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Original poster

Lady in the bank cried

76 replies

Wearefamily23 · 10/02/2023 13:46

A little complicated. But DD bank account was closed a while back something to do with fraud. We did not understand how or what had happend . Recently got advice on how to chase it up and look into it . Anyway dd realised it was from her DV situation. There is a section within the bank for people to seek help under dv. Dd spoke to someone on the phone went into quite a but of detail. She's also seem someone in the bank to give details speak about what happend etc.

So dd was told to write everything down as best she can about the dv and how it come to effect her bank account. They told her not to hold back and just put everything she can think of. And that they will help her typed it all up and get it sent to the people who deal with that sort of stuff.

Anyway the lady read through everything and cried she said how dd was so strong for all that she has been through. And she really felt for her etc. Was sad that the lady cried but also nice that she had empathy and understanding for DD.

OP posts:
PreparationPreparationPrep · 10/02/2023 13:53

Yes it was clearly a trigger for her- maybe she had been through something similar or knows of someone close.

As well the banks and other companies offering services like this should make sure they train their staff and give them support to deal with situations like this, for someone else it may be an added burden thinking they had upset the person who is supposed to help them.

Original poster
Wearefamily23 · 10/02/2023 14:03

PreparationPreparationPrep · 10/02/2023 13:53

Yes it was clearly a trigger for her- maybe she had been through something similar or knows of someone close.

As well the banks and other companies offering services like this should make sure they train their staff and give them support to deal with situations like this, for someone else it may be an added burden thinking they had upset the person who is supposed to help them.

Yes definitely. I hope the lady has someone she can talk to. It would not be right ti out that in to staff without giving support

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 10/02/2023 14:37

Have you posted about your daughter’s bank account recently? Where she let her ex use it for drug money if I recall and so it was shut down and she couldn’t open another?

If it is you, pleased to see she is now getting helps. Sounds like the woman at the bank felt for her.

TheOrigRights · 10/02/2023 15:10

I was given a great deal of support and dignity when I cried in the bank during my divorce (I am sure they see many distressed people).

I also had a horrible experience when the cheery bank teller said "oh you're getting married, how lovely" in response to me bringing in all the name change docs. Surely....surely they must know that a name change doesn't always mean marriage.

I guess it's less of an issue now that there are fewer actual branches to go and have a breakdown in these days.

Johnnysgirl · 10/02/2023 15:15

There is a section within the bank for people to seek help under dv.
How do they do this?

BerylBillings · 10/02/2023 15:43

In case it might help anyone:
survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/banking/how-banks-can-help/

Hope your daughter's now in a better place, OP.

mommatoone · 10/02/2023 15:52

Goodness me .i never knew anything about this. What a good idea. Best wishes to your daughter OP.

mommatoone · 10/02/2023 15:52

Goodness me .i never knew anything about this. What a good idea. Best wishes to your daughter OP.

MissWings · 10/02/2023 16:01

Bless. Probably because she didn’t/doesn’t work in these sorts of services so potentially triggered her. It’s usually water off a ducks back to other people who work in certain services. Yes I know that sounds cold but thats life.

WeepingSomnambulist · 10/02/2023 16:05

Is your daughter in a better place now? Fully away from him? She knew and allowed him to use her account to run drug money through. You really need to be sure she wont fall back into that.

Original poster
Wearefamily23 · 10/02/2023 16:11

WeepingSomnambulist · 10/02/2023 16:05

Is your daughter in a better place now? Fully away from him? She knew and allowed him to use her account to run drug money through. You really need to be sure she wont fall back into that.

Nothing to do with drugs money . We don't even know the fall detail of what he done . Because bank won't say what it is. But also dd could not fully say what he done because he's not gonna sit her down and say I done xyz with your account.

She did not know or allow him. It only came to light recently we managed to get advice.

But yes he's in prison at the moment. Due out soon sadly

OP posts:
PizzasAndCola · 10/02/2023 16:23

Wow, this sounds amazing, really great. I never knew this exists. I hope your dd is ok OP 💗

River82 · 10/02/2023 16:25

PreparationPreparationPrep · 10/02/2023 13:53

Yes it was clearly a trigger for her- maybe she had been through something similar or knows of someone close.

As well the banks and other companies offering services like this should make sure they train their staff and give them support to deal with situations like this, for someone else it may be an added burden thinking they had upset the person who is supposed to help them.

I work in banking and we are trained on domestic violence and economic abuse. Also mental health, suicide etc.

I try to stay rational and objective with customers while showing empathy, but can see why an advisor might be upset face to face. It doesn't mean she has first hand experience of abuse. She might she be emotional or burnt out.

smileladiesplease · 10/02/2023 16:25

Oh bless your dd snd to be honest I think most decent people would cry reading testimony like this.

I do hood life gets better for your dd and for you all

Marmite27 · 10/02/2023 16:27

Wearefamily23 · 10/02/2023 14:03

Yes definitely. I hope the lady has someone she can talk to. It would not be right ti out that in to staff without giving support

Show quote history

I used to take bereavement support calls for a high street bank. I had to have a weekly counselling session and after 6 months you get moved to another ‘skill’ for 3 months. You could go back to bereavement after that if you wanted to, but didn’t have to.

It’s different doing it on the phone than in the branch, as where in branch you’d have one or two a week, it was call after call with distressed family/friends of deceased customers.

LikeTearsInRain · 10/02/2023 16:32

Maybe she was an empath. I’m one. I get very emotional at other people’s situations

JingsMahBucket · 10/02/2023 16:44

Glitteratitar · 10/02/2023 14:37

Have you posted about your daughter’s bank account recently? Where she let her ex use it for drug money if I recall and so it was shut down and she couldn’t open another?

If it is you, pleased to see she is now getting helps. Sounds like the woman at the bank felt for her.

@Glitteratitar @WeepingSomnambulist Why do people do stuff like this, dredging up what they think is a poster's past history? Like if they're trying to catch the OP out or something. It's so accusatory when it really isn't necessary, especially on a thread like this.

mynameiscalypso · 10/02/2023 16:48

I didn't read @Glitteratitar's post as accusatory at all, I remember the previous post and I was hoping this was the same as OP as that one too as it means that the daughter in question has got the support that she needs.

OP, I'm glad the bank are helpful and have been empathetic. I hope your daughter manages to get her account sorted.

Teaandtoast3 · 10/02/2023 16:51

💐

PreparationPreparationPrep · 10/02/2023 16:51

I try to stay rational and objective with while showing empathy, but can see why an advisor might be upset face to face. It doesn't mean she has first hand experience of abuse. She might she be emotional or burnt out

That's good to hear. I sympathise with the OPs daughter as she is coming there for help because it is on offer - and obviously having to relive a lot of what has happened to her. Someone else might not feel they have explained or discussed everything if the advisor looks visibly upset. That's why I asked because traditionally advisors are fully trained, receiving ongoing support and CPD etc so they are more robust. I don't think it's about not having empathy it is about being able to professionally give support to someone who is vulnerable.

Deviniaursula · 10/02/2023 16:53

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 10/02/2023 16:54

I’m so pleased the bank were sympathetic.
I was financially abused 15+ years ago before it was a crime, the bank were the opposite of helpful and made my situation 100 times worse. I am genuinely pleased it’s changed.

I wish your daughter all the very best in her new life

SoShallINever · 10/02/2023 16:54

MissWings · 10/02/2023 16:01

Bless. Probably because she didn’t/doesn’t work in these sorts of services so potentially triggered her. It’s usually water off a ducks back to other people who work in certain services. Yes I know that sounds cold but thats life.

Not really.
I work in the NHS and the Safeguarding lead always follows up to make sure staff are ok after involvement in a DV or child protection issue.

Deviniaursula · 10/02/2023 16:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2023 17:00

I am sure they see many distressed people

Yes, they do - the obvious one being those who are sorting out bank accounts after a bereavement - so I'm really pleased your DD had sensitive service, OP

They were even sensitive with me, when my ex kept demanding that they stopped sending paper statements of our joint account from which he was draining money. Every time I went in and asked for them to be reinstated he'd visit and cancel them - only I didn't know this (presumably they weren't allowed to tell me?) so I blamed the bank

Of course I went in and apologised profusely when it all came out - even bought a huge box of chocs for them to share - and they couldn't have been nicer, which was a lot more than I deserved