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Original poster

If you inlaws live 5 hours away, how often do you see them?

85 replies

sanityplease · 07/02/2023 10:55

Name changing in case I want to show my husband this thread...

We have ongoing issues with MIL complaining that we don't see them enough. It puts a strain on our relationship as I am becoming increasingly sick of the complaints, and feel we do as much as we can, but my husband feels guilty (and takes it out on me!).

So, if your in-laws live 5 hours or more away, how regularly do you see them?

We have 3 young children, including a newborn - and I don't feel it's realistic for us to be travelling to them very often (we do about twice a year at the moment). They are more than welcome to visit us (and they do). But nothing is ever enough, and I know MIL calls my husband complaining about it, a lot.

OP posts:
ReamsOfCheese · 07/02/2023 10:56

Once or twice a year.

WeCome1 · 07/02/2023 10:57

Once a year. They are welcome here once or twice a year.

GetDownkeith · 07/02/2023 11:24

Once or twice a year. They are 5/6 hours away and we are busy as are they so we take what we can.

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Families
PinkPlantCase · 07/02/2023 11:27

Ours are 4 hours away and it’s generally every 2 months ish.

Always at Christmas and we tend to have a holiday away with them in the summer. Other times we go to then or they come to us. Either for a weekend if they come to help us with childcare if our usual arrangements can’t happen for whatever reason.

We do the driving at night so toddler DC sleeps in the car and sleeps when we get there.

Kennykenkencat · 07/02/2023 11:31

Dh used to visit his mother about once every 2 month when Dmil was in a nursing home

I refused to visit as it was my home town area and I would get depressed having to visit. The last time I went up was in 2000 and I did so under protest.

Wandered into a local pub with Dd and was screamed at by the manager to get out. What was I thinking about bringing a child into a public house.

Told I was a liar when I tried to explain that it was the norm where I live.

That just about put the tin hat on everything.

Have never been back North since.

TeenDivided · 07/02/2023 11:31

If I had 3 young children. then if PIL were fit and healthy I'd be encouraging them to come to visit (especially if they were recently retired and had time).

OverProtectiveMumOfPFB · 07/02/2023 11:33

When ours were 3 hours away, we would see MIL every week as she would come to look after the DC whilst I worked. We would see them as a family 2-3 times every 2 months (depending on birthdays, Easter/Xmas, holidays, random nice weather weekend)

bussteward · 07/02/2023 11:34

Haven’t seen my MIL for three years. If she wants to see us she’s far more capable of visiting us (one retired person with spare money travelling solo) than we are travelling to her (four people figuring out time off work, limited budget, travelling en masse with a preschooler and a newborn). I’m quite happy with this arrangement, though.

bigbluebus · 07/02/2023 11:35

4 1/2 hours away and we always visit for a week in the Summer holidays and 2 nights between Christmas and New Year. They used to live 1 1/2 hrs away but moved to be near to BIL as they were getting older and wanted to be near one of their offspring rather than a distance away from all 3. After they moved they never visited us here.

Weekendwarriorwoman · 07/02/2023 11:35

Had this with mine. We were going 6 or more times a year now we barely go once - mainly because of how they treated us when we did go. Always moaning we didn’t go enough etc. We fell out for a bit over it and now we don’t go more than once a year. We were also dragging 2 young tots up and down the country and could Ill afford to. It still wasn’t good enough.

incitethismeetingtorebellion · 07/02/2023 11:37

It's my parents that live 6 hours away not my ILs but we see them every month. One month we go to them for the weekend the next they come to us.

clareykb · 07/02/2023 11:39

6 hour drive we go down 2 or 3 times a year, she comes up twice, we sometimes meet in London (mid way ish) for a few days as there is other family there so maybe 5 or 6 times a year in total but only 2 or 3 where we are doing all the travel. Family of 4 2 primary age kids

OverProtectiveMumOfPFB · 07/02/2023 11:40

And it was never always us visiting them. Sometimes we did, sometimes they came to us, sometimes we all met at BIL's, sometimes they found a restaurant or somewhere with a playground/activity they thought the DC would like and we met there etc.

CatOnTheChair · 07/02/2023 11:41

We all go to them once a year.
DH takes the kids once a year.
They come up to us aprox once every 2 or 3 years.@

MilitantFawcett · 07/02/2023 11:46

My MIL is 5 hours away, we visit her maybe twice a year but no more than that. She is always welcome here but has rarely taken us up on it!

Newnamenewname109870 · 07/02/2023 11:49

Woah! Anything around 2.5 hours or more (ie you can’t do it in a day) is a couple of times a year if that. They should be visiting you!

FenghuangHoyan · 07/02/2023 11:51

I live about 5 miles away from my in-laws and I saw them a couple of times last year. My partner saw them more often, but I married my partner, but them.

If I was five hours away, it would be once a year maybe.

peachescariad · 07/02/2023 11:53

If I had such a moaning MIL I'd say never!

maddy68 · 07/02/2023 11:55

I live in a different country. We see them about every 6 weeks

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 07/02/2023 11:55

Maximum twice per year (historically was twice as visiting very elderly people, now it’s more like once every 2 years if we are in the area for some reason).

CoffeeTaster · 07/02/2023 11:56

Tbh with a newborn I wouldn't even be driving longer than 25 minutes

wellpaddedintherear · 07/02/2023 11:59

4 times a year
we don’t have kids with us though and if I could,I’d go once a week-I adore them

Cryingbutstilltrying · 07/02/2023 12:00

Twice a year, I guess. They could come here as we have a spare room but they are always too busy. Once the kids are school age you get tied to holidays as even a weekend is hard with that sort of travel involved, and I like to see new places not always my dull home town. It would also depend on how comfortable staying with them, at my parents my dc have to sleep on camping mats on the floor and they are less than impressed with it now.

tealandteal · 07/02/2023 12:01

Mine are 4 hours away and we see them every 2 months or so. Usually we roughly alternate going to them and then coming to us but since DS2 was born(7 months) they come to us. The first time we go there he will be about 9 months old.

My DH FaceTimes them regularly which really helps with them seeing the kids and the kids recognising them when they come down.

Sparkletastic · 07/02/2023 12:04

Twice a year max, once a year more usual. They sometimes come down south once a year. Although they bought a massive house thinking we'd all flock there frequently we just don't have that close a relationship. Single childless SIL sees them at least once a month as their location suits her for work. Neither DH nor I feel any guilt. They used to live 45 minutes away and we'd see them once a month. It was their choice to move.

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