Page 2 | Shocked by USA court ordering mum to stop BF

mumyes · 2023-02-09T09:17:51+00:00

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/breastfeeding-custody-dispute-judge-ruling-child-b2274776.html Scary. What an absolute bastard of a 'father'

Blort · 09/02/2023 10:19

mybunniesandme · 09/02/2023 10:18

Reading the article it states that the father gave space for her to nurse the baby but presumably that has been rejected hence why they are now up in court so there must be a massive backstory we aren't party to as to why this has become so acrimonious

Theres no reasonable back story where a mum should be ordered to separate from 5 or 7 month old baby and not breastfeed. None.

If she's a terrible mother social services should be involved to ensure safety.

WeWereInParis · 09/02/2023 10:19

The baby is now 7 months, and the father can have overnight visits from feb. The court order was made when the baby was 5 months I think.

Blort · 09/02/2023 10:19

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2023 10:16

Isn't maternity leave 6 weeks in the US? With that sort of background, I can see a court thinking a baby should be able to go a few hours without their mother (not that I agree with them). And overnight visits at such a small age seems hard to imagine.

Agree. The more I learn about America the more revolted I am.

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:19

I do understand the reactions on here but equally if he was just flying by twice a week for a cuddle he would be a ‘deadbeat dad’. The baby could go on breastfeeding for another 2 years, I’m not surprised he wants some form of regular access now the baby is on solids and they’re past the first 6 months. The courts look at everything, there will be a reason why he can’t (or she doesn’t want him to) have regular quick visits to her house in lieu of overnights.

disappointedyet · 09/02/2023 10:20

When my dd1 was newborn her dad went for contact visits but I was ebf so said no. The court told me to express milk or use formula - no excuses basically . In the end we came to an agreement ourselves as once in the family court system we soon realised that we could manage to work it out ourselves and we just did visits at my house so I could feed her then he could take her out or play with her in between feeds and she was happy . The court were saying contact centres and bottles and we just realised they were not thinking of dd.

Duckingella · 09/02/2023 10:20

Not surprised it's the USA;the same country that only gives mothers 6 weeks maternity and has banned abortions

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:22

@disappointedyet i don’t think 100% breastfeeding rather than 80% warrants no relationship with one parent though. The baby will benefit from a relationship with both parents, and continue to have breastmilk just given in a bottle some 20% of the time. I don’t think it’s the big deal that is being made out on here and ‘policing women’s bodies’ and all that nonsense.

mybunniesandme · 09/02/2023 10:23

@Blort

I mean backstory more in terms of how it's got so acrimonious so quick? If he attempted to compromise and she refused all suggestions then it would lead to the courts surmising she's intentionally using BF against him

mybunniesandme · 09/02/2023 10:25

@disappointedyet

Funnily enough my solicitor in my divorce was telling me he had had several clients - in the U.K. this is - be told by courts to express as well - I don't think it's as rare for such a judgment in our legal system as people think

massistar · 09/02/2023 10:25

Awful story. My DD refused a bottle point blank, had litres of milk in the freezer and she wouldn't touch it.

Elsiebear90 · 09/02/2023 10:34

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:22

@disappointedyet i don’t think 100% breastfeeding rather than 80% warrants no relationship with one parent though. The baby will benefit from a relationship with both parents, and continue to have breastmilk just given in a bottle some 20% of the time. I don’t think it’s the big deal that is being made out on here and ‘policing women’s bodies’ and all that nonsense.

I agree, I don’t think it’s reasonable to deny contact and the forming of a relationship with a parent so a baby can be 100% breast fed.

I think if the baby truly will not take a bottle them a compromise is contact for the father with the mother present or nearby to BF when needed, if she has refused this then I think the judgment is correct as she clearly is just trying to find ways to refuse contact.

MichelleScarn · 09/02/2023 10:34

So she's being court ordered to express to facilitate things for him as well?

And if she can't afford a pump or can't express enough?

Well j suppose its a perfect Handmaid's Tale scenario that she then has to spend all her time without the baby expressing milk to make sure everything is easy as possible for her ex. No time out to relax or anything for her benefit.

WeWereInParis · 09/02/2023 10:42

So she's being court ordered to express to facilitate things for him as well?

And if she can't afford a pump or can't express enough?

Well j suppose its a perfect Handmaid's Tale scenario that she then has to spend all her time without the baby expressing milk to make sure everything is easy as possible for her ex. No time out to relax or anything for her benefit.

I don't agree with the judgement but I don't think she's being forced to express, the father could use formula (that presumably/hopefully he would pay for). What's being forced is the baby being able to feed while not with the mother.

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:43

Elsiebear90 · 09/02/2023 10:34

I agree, I don’t think it’s reasonable to deny contact and the forming of a relationship with a parent so a baby can be 100% breast fed.

I think if the baby truly will not take a bottle them a compromise is contact for the father with the mother present or nearby to BF when needed, if she has refused this then I think the judgment is correct as she clearly is just trying to find ways to refuse contact.

Show quote history

Well yes but then this is mumsnet, men are only required to ‘create’ the baby then he signs the next 18 years away doing pretty much exactly what the mum wants or it’s ‘awful misogyny’. I guarantee if a woman came on here saying her ex wouldn’t take the baby when asked because it’s breastfed he’d be called deadbeat and ‘making up excuses not to do the overnights and just have a cuddle now and then’.

disappointedyet · 09/02/2023 11:10

Elsiebear90 · 09/02/2023 10:34

I agree, I don’t think it’s reasonable to deny contact and the forming of a relationship with a parent so a baby can be 100% breast fed.

I think if the baby truly will not take a bottle them a compromise is contact for the father with the mother present or nearby to BF when needed, if she has refused this then I think the judgment is correct as she clearly is just trying to find ways to refuse contact.

Show quote history

I think when dd dad saw she wouldn’t take a bottle he just knew it wasn’t fair on her for him to press on he said ‘if I take her she will be upset and confused it’s easier for everyone and better for her if we just wait ‘
he came to my house every weekend to see her 8 weeks-9 months old then he started taking her out himself as she could go a few hours . The court were very much on the dads side first and foremost it was ‘contact is essential unsupervised and breastfeeding is not a barrier’
If dd dad hadn’t been so reasonable then it could have been traumatic for dd

Viviennemary · 09/02/2023 11:17

I think it would be a compromise to say breast feeding can be used up to the age of one in custody arrangements. After that it isn't necessary. In fact its never necessary. I do support breastfeeding but i can see it may sometimes used as an excuse to deny access.

Redebs · 09/02/2023 11:20

Absolutely sickening.

Men.

Redebs · 09/02/2023 11:22

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:43

Well yes but then this is mumsnet, men are only required to ‘create’ the baby then he signs the next 18 years away doing pretty much exactly what the mum wants or it’s ‘awful misogyny’. I guarantee if a woman came on here saying her ex wouldn’t take the baby when asked because it’s breastfed he’d be called deadbeat and ‘making up excuses not to do the overnights and just have a cuddle now and then’.

Show quote history

But @Cuppasoupmonster , you're not really keen on mums breastfeeding anyway!

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 11:27

I can see both sides and I say that as someone who did breastfeed (but my ex was not interested in contact so wasn’t an issue) but it’s often suggested that mums bf to stop their exes getting overnight contact which I think is for the wrong reasons as well.

Hapoydayz · 09/02/2023 11:27

A decent father would not insist on overnights with a baby that young. It sounds like he is controlling and it’s about his rights. If he cared about the baby he would see it for short frequent periods. Maybe he is trying to punish the mum as it will be upsetting for her not to be with the baby. There is a difference between men and women and more so in the early years the man is not such a priority but they see their rights as more important than the babies.

ExistenceOptional · 09/02/2023 11:38

US courts have ordered this before.
www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/11/181012/nicole-curtis-custody-battle-exclusive-breastfeeding

They expect the mum either to pump so the father can have the baby exclusively or to formula feed. Some US judges see breastfeeding as a way for the mum to be awkward about allowing fathers shared custody.
No idea what you are supposed to do if the baby refuses to take a bottle.

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 11:42

Hapoydayz · 09/02/2023 11:27

A decent father would not insist on overnights with a baby that young. It sounds like he is controlling and it’s about his rights. If he cared about the baby he would see it for short frequent periods. Maybe he is trying to punish the mum as it will be upsetting for her not to be with the baby. There is a difference between men and women and more so in the early years the man is not such a priority but they see their rights as more important than the babies.

The courts would’ve considered this. Not every detail is included in such articles, in fact usually the finer points are withheld to make it as dramatic as possible.

Original poster

mumyes · 09/02/2023 11:42

Hapoydayz · 09/02/2023 11:27

A decent father would not insist on overnights with a baby that young. It sounds like he is controlling and it’s about his rights. If he cared about the baby he would see it for short frequent periods. Maybe he is trying to punish the mum as it will be upsetting for her not to be with the baby. There is a difference between men and women and more so in the early years the man is not such a priority but they see their rights as more important than the babies.

Exactly

OP posts:

howmanybicycles · 09/02/2023 11:43

Cuppasoupmonster · 09/02/2023 10:22

@disappointedyet i don’t think 100% breastfeeding rather than 80% warrants no relationship with one parent though. The baby will benefit from a relationship with both parents, and continue to have breastmilk just given in a bottle some 20% of the time. I don’t think it’s the big deal that is being made out on here and ‘policing women’s bodies’ and all that nonsense.

Did you miss that the mum can't express? So it won't be breastmilk while she's with dad.

LadyDanburysHat · 09/02/2023 11:46

I do not see this judgement as being the best for the baby. This is about the father getting what he wants, rather than a young baby getting what it needs.