I finally have a second date this week, wahoo!

[Lookingforlov3]

As the title says, I have a second date planned later this week, and it’s the first second date I’ve been on in years!

Had a spell of first dates recently which never made it to a second date (even though I thought they went well).

So any tips on how to have a good second date most welcome! We kissed on the first date so am hoping there is chemistry there…

Do not text him to call him out!
Do not sleep with a guy that early. Yes sometimes it works out because they really like you anyway but there’s a much larger percentage that will take what’s on offer and forget you soon after.
Work on your self worth. As I said upthread, some guys will be put off by the fact you slept with him early on as unfair as that is. A male friend of mine openly says ‘those girls are for fun not a serious relationship’ and yes I pull him up on that but sadly it’s true.

Just stop. Do not text him again!

Okay I’ll just leave it. I guess whatever I say won’t change anything and I’ll be even more upset when he doesn’t reply (as I doubt he would). Arghhh 😢

Why would you message him again ? DON’T !!!! He doesn’t care what you think about him now. He’ll probably message you in about a month or whenever but ghost him, he’s a twat. NEXT ! Nicer fellas out there.

Exactly OP, it won't change a thing. And I agree with @Benjispruce4 and others have said about sleeping with someone so early. It rarely develops into more after that. My motto when I was OLD was if you like them don't sleep with them!

You're not listening to any of the advice on this thread.

So I'm gonna have to give it to you straight.

He may text you back in a day week or even a few months for a quick fuck.

Have some respect. Block him and move on. He doesn't give a shit about you or care if you think he's treated you bad.

He got what he wanted - a no strings attached shag.

Please my lovely, please just block him and don't give him anymore head space.

@FebName but I don’t think he was looking for that! He said he was not expecting to come home with me that night and actually was debating about whether it was a good idea as he was trying to think with this head rather than his sexual desires for the first time. He didn’t seem like the guy who wanted a casual shag.

Urgh anyway I’ve got to stop over analysing this as it’s driving me crazy. Don’t think I am in the right headspace to date to be honest right now.

OP, he most likely was using reverse psychology - pretending not wanting a shag but deep down wanted it.

You probably aren’t in the right headspace for dating.

This man has done nothing wrong I’m afraid. You made the judgement that he was a respectful bloke after two dates. He was a stranger, you didn’t know him at all and made a world of assumptions. You offered him sex, he went along with it.

There is nothing wrong with having sex if you have safeguards in place and genuinely have the horn for your date- but you need to go into these sexual encounters expecting nothing but an orgasm or ten. If you are going to feel like shit afterwards when they ghost, and most of them will, you are not in a position to be prepositioning men who you do not know.

I’m not trying to kick you whilst you are down, but you’ve had a a lot of posts stating he is a ‘bad guy’ and it’s good you know now. Truth is, he probably isn’t a bad guy- he’s a chancer who wasn’t massively into you, but took the cookie that was offered.

The majority of men are chancers. Our husbands, our fathers, our sons, our nice male best friends. We need to stop seeing this behaviour as evil or bad and it’s oh so unfortunate that we got caught out by them. It should be an expectation that they will act in their own interests and as women, we need to act in our own interests.

Firm boundaries and reflection are needed here. But sending lots of love and support because I have been there as a younger woman and it is shit.

There are some genuine blokes out there who want to get to know a woman first (before having sex / a quick thrill )

My father after my mum died (in his 40ies) was one such male.

A male divorced friend in his thirties said the same.
He was fed up with meaningless sex.
He decided he wasn't going to sleep with anyone else unless he cared for them.

Maybe they are the acceptance to the rule, but I think it's a very positive outlook.

Exception **

Oh my god are you even bothering to read the replies?

I’ll say what I said the other day!

He LIED , he used a line, he said whatever he needed to say to get you to fuck him.

by all means carry on him texting him but it’s pointless as I guarantee you will be blocked.

and if you don’t text him don’t think for one minute if he texts you again in a few weeks he’s after anything more than another shag.

forget it and move on although if I were you I’d get a sense of self worth and feeling secure being on your own cos I guarantee right now you are giving off “needy” vibes on your dates.

you don’t NEED a man. You need to figure this out before dating because you will NOT meet mr right until you figure this out. It’ll just be chancers looking for a shag or guys looking for a confident self assured woman who isn’t gonna peck their heads with neediness

Hello :)
I just read threads on occasion and do not post, but just been reading this.
I have just turned 31 so only a tiny bit older than you.

I've been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. Many times.

I had one very recently, we went on a weekend break together, and he upgraded the hotel. (I had the weekend break booked prior, he just decided to come with me)
He saw my oldest friend + her family.
Days after this, he told me he didn't want to be with me, giving the most stupid reasons. (Yes we slept together several times on our trip!)
He has since ghosted me and left me on read.
Online dating is brutal. I feel your pain, it's shite at times.

How could you possibly know that? Maybe there are incompatible in bed.

I don’t understand it either. A guy I spoke to on OLD lives in a different part of the UK from me. I mentioned I was going to visit somewhere near there . He said let’s meet up, as he goes there a lot.

I was like yeah sure - as in thinking of doing lunch and maybe sightseeing with him. Just to be sure I made it clear we would be in separate hotel rooms.

He then got really offended and said we were both adults and should be able to share a room? He basically tried to ridicule me and say I wasn’t “modern”.

I really don’t see what benefit it is for me as a woman to put myself in what could be a vulnerable situation where at best the man gets to skip over the dating/courting phase and straight to seeing you in bed.

I mean to be fair Some one night stands/first date hookups to turn to LTR and marriages but tbh the kind of guy who would push hard for sex on a first date isn’t one i’m likely to be interested in setting down with.

Too right @Reclaimtheoutdoors

How are you feeling now OP? I hope you did something nice for yourself yesterday!

Hey @Laneymoo. Sorry, I just saw your message now as haven’t been on this thread until today.

So I got a response back today from the guy (a week later). He said he was really sorry for not texting me back, he had a great time but there just wasn’t a “spark”. Fair enough but it certainly didn’t feel like that on the actual date (i.e. in the evening). You just start to wonder whether you are going on the same dates!

Now I don’t know whether to reply or not…

I have decided I am giving dating a break for a while so I can focus on myself and improve my self value etc.

Oh OP, don’t reply, just delete the messages & his number.

Onwards to better things!

You don’t reply to him. He’s been honest and told you the truth. Clearly you felt more on the date then him and that’s ok. Have a little gap and then move on to the next one.

Oh I've felt the same way many times OP! As others have said don't reply, delete his number and forget him. A little break from dating probably isn't any harm. And when you do get back on the horse, wait a while before bringing sex into the mix, it can male rejection sting that little bit more!

Agree OP don’t reply, you have nothing to gain from that. Let this go, and block and delete his number. Delete your messages with him too. Clear it all away and put him out of your mind.

What do you possibly hope to gain by texting him back?

He didn’t feel any spark…. Man speak for he had no intention of further dates, but as a red blooded male he’s going take a shag when it’s offered.

He’s actually done more than most guys would in that situation and given you the courtesy of telling you he’s not interested

Everyone has told you to leave it…

so why are you still deliberating over whether to text him again?!

Omg OP why are you deliberating texting him again? Just stop.
You have received good advice on this thread but have ignored it all by texting him twice and now you want to text again.
Clearly the second date didn’t go that well, what were you thinking inviting him back for sex and then he was reluctant?
Please work on your self-worth, don’t subject yourself to any of this. You need to take a much more light-hearted approach to dating and if you can’t do that, give it a break.

He felt the spark when he wanted to shag you ! Do NOT message him again. He’s a tosser. Plenty more fish and all that when you’re ready 😘