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Original poster

I finally have a second date this week, wahoo!

125 replies

Lookingforlov3 · 06/02/2023 22:04

As the title says, I have a second date planned later this week, and it’s the first second date I’ve been on in years!

Had a spell of first dates recently which never made it to a second date (even though I thought they went well).

So any tips on how to have a good second date most welcome! We kissed on the first date so am hoping there is chemistry there…

OP posts:
EBearhug · 09/02/2023 14:38

If we are going to emulate a male behaviour- it should be this. Multiple dating, not getting attached, building a connection when someone proves themselves to be worthy. Not getting emotionally bogged down with someone you have known for 7 hours and has been texting you whilst he’s been taking a shit or bored at work

But it gets difficult to manage. 4 is about my limit concurrently. 9 was too many...

I made a rule for myself - no dates come before prior activities (exercise, evening classes,) nor do they come ahead of existing friends (because people who drop everyone when they're in a relationship are annoying.)

If a man is worth your effort, he'll be prepared to fit in round other things.

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 09/02/2023 15:26

@Suprima really good post, thanks. I just need to slow the f down!!

still no response!! So I definitely have my answer….

OP posts:
Ruth990 · 09/02/2023 16:21

@Lookingforlov3 Don't let this one man get you down. There's SO many men out there, some dick heads, some not. If I was you I'd be on POF right now moving on to the next. I know times have moved on but men still work the same so let them chase you a bit. You're doing it to protect yourself and make sure that they like you.
I am a bit brutal dating so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice, but there's no way I'd even kiss on a first date, hell no. Let them work for it!! As in let them put the time and energy into winning you over. You have to have a prize mentality, you're the prize!! Take it from me, it's the way you don't end up feeling like shit.
In the mean time give yourself a confidence boost with some self care like a pamper or get your hair done and fuck him off 🙂

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Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 09/02/2023 18:17

thank you @Ruth990. I’ve still not heard from him, so I feel a ghost coming my way…

better I know now than 3 more dates in!

OP posts:
Curriedpeanuts · 09/02/2023 18:23

Tamarindtree · 09/02/2023 13:33

That’s a terrific post and one I am pleasantly surprised to see on Mumsnet.

Show quote history

Thank you! I did learn quite a few things before I finally realised that I was gay 😂

Molly9090 · 09/02/2023 18:32

@Curriedpeanuts Snap 😂

Benjispruce4 · 09/02/2023 18:47

You say you don’t think he expected to have sex that night. He might well have judged you as much as that’s a double standard . Some guys separate girls into ONSs and marriage material.

Pssspsss · 09/02/2023 22:57

Lookingforlov3 · 09/02/2023 18:17

thank you @Ruth990. I’ve still not heard from him, so I feel a ghost coming my way…

better I know now than 3 more dates in!

But you knew the morning after the night before. You didn’t need to text him again as (assuming UK time) pre 9am. I don’t mean to be harsh but all thats done is shown an uninterested man that you are desperate/needy and thinking of him as soon as you wake up. He used you for sex, he didn’t/doesn’t want anything else.

it sucks massively but I don’t know how many times it needs saying … forget about him.

i just feel reading your posts that you aren’t in a place where dating is the right thing for you at the minute. Relationships are hard fucking work and send your head into a spin.

Freshair87 · 09/02/2023 23:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Freshair87 · 09/02/2023 23:05

Sorry wrong thread!

aspoonfulofshoulda · 10/02/2023 09:51

Any reply OP?

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 10/02/2023 14:43

@aspoonfulofshoulda nope 😞

I have well and truly been ghosted! I am surprised as I really didn’t think he was the kind of guy to do that. He seemed respectful and was chatty and nice pretty much right up until we woke up in the morning.

maybe he’ll boomerang back, who knows…

OP posts:
Minikievs · 10/02/2023 15:06

I've been there OP and it's shit.

I'm sorry and I hope you have something nice planned for yourself this evening, whether that's a bottle of wine, a massive bar of chocolate or an early night to have a bit of a cry. Or all three.

His loss, keep your chin up

aspoonfulofshoulda · 10/02/2023 15:42

You're hugely better off without him. If he can do that, better you find out now than after months wasted! Onwards and upwards!

LightSpeeds · 10/02/2023 22:43

Lookingforlov3 · 10/02/2023 14:43

@aspoonfulofshoulda nope 😞

I have well and truly been ghosted! I am surprised as I really didn’t think he was the kind of guy to do that. He seemed respectful and was chatty and nice pretty much right up until we woke up in the morning.

maybe he’ll boomerang back, who knows…

If he boomerangs back, it will only be for sex...

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 10/02/2023 22:49

@Minikievs and @aspoonfulofshoulda thank you for your kind words! Feel really 💩 tonight, I know it’s not him I care about but gaaah what a brutal ghost 😒

OP posts:
DasAlteLeid · 10/02/2023 22:56

He sounds like a piece of shit anyway @Lookingforlov3 so just as well he’s crawled back under his rock. I kissed loads of frogs and then met my lovely DH aged 34. When it’s someone worth your time they won’t act like this and they’ll make you feel a million bucks, promise 😘

LadyJ2023 · 10/02/2023 22:56

Sorry but no way would anyone be back at mine 2nd date cmon not rocket science what he wanted. Find your worth before doing that.

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 11/02/2023 04:39

I think I am gonna call him out on his shitty behaviour. Why should he make me feel like shit and not be told. I’ll never see him again so feel like I don’t have anything to lose 🥺

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 11/02/2023 05:46

In the nicest possible way please step back from him. Block him if you need to.

When I first read your OP I thought you were too passive with men and that you should be more assertive. I have slightly swung the other way now! Not because you're wrong about his behaviour because you're absolutely not but because it won't get you anywhere. Sending another message off into the ether that won't elicit a response isn't going to make you feel better. You want to provoke a reply and if being nice hasn't worked then this isn't going to either. Put it behind you and move on.

It's a Saturday morning. Go and do something lovely for you and try not to dwell on it.

Robin233 · 11/02/2023 06:40

@Lookingforlov3

I think I am gonna call him out on his shitty behaviour. Why should he make me feel like shit and not be told. I’ll never see him again so feel like I don’t have anything to lose 🥺
..
Please DON'T
he's knows he's a toe rag.
He doesn't want to see you.
There's no polite way to tell you this.
So he could lie eg 'I'm just not ready for relationship at the moment'
Then you'd see him back on OLD
And all the wile missing out of me right.

Robin233 · 11/02/2023 06:41

Mr Right **

honestlyno · 11/02/2023 07:39

Lookingforlov3 · 11/02/2023 04:39

I think I am gonna call him out on his shitty behaviour. Why should he make me feel like shit and not be told. I’ll never see him again so feel like I don’t have anything to lose 🥺

Just walk away. You're going to make yourself look unhinged. 'Calling out' is just an excuse to make contact. You invited him back for sex! He doesn't owe you another date.

Let today be the day that you draw a line under it. Delete his number now and start swiping or do something fun today to take your mind off it.

Flowers
Lucylock · 11/02/2023 08:15

Just leave it OP. He really isn't worth the time and brain energy you're giving him.

Laneymoo · 11/02/2023 08:29

Have been in your situation a million times OP but DO NOT text him again. Texting him back the first time left you feeling crap and reaching out again will make you feel even worse cause he will never write back, he will most likely block you. As PP said, delete his number and get out and do something today. I don't think you even like this fella that much really so don't give him anymore head space!