Help me to understand an alcoholic family member?

[FrogsNDogs]

Hi. I'm at sea with this - no experience. My sister, who has 3 teenage kids, has a serious alcohol problem. It's affecting her kids badly now. I need to get her to stop. She obviously knows there's a problem (she did give up a few years ago, but has slipped back), must be able to see what it's doing to the people she loves most in the world, and when pushed keeps saying she's going to stop by next week (or similar). She'll need to do it slowly because she's physically dependent, and says she knows how to taper. She has been to AA in the past. She always manages to reassure me that she's fine, and I relax, and then something happens which makes me realise she's anything but. But she also lies about it, all the time. Lies, and lies, and lies. I have to help, but it feels like trying to pick up a jelly with your fingers. I don't know what's up and what's down any more. So worried about her. Can't get my head around what must be going through her poor mind. What can I actually DO?

I can also really recommend SMART recovery (for her and you). It's a support group but isn't quite as judgemental as I found AA to be.

You might be surprised how much the novelty of getting a takeaway (because you parent can’t be arsed to cook regularly) wares off quite quickly. Teenagers, like all children, do actually want stability and boring routine.

The best you can do is offer. How old are your kids? If they are younger then the teenagers could be paid to babysit them during the holiday a bit, which might be nice to offer some responsibility and normality to staying with you.

Please do let the school know, they won’t judge, and she won’ be the first (or last) alcoholic parent they know about. But it does mean they can have support put in place for them. Especially if the situation takes a sudden turn for the worse (not saying it will, but could).

Hi OP. I was that adolescent for a while and wanted to offer another perspective. Having the boring stability of normal family life (home cooked food, board games, chats around the table) was welcome. It was safe, normal, and i
could relax. I felt looked after and part of the family. You might be surprised after a day or
so settling in. You could even explain, Thai is boring, but it is also easy, and you can just hang out. I would have loved that.

@FrogsNDogs

I've actually had my siblings dc to stay with us for this very reason and I'm sorry to say they didn't enjoy it at all - an Enid Blyton countryside existence was definitely not what they wanted. They hated the food, sulked about no ubers or deliveroo and rang their dad to moan that I wouldn't let them vape in the house. I don't have them here now and they don't want to come. I tend to support them financially instead to ensure they have enough money for train fares and takeaways as life is still pretty chaotic.