Shocked by USA court ordering mum to stop BF

[mumyes]

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/breastfeeding-custody-dispute-judge-ruling-child-b2274776.html

Scary.

What an absolute bastard of a 'father'

I think what shocks me is that I genuinely think that 99.999999% mums respond as biology demands to love and care for and want the best for their babies. It's basic biology. Watch any nature programme.

And this totally screws with that.

So mums that do shared parental leave aren’t doing that?

Country living has the same benefits as breastfeeding. Should all people with children move to the countryside and avoid the nasty city pollutants? If not why not?

And if formula is so processed and awful and breastmilk so important, why can’t we ever tell the difference between a breastfed and non-breastfed child?

I agree... It sounds bad from title but when you read more of the commentary it's like she doesn't want him to have any time at all.

From the quotes she's saying baby BFs sometimes every hour, so it clearly sounds like she is trying to minimise time with father. He has said he's given her time and space to express/ bf but at some point the bf as a 'bonding' tool for mum is directly at odds with the dad's opportunity to bond with baby.

Is he meant to have no overnights or time with baby until what, baby is 1, 2?? What if mum wants to bf until child is 4?! How does that impact the dad's ability to bond and build a relationship.

I say this as a mum who bf my kids. And agree that I've seen on MN the 'bf as long as you can' to minimise time spend and remove possibility of overnight stays in threads.

@Cuppasoupmonster er, no! That's not what I said. RTFP!!

Durr!

You can. People who aren't breastfeed are more likely to suffer from gastrointestinal issues like IBD. Breastfeeding also reduces the likelihood of getting allergies. It's not foolproof of course but it helps.

I come from a family that is plagued by these issues so perhaps I care more than most, but the idea the a court would mandate that a child is put at higher risk of these things just to make life more convenient for the dad blows my mind.

By how much? An amount that makes such things rare in breastfed people, and common in formula fed people? My family is riddled with illnesses breastfeeding is supposed to prevent and we were all EBF. I’m type 1 diabetic, sister is asthmatic, the other has eczema, we also have autoimmune arthritis, lupus and intolerances in the family.

There is a benefit but it’s so tiny it’s only noticeable on a population wide level. Mumsnet seems to really hate anyone saying that but it’s a fact! And I breastfed for 8 months, and stopped because I went on medication that they couldn’t guarantee me was safe for my baby but said ‘it was thought to be’. So I’m not anti bfing at all, I just think it’s massively over hyped on here.

Btw the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend breastfeeding to age two as a minimum, so the courts are fully aware they are jeopardising the baby's health to appease the dads feelings.

I know breastfeeding is an emotive subject on here so I don't want to offend people, but let's not avoid uncomfortable truths to protect mens feelings either.

The ‘uncomfortable truth’ is it makes very little difference to the long term health of any baby, and is recommended because of a slight benefit that saves governments money when imposed on a population sized number of children.

There is a benefit but it’s so tiny it’s only noticeable on a population wide level.

What does that even mean? Population wide data is made up of data from individuals.

You could say the same about antibiotics- oh not everyone who is prescribed them develops autoimmune diseases and allergies, so let's just give them to everyone preventatively whether they need them or not and screw the lives that are damaged!

I suspect that there is more nuance to the story than reported - there often is but that doesn't make a newsworthy story.
Breastfeeding is great but it's not the be all and end all.

I get the mum wants that bond with her baby but she doesn't seem to be making the effort for the bond with the father to develop either.

There are more options than just stopping breastfeeding completely.
Breastfeeding when with mum, pumping and bottle feeding breast milk when with dad
A mix of breast & formula
Or just formula
The court order just requires her to make every effort to move towards a compromise, it's not saying she MUST give the baby formula.
All options would probably be fine (unless there are specific medical issues that contradict)

Many many many kids are not strictly breast or formula fed and muddle through. Many parents even when living together share the burden by expressing or using formula and combining that with breastfeeding.

This. After a few nights of having to make up night feeds and settle a distressed and fractious baby, I imagine he'll practically be shoving her back in to her mother. It's not just the nutritional aspect of breastfeeding, it's also that it's a really easy way to settle a fussing baby.

Don’t get angry with me, facts are facts. It makes very little difference to the long term health of any baby.

Well it might solve itself then 🤷🏼‍♀️

A 5 month old! Outrageous. I thought it was going to be a 4 year old or something.

You might want to have a read of the current Lancet articles on breastfeeding.

The bfing beetlejuice of mumsnet is back 😉 which articles? Can you link because otherwise you’ll just say I’ve looked at the wrong one 🤷🏼‍♀️

The rights of the child have come last in this. The baby is familiar with nursing for comfort. To do overnights, to swap to bottles and to lose that comfort so early is very sad.

And the mum- she'll likely leak when parted from the baby. It's bad enough when it's your choice, it's awful when it's imposed on you.

@Cuppasoupmonster I believe you've been on this thread a lot longer than me ... the formula beetlejuice of mumsnet is also back.

Search the lancet, it's pretty obvious on their webpage. A three part scientific review of current situations regarding breastfeeding. It might update some of your facts.

Given that you're so keen on telling women everyone how few benefits there are, I assume you'd want to keep your knowledge current.

Formula beetle juice 😆 I breastfed for 8 months, not ages admittedly but I’m hardly a strong formula advocate. I’m just a bit more objective and realistic about the whole thing.

Please send a link as I’ve had a look and can’t find it.

What's not beautiful about it? Genuinely asking.

I didn't breastfeed myself (I couldn't) nor did my mum (she didn't want to) but objectively speaking, it's a natural beautiful part of nature.

Don't see a problem with this at all. The baby will be 8 months when the arrangements start and would have reaped most of the benefits from breastfeeding. Having a relationship with its father is 1000xs more important. Good for the dad and good for the judge.

But I suppose this is Mumsnet, where woman think children should be breastfed until they are 8 and potty training doesn't start until secondary school.

And I combi fed for 13 months so I don't see why you keep on at me. You're on more threads than me telling women your facts.

www.thelancet.com/series/Breastfeeding-2023

As requested.

The benefits are ongoing: comfort, hydration, sleep. There’s also the fact the baby is clearly fed on demand and the court is ordering the mother to feed to a schedule – taking a parenting decision away from the mother, but also fundamentally misunderstanding how breastfeeding and feeding on demand work. Plus it’s bloody hard to switch from feeding on demand to feeding on a schedule, and hard to switch an EBF to taking a bottle (babies are ornery and don’t listen to court orders), so it’s also adding a heap of stress to the mother during her parenting time, made extra stressful because it’s something she doesn’t want, to benefit only the father.