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Original poster

I finally have a second date this week, wahoo!

125 replies

Lookingforlov3 · 06/02/2023 22:04

As the title says, I have a second date planned later this week, and it’s the first second date I’ve been on in years!

Had a spell of first dates recently which never made it to a second date (even though I thought they went well).

So any tips on how to have a good second date most welcome! We kissed on the first date so am hoping there is chemistry there…

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 08/02/2023 15:50

Thank you @Robin451! Yep I know it’s just a numbers game. I just, I don’t know, get myself into a bit of an over-analysing mess 😕

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 08/02/2023 16:00

Where are the feminists on this post? Why should women sit around and wait for the man to text?

You don't need to sound needy. A simple, that was fun, fancy a pizza next week.

He may well be waiting for you to text.

Pssspsss · 08/02/2023 16:21

Ahh some people are just utter binbags aren’t they??

In my (unfortunately extensive) experience @Lookingforlov3 I am thinking that this guy is just a player. I know that he was chatting about a third date but I think it’s just part of his chat to make you think it’s a sure thing and therefore it’s okay to drop your knickers guard.

This is of course all said with the benefit of hindsight because if I’d I realised that most of the men I fell into bed with utter binbags my experience would be nowhere near as extensive 😇

fwiw I found ALL the men online to be binbags. Not saying there aren’t any nice ones out there (I know people who have proved me wrong) but I think Id advise a lot more reserve with the online ones unless of course you know you are on date with someone who you are happy to bump uglies with but aren’t too fussed about it going further. Any guy who you are very interested in Id hang fire and see how invested he is over a period of time/ a fair few dates first.

good luck! Xx

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EBearhug · 08/02/2023 16:23

I can’t understand the rush to jump into bed with someone when you hardly know them and there is nothing to look forward to!

I can't understand why someone would want to invest several dates in someone only to find out they're crap in bed. But then the ones who've turned up to dates haven't been the ones who've gone cold on me. Or at least, I have enough other irons in the fire not to notice. (Wonder what did happen to M?)

WeCome1 · 08/02/2023 16:26

I’d maybe text something chatty and casual tomorrow and then at least you know he’s not thinking you’re not interested. And then try and not think about him.

Buymyselfflowers · 08/02/2023 16:33

Would he normally text you throughout the day?

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 08/02/2023 18:50

Okay so I messaged him saying I was struggling today as I was so tired. He replied a few hours later saying it was hard etc and thanks for having him stay. But no questions or anything…

I think I’ll just leave it now and see if he comes back with a date?

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 08/02/2023 18:53

good for you! Positive sign that he replied.

sendbackaletterfromamerica · 08/02/2023 18:54

At least he has replied and been polite. I think it's 50/50 how this could go but I definitely agree you should leave it to him now. Good luck.

purpleboy · 08/02/2023 18:56

If your interested just ask him out, keep it casual. Maybe he thought you made it awkward this morning?
Don't wonder what if, just do it and put yourself out of the misery one way or another.

Benjispruce4 · 08/02/2023 18:56

Why the rush to sleep with someone you hardly know. So dangerous for a start. Enjoy a good kiss but make him wait next time, at least a month. That’s if you want to see if he likes you seriously. If you want a ONS then crack on but be safe.

LividNC · 08/02/2023 19:08

No no no.

He isn’t interested. Really. He isn’t.

When men are interested you will know about it and it won’t be hard. He is letting you down gently by replying after several hours.

This can only go one of two ways:

  1. You remember your self respect and never text him again.
  2. You message him and he takes a week between replies and you drive yourself crazy waiting for them and no good at all can come of it
because if he was interested you would KNOW.
LaurenS65 · 08/02/2023 19:20

LividNC · 08/02/2023 19:08

No no no.

He isn’t interested. Really. He isn’t.

When men are interested you will know about it and it won’t be hard. He is letting you down gently by replying after several hours.

This can only go one of two ways:

  1. You remember your self respect and never text him again.
  2. You message him and he takes a week between replies and you drive yourself crazy waiting for them and no good at all can come of it
because if he was interested you would KNOW.

I agree with this

BeaLola · 08/02/2023 19:26

Just wanted to say well done OP - I'm married and have been for last 20+ years and so have not dated in years. Have listened to friends who are divorced or split from partners and it sounds like a bloody minefield.

Well done for getting out there. All the best - you deserve someone fab and hopefully they will be along - but respect as I'm not sure I could be so brave.

Cam22 · 08/02/2023 19:40

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 14:19

I can’t understand the rush to jump into bed with someone when you hardly know them and there is nothing to look forward to!

I am old fashioned I like the meeting ups that dating brings and getting to know each other and the flirting and the build up to spending a night together and it seems to keep many a man’s attention.

I keep reading on here that a date goes well and the man is keen and then they sleep together and the man turns cold.

Modern feminism has deemed it acceptable to decide early on that it’s ok to not wait but in the real world men that are looking for a long term partner are often turned off by this.

I am not a feminist so I guess my thinking is out of date.

Yep. Too much too soon.

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 08/02/2023 19:58

@LividNC so he’s just being polite then? He could have just not replied I guess?

he didn’t say he had a good time or suggest another date but I did literally only see him this morning…

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 08/02/2023 20:06

Stop trying to convince yourself he's interested OP, you know in your gut he's not. Don't let him keep you dangling. Just forget him and move on.

Like others here, I think it tends to be a good idea to date/wait a while before sex, it's like rushing straight to dessert when you're out for a meal!

Pseudonamed · 08/02/2023 20:13

I do not think he is interested. I slept with my now DP on the first night and he texted me as soon as he got home. He didnt want to play games, as he says if a man wants to be with you, you will know it not have to guess.

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 08/02/2023 20:14

@Wishimaywishimight I probably do yes, but he seemed very keen to see me again last night (and this was before we even talked about him coming back to mine). I am just over analysing everything.

OP posts:
Pssspsss · 08/02/2023 23:19

Honestly I think he seemed keen cos he was playing you. He was saying what he needed to say to get in your bed.

My DP came back to mine before we’d even had a date! We met in the pub one night and just chatted all night.

We didn’t have full sex but pretty much everything else. the next day he said he would text later that day and I thought after the all the waste of space ghosters I’d met “yeah right whatever!” He started texting pretty much straight away within a couple hours leaving, asked me out that night and the rest is history. We’ve been inseparable for 15 years.

like other people have said, he’d be texting properly if interested. Sorry xxx

Slimjimtobe · 08/02/2023 23:23

He isn’t that keen : chalk it up and move on

FiddleLeaf · 08/02/2023 23:57

Yes, not keen but that’s not your fault. It’s just not a match this time.

shivermetimbers77 · 09/02/2023 00:18

Sorry OP I’ve been there many times and it feels rubbish.. I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with sleeping with someone whenever you both want to, but in my experience if it happens in the first couple of dates it can create a disconnect between the level of emotional intimacy /knowledge of each other which is very partial, and the physical intimacy which suddenly becomes very full on..

So I’m sure he likes and is attracted to you OP, it just may be that he doesn’t want to make a decision right now about whether you’re in a relationship or not and so is pulling back.. OR an alternative possibility is that he’s an arsehole user who just wanted sex and if that’s the case, he’s not someone you need to waste your time on anyway: onwards and upwards!

Original poster
Lookingforlov3 · 09/02/2023 07:18

Thanks all again for your advice.

I don’t know what to do. Don’t know whether to reply but keep it casual but also drop in the idea of hanging out again if he wants to. Or whether to just leave it…

OP posts:
Pseudonamed · 09/02/2023 07:19

If he wanted to see you again you would not be confused about this. Men do not play as many mind games as we think. Take it from one who overthinks and overanalyzes everything, if he wanted to see you again it would be clear. I think move on and find someone better op.