Page 3 | Lady in the bank cried

Wearefamily23 · 2023-02-10T13:46:46+00:00

A little complicated. But DD bank account was closed a while back something to do with fraud. We did not understand how or what had happend . Recently got advice on how to chase it up and look into it . Anyway dd realised it was from her DV situation. There is a section within the bank for people to seek help under dv. Dd spoke to someone on the phone went into quite a but of detail. She's also seem someone in the bank to give details speak about what happend etc. So dd was told to write everything down as best she can about the dv and how it come to effect her bank account. They told her not to hold back and just put everything she can think of. And that they will help her typed it all up and get it sent to the people who deal with that sort of stuff. Anyway the lady read through everything and cried she said how dd was so strong for all that she has been through. And she really felt for her etc. Was sad that the lady cried but also nice that she had empathy and understanding for DD.

Original poster

Wearefamily23 · 10/02/2023 20:54

ladyvimes · 10/02/2023 19:25

I think it means a lot to others when people show that kind of empathy and understanding. Can be very comforting to know that even strangers are in your side. Wishing your daughter well for the future.

Yes it definitely means alot . And thank you 😊

OP posts:

Thistlelass · 11/02/2023 00:51

How very unprofessional of this member of staff.

Deviniaursula · 11/02/2023 07:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

weirdoboelady · 11/02/2023 08:57

I COMPLETELY disagree with the two posters above. Having empathy does not prevent delivery of a professional service. Indeed, it may well support the client's dignity by reinforcing the message that they are going through a sh!t time (and, in many cases, getting a sh!t service from, eg statutory services/utilities etc). and others are moved by their plight. Let's keep humanity in our interactions with others.

Background - I worked in charities for my whole professional life and heard more heartbreaking stories that I can shake a stick at. Empathising with clients did increased my determination to deliver a good service. (To give context, I was reduced to tears two or three times a year, sometimes with the client and sometimes alone in my office or when hearing from my staff about their own reaction).

Johnnysgirl · 11/02/2023 09:10

Well, I agree with them. It would have said to me that this woman has been thrust into a therapeutic role without adequate training. They're bank staff...

Original poster

Wearefamily23 · 11/02/2023 09:53

weirdoboelady · 11/02/2023 08:57

I COMPLETELY disagree with the two posters above. Having empathy does not prevent delivery of a professional service. Indeed, it may well support the client's dignity by reinforcing the message that they are going through a sh!t time (and, in many cases, getting a sh!t service from, eg statutory services/utilities etc). and others are moved by their plight. Let's keep humanity in our interactions with others.

Background - I worked in charities for my whole professional life and heard more heartbreaking stories that I can shake a stick at. Empathising with clients did increased my determination to deliver a good service. (To give context, I was reduced to tears two or three times a year, sometimes with the client and sometimes alone in my office or when hearing from my staff about their own reaction).

I totally agree. Expressing emotions can show understanding and empathy. And they are also human not robots. I hope you have someone to talk to when things are upsetting.

OP posts:

Teaandtoast3 · 11/02/2023 09:59

I’ve been moved to tears before. I’ve always blinked them away but sometimes it just happens despite how professional you are trying to be.

startingagain13 · 11/02/2023 17:46

That is trauma work and I would be concerned for both at opening up this discussion. It's a very kind thing for the woman to do and lovely that it has been helpful. I feel concerned that this could have gone very wrong however and the lady may not have known how to react.

SweetSakura · 11/02/2023 17:49

My bank was wonderful and efficient and empathetic when I was leaving my abusive ex.i have never forgotten how they handled it and what a difference their swift action and understanding made at a very dark time for me

Mrsgreen100 · 11/02/2023 17:56

I’m sure it wasn’t bloody barclays!

restingbitchface30 · 11/02/2023 18:59

Poor lady. And poor daughter. I was in that position myself and on any occasion I’ve gone into detail people are in disbelief about what I’ve been through. It’s was horrific and I went through every abuse you can imagine. My partner finds it particularly tough. I really hope your daughter is in a better place and has a bright future ahead of her. Don’t let evil, twisted people win.

threatmatrix · 11/02/2023 19:03

JingsMahBucket · 10/02/2023 16:44

@Glitteratitar @WeepingSomnambulist Why do people do stuff like this, dredging up what they think is a poster's past history? Like if they're trying to catch the OP out or something. It's so accusatory when it really isn't necessary, especially on a thread like this.

Show quote history

I’m glad you wrote this, people are just dying to try and catch others out in something. Maybe they have no lives.

River82 · 11/02/2023 20:28

PeaceLilyCactus · 10/02/2023 20:36

I work for a bank and we’re not given enough training to deal with vulnerable customers. It’s better than it used to be but it’s no-where near enough. I spent 90 minutes on the phone to someone who’d been in an abusive relationship this week, whilst she broke her heart crying and telling me about all the awful things he did. I had to take a ten minute break to calm down and process my feelings after the call. I’ve had to deal with suicidal people and there’s a one page guide on how to handle those calls which is mainly procedural. Bank staff are often treated like counsellors nowadays with people telling us all their personal problems. I’ll absolutely do my best to help a customer in trouble, but we’re limited to what we can do. I hope your daughter continues to get the support she needs.

I did a counselling qualification outside of work for this reason. I'm in a role where I deal with a lot of very vulnerable people.

Horsedoglover59 · 12/02/2023 07:19

Johnnysgirl · 11/02/2023 09:10

Well, I agree with them. It would have said to me that this woman has been thrust into a therapeutic role without adequate training. They're bank staff...

I agree too, I'm afraid. Empathy is well and good, but if I had gone to a bank or building society in an already fragile state, I want the person I deal with to be calm, friendly, professional and sympathetic, but not to the extent of crying with me - I'd end up feeling even more guilty, thinking that I'd brought something bad back for them.

We're having financial difficulties at present, and one of my accounts keeps being overdrawn, which it isn't authorised to be. I got the most sympathetic letter from my bank yesterday, asking if they could help in any way, as they could see I'd been having difficulties recently. It was a really kind letter. So different from the old days when you just got a snotty letter saying we will return any payments if you don't bring your account back into credit NOW! Obviously they are taking on board so many of us are having financial difficulties now.

TiaI · 12/02/2023 07:32

BerylBillings · 10/02/2023 15:43

In case it might help anyone:
survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/banking/how-banks-can-help/

Hope your daughter's now in a better place, OP.

What an amazing support!!!

TiaI · 12/02/2023 07:35

weirdoboelady · 11/02/2023 08:57

I COMPLETELY disagree with the two posters above. Having empathy does not prevent delivery of a professional service. Indeed, it may well support the client's dignity by reinforcing the message that they are going through a sh!t time (and, in many cases, getting a sh!t service from, eg statutory services/utilities etc). and others are moved by their plight. Let's keep humanity in our interactions with others.

Background - I worked in charities for my whole professional life and heard more heartbreaking stories that I can shake a stick at. Empathising with clients did increased my determination to deliver a good service. (To give context, I was reduced to tears two or three times a year, sometimes with the client and sometimes alone in my office or when hearing from my staff about their own reaction).

This 100%

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 07:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

weirdoboelady · 12/02/2023 17:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

The two are not mutually exclusive, of course! Empathy leads to better abilities to help, in my experience...

Johnnysgirl · 12/02/2023 17:50

weirdoboelady · 12/02/2023 17:28

The two are not mutually exclusive, of course! Empathy leads to better abilities to help, in my experience...

Show quote history

How would you feel about an actual therapist, or marriage guidance counsellor, for example; sobbing along with you as you told them your story?
It would be a very poor therapist indeed that empathised to that extent.
If bank staff are expected to take on a therapeutic role (and really, they shouldn't.
Banks who want to help should signpost to proper professional help instead, imo) they should be properly trained themselves.

Original poster

Wearefamily23 · 12/02/2023 17:55

restingbitchface30 · 11/02/2023 18:59

Poor lady. And poor daughter. I was in that position myself and on any occasion I’ve gone into detail people are in disbelief about what I’ve been through. It’s was horrific and I went through every abuse you can imagine. My partner finds it particularly tough. I really hope your daughter is in a better place and has a bright future ahead of her. Don’t let evil, twisted people win.

I'm sorry for what went through . Dd is getting there and is much better. I'm glad things are better for you 💐

OP posts:

Original poster

Wearefamily23 · 12/02/2023 18:03

Johnnysgirl · 12/02/2023 17:50

How would you feel about an actual therapist, or marriage guidance counsellor, for example; sobbing along with you as you told them your story?
It would be a very poor therapist indeed that empathised to that extent.
If bank staff are expected to take on a therapeutic role (and really, they shouldn't.
Banks who want to help should signpost to proper professional help instead, imo) they should be properly trained themselves.

Show quote history

The lady in the bank was not sobbing. In my daughters case she was fine with it . Dd said although people such as support workers social workers show understanding and empathy. The lady in the bank seemed mure real. And as others have Said she's probably not been fully trained to deal with situations like this.

OP posts:

supersonicginandtonic · 12/02/2023 18:15

If social workers, trauma staff, counsellors etc don't cry, it doesn't mean they don't understand or aren't empathetic. It means they are professionals doing the job they are trained to do.
Banking staff don't deal with it every day, thankfully abs this lady obviously found it hard.

weirdoboelady · 12/02/2023 18:38

Johnnysgirl · 12/02/2023 17:50

How would you feel about an actual therapist, or marriage guidance counsellor, for example; sobbing along with you as you told them your story?
It would be a very poor therapist indeed that empathised to that extent.
If bank staff are expected to take on a therapeutic role (and really, they shouldn't.
Banks who want to help should signpost to proper professional help instead, imo) they should be properly trained themselves.

Show quote history

How is this relevant? We are not talking about professional therapy, which is a totally different interaction.

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 19:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Amabitnewhere · 12/02/2023 19:44

Blessedtobeamum · 10/02/2023 19:13

To be honest it is only now that I feel able to tell anyone what I went through with the monster in my life.

I still hear his words in my head.
I still despise myself.
I know I will never be the same again.
I will always look in the mirror and see the worthless piece of shit he always said I was.

I am so sorry you still feel like that. You really deserve to feel worthy. Are you able to get some help with that?