difference to my life and helped me on my road to recovery.Ive also found that listening to podcasts has helped me focus and stopped my thoughts from wandering.Please dont suffer anymore OP and get the help you need as bad anxiety has been the bane of my life and I didnt know how much more i could take till i found the right medication for me .

This.

Take the meds.

Eat well, sleep well, get plenty of fresh air. Drag yourself out the house.

Start with basic self care and stick to it.

What are the obsessions? (I was an inpatient with OCD and have been ‘in remission’ for years)

@Cuppsoupmonster mine are much more to do with obsessive and repetitive thoughts. I can get a conversation, a line from a film, a bar of music stuck on a loop in my head, sometimes for hours and it is like a form of torture. Then these kaleidoscope type disturbing images start, along with adrenaline jolts of pure terror just as my body starts to relax.

CBT

I work for Mind - do you have a branch near to you? We offer 1:1 crisis support, groups sessions and 1:1 emotional support. The groups in particular can really help to learn good strategies for dealing with anxiety, meet other people with the same issues and generally help you to feel less alone with it. Even though I run groups, I have learnt a heck of a lot through the sessions.

There's also lots of books that could help you to understand what's going to for you too - eg When the Body says No by Gabor Maté.

Good luck to you - anxiety, panic attacks and sleep deprivation are bloody awful.

@Blessedwithsunshine I've had several lots of CBT. Not very useful.

@Chat2224 Thank you. Just had a look on their website, but there's nothing near me apparently.

This is sounding a lot like neurodiversity to me. Have you considered you could be autistic, or have SPD? This is exactly how I feel when I am in sensory overload.

@bagelbagelbagel I have considered it, but I think it's likely to be a combination of OCD and ADHD.

Definitely see GP about it, they can refer you. Took just under a year from referral to diagnosis.

Have a look at this checklist too the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

Thank you @bagelbagelbagel I will take the test, but I have done quite a few and normally score quite low.