Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you inlaws live 5 hours away, how often do you see them?

85 replies

sanityplease · 07/02/2023 10:55

Name changing in case I want to show my husband this thread...

We have ongoing issues with MIL complaining that we don't see them enough. It puts a strain on our relationship as I am becoming increasingly sick of the complaints, and feel we do as much as we can, but my husband feels guilty (and takes it out on me!).

So, if your in-laws live 5 hours or more away, how regularly do you see them?

We have 3 young children, including a newborn - and I don't feel it's realistic for us to be travelling to them very often (we do about twice a year at the moment). They are more than welcome to visit us (and they do). But nothing is ever enough, and I know MIL calls my husband complaining about it, a lot.

OP posts:
Whyisitsososohard · 07/02/2023 17:47

Probably once or twice a year. We don't have children though. But mil is single semi retired and works weekends then is off travelling lots too. So poss more when she is retired.

I think you sound busy so understand the frequency. Also they could visit if practical if they're that bothered.

Twospaniels · 07/02/2023 18:01

My in laws were 5.5 hrs away and we visited twice a year. they did not visit us. We used to go and stay in a holiday cottage near them for a week at either Feb or Oct half term, and then again maybe at Easter or early summer hols.

EL8888 · 07/02/2023 21:26

About once or twice a year to my parents. Pregnant right now so it’s going to be a lot less. We normally the lions share of the travel and logistically it will be tricky so we will be taking a big step back. Parents won’t see it that way but there you go

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Radiatorvalves · 07/02/2023 21:31

My dad lives on his own up north. My sibling and I (with kids) live quite close to each other in London. The last time we travelled to his for a visit en famille was about 2 years ago. I’ve been up a few times for health visits. It’s difficult as kids have so many commitments and the drive can take 5/6 hours. But he comes south and stays with us a lot. And we’ve taken him on holiday (a week every year or so).

nannyl · 07/02/2023 21:38

we are 4 - 5 hours drive away.

We drive down at least 4 time per year but sometime more like 6 - 8.

I have done the journey alone, with a one and a 2 year old.

My eldest first did the journey aged 5 weeks, and my youngest was about 7 weeks (my oldest 22 months) when she first went down.

We went at Xmas
Going this weekend
Going April (family wedding)
Going July / Aug (for about 3 weeks)
Going October
and will go again around Xmas / NY time.

Should their be any extra family emergancies or funerals etc we will go again too

RhinestoneCowgirl · 07/02/2023 21:46

We are about that far away from ILs, currently visit about twice a year. Our DC are teenage now but even when they were smaller it wasn't much more frequent. MiL never really wanted to make the journey to us even pre pandemic, and now she won't use public transport (the drive is too much for her now which is understandable)

Greensleevevssnotnose · 07/02/2023 21:49

I saw mine last Easter, I think it has been 3 times in a decade.

Wakemeup17 · 07/02/2023 21:54

I live a plane trip away (door to door is six hours) and I go on my own every three weeks. I take my daughter about 4-6 times a year (school holidays and we once went to a party just for the weekend). She's six though so not that small.

Whattheladybird · 07/02/2023 21:58

5 1/2 hours for us which, with three children, means 6 1/2 hours minimum unless we do an overnight run. Didn’t go at all for youngest’s first year and then it was covid.

Aim for once a year; sometimes manage it twice a year.

when children reach school age and I’ve got to make annual leave cover school holidays, I really resent the two days annual leave it takes just to do the travelling.

they (retired, good health, friends/family to stay with to break the journey) visit us 3-6 times a year, although that number has declined a lot since covid.

I lived a similar distance from my grandparents as a child. Visited 1-2 times a year, they visited annually if that.

Dacadactyl · 07/02/2023 21:59

My parents (not inlaws) live miles away and since the kids have been in school we go back on average once a year. They come to us maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

I used to take the kids back every 2 months or so before they were in school but I was a SAHM so was easy to do.

Your MIL is BU given that she knows you have a baby.

MadeInChorley · 07/02/2023 22:09

5-6 hours away. About twice a year.

We also have three DCs and in-laws have no space for us. Budget hotels are a pain with little ones and where the ILs live is not a popular Airbnb area, although we were lucky once with a nice place, albeit 15 min drive away from them. We have more than enough space for them to visit us and we repeat that they can come when they like, (genuinely welcome) but they never do. They are very set in their ways and hate leaving their home area. Mild health issues make them anxious too. MIL has come to stay once in 12 years. FIL, never. They are missing out on grandchildren. We can’t do any more often - my parents are divorced and also quite far away. We have to use holiday entitlement to visit any of them, so visiting the ILs more often is simple not possible.

ChatInMyFlat · 07/02/2023 22:15

I'm the MIL. I do 3.5 hours twice a month (which i do in a day). If they lived further away I'd just stay over night on a weekend once every 2 weeks. They do also come here, but have a new born so it's less often.

makingarunforit · 07/02/2023 22:19

Ooh! Prepare for it to get more interesting as they age if they're already complaining....

If they need help then it's not easy doing that from a distance. In fact, it's bloody hard when you're an hour away.

Nottogetapenny · 07/02/2023 22:19

My daughter, son in law and 3 children are 3 hrs drive away! We see each other twice a month. We travel to see them once a month staying Friday to Sunday. They travels to see us one a month. Staying Saturday to Sunday so every other weekend! Also we spend times together during school holidays.

Nixynic · 07/02/2023 22:26

My in-laws are 5ish hours drive away. We go stay with them once per year, usually in the summer - it’s just not practical/possible to do it more often due to young children, dog, school, busy jobs. In-laws are retired so easier for them to come to stay with us - probably 2 times per year. So we see them roughly every 4 months.

LER83 · 07/02/2023 22:36

About 2 or 3 times a year. It's always us going to see them. The thing that annoys me is that mil is always putting on Facebook how much she has missed out on with her grandchildren over the years etc, but never makes the effort to see us more, but manages to have 3+ holidays abroad every year!

Dolares · 07/02/2023 22:44

Its my mum that's 5 hours away. Twice a year used to be the norm but it will be more like once now as both DC are in school. DM used to come up on the train 2/3 times a year but has declared that the cost and hassle of the trains is not worth it.

U1sce · 07/02/2023 22:47

We try and get there once a year, but there have been many years we havent managed to. They come here every few months though. More than Id like tbh but not an awful lot I can do!

namechangeforthisbleep · 07/02/2023 22:52

Every 6 weeks

2023istheyearigetmyacttogether · 07/02/2023 23:37

PIL are 4 hours away; my parents 5 hours away.
We've always tried to see one set every month so that means we see them about every 8 weeks. When the DC were in early primary, these often coincided with school holidays & the grandparents providing some free childcare! It's changed a bit now DC are teens as they have many more commitments but the flip side is that both sets of grandparents are retired so can do mid week visits as well as weekend ones.

JockTamsonsBairns · 08/02/2023 00:18

When my DCs were little, we lived in the SE, about 45 minutes from MiL so saw her frequently but in short bursts.

In 2016, we moved North and, since then (Covid notwithstanding), it's a lot less often - but for 4 or 5 days at a time. MiL and I don't have anything at all in common, and our views on pretty much everything are poles apart. That said, however, I do try to keep things polite and cordial.
She'll come up to us two or three times a year which is manageable, and I make her welcome for the sake of DH and the DCs. I go down there once a year, just to show willing, but DH has been taking the DCs down there himself maybe twice a year.
That said, now that the DCs are teenagers, they are less enthusiastic about going. MiL switches the WiFi off as she's fraught that they'll be "glued to their phones". They wouldn't be, but they want to be in some contact with their friends. Also, at their age, they've got other stuff going on in their social lives, so it's not so easy to get them down there over half terms etc.

Bluelightbaby · 08/02/2023 03:16

Ours are 7hrs away. We try to see them every month or at least every other month, but we don’t have young children

Bluelightbaby · 08/02/2023 03:17

In comparison my family are an hour away and I rarely see them !

HairyKitty · 08/02/2023 05:26

Is anyone noticing that long distance isn’t validating the suggestion of infrequent visits? It seems totally variable and probably relates more to family relations than distance or inconvenience

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/02/2023 05:32

Twice a year. They have never visited us

Swipe left for the next trending thread