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Original poster

To have a fifth baby at 38/39?

82 replies

Pineapplestropical · 06/02/2023 14:33

Context is 4 kids 11, 9, 7 and 3. As i had a large gap between 3 and 4 we wanted a sibling closer in age to number 4 so she wouldn't be growing up without the others. We got pregnant but sadly miscarried one year ago. Tried again for a bit and then stopped. . I completely went off having another when dd4 got closer to 3 (maybe baby hormones died down) but also older kids need me more mentally. But there's a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that i may regret not going for number 5? Finance and space is not an issue. Time for each child can be made. Hubby happy to go for number 5.But am i just past it all now and getting old now (hence the miscarriage maybe? Also had 2 chemicals before dd4). Please any advice from people who have 5 or wanted big families or even had another for a closer gap between siblings?

OP posts:
tryihd · 06/02/2023 14:39

If you can afford it and time is on your side then go for it. My only issue is giving each child your attention. I have 3 and would love more but don’t think I can spread myself any more.

Mylaferret · 06/02/2023 14:40

What's a fifth going to bring you that your existing ones don't? Feeling like you might regret not having another one isn't a good reason to have one, imo. Plus the planet is overpopulated.

If you really really wanted one, you wouldn't be asking.

RunningFromInsanity · 06/02/2023 14:40

I wouldn’t.

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TheaBrandt · 06/02/2023 14:41

Why though?

lornmower · 06/02/2023 14:41

Go for it if you want to - 5 is a good number!

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 06/02/2023 14:44

Number 1 will become responsible for the two older ones and that is not fair. Your younger one is no longer young enough to see a new baby as their playmate, it is more likely that your younger’s needs will be relegated while you support teenagers and are very busy with a new baby.

Now, if you have a nanny and your older are in boarding school go for it.

strawberry2017 · 06/02/2023 14:45

Think you need to be happy with the 4 blessings you have and enjoy them. No need for anymore.

Peachy2005 · 06/02/2023 14:46

Your older kids are getting to the age where they will need more attention, not less. You will struggle to give this to them starting over with a newborn. Having a late baby is often subconsciously about proving you’re still young and not past it.…you don’t need to prove that. Good luck deciding!

mumoffourminimes · 06/02/2023 14:47

I don't think the close age gap thing is a big deal really, are the first 3 boys?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/02/2023 14:48

Seems insane to me

SaltnPeppaPig · 06/02/2023 14:49

Won't there now be the same 'big' age gap between 4&5 that there is between 3&4?

maranella · 06/02/2023 14:50

But if you have another one now, the age gap between 4 and 5 will be the same as the age gap you don't like between 3 and 4!

I agree you should stop now. My DC are both in secondary and I'm surprised at how much they need to be ferried around still - haircuts, meeting friends, being picked up from the station in the dark, sports fixtures on Sat and Sun, etc. Four is plenty and I don't like odd numbers as seating usually comes in twos.

RosaDeInvierno · 06/02/2023 14:51

Christ no!
Context is 4 kids 11, 9, 7 and 3. As i had a large gap between 3 and 4 we wanted a sibling closer in age to number 4

If you manage to get pg, then the gap between 4 and 5 will be around / over the same as the gap between 3 and 4 which you say is too big?

Have a baby for you if you want one, dont have a baby for anyone else including you dc

Killingitinhollywood · 06/02/2023 14:51

Environmental reasons to not have 5 influence you maybe? The earth could really do without people having 5 kids tbh.

Hartlebury · 06/02/2023 14:51

Surely four is enough?

BacktoSlack · 06/02/2023 14:52

Nope, stop it.

glasshole · 06/02/2023 14:53

Keep the 4th as your baby and stop there. I say that as somebody that decided to keep the 4th as the final and it was the best thing I ever did. She's now 14 and I've finally got my life back. I can't even begin to describe how awesome it is and I didn't even know I was drowning under my 4 kids, I really didn't. I was even super broody for no 5! Looking back it was, it MUST have been hormone driven. Now it's like the scales have fallen from my eyes and I'm FREEEEEE!

Also it seems pretty awful to have a kid just to keep your youngest busy. What if they hate each other? My eldest two didn't get on at all and it just created stress.

BlueKaftan · 06/02/2023 14:55

Absolutely not. I would feel sorry for the older ones who will be expected to help, and if the new child has any disabilities then that’s it for the rest of your kids in terms of education and future lives.

Wildehorses · 06/02/2023 14:57

I may be misreading, but if you have four girls, is your DH keen for a fifth in case it's a boy? Please do not feel pressurised. If you already have both genders, that's a bonus not all of us have ( two sons and no girls for me) I was tempted to "try" for a daughter before accepting that was madness. Very glad now we stopped at two as both are grumpy teenagers. Either way, four healthy children is a blessing. Good luck with the decision.

MiniDinosaur · 06/02/2023 14:57

Killingitinhollywood · 06/02/2023 14:51

Environmental reasons to not have 5 influence you maybe? The earth could really do without people having 5 kids tbh.

This.
And if you want to discoint environmenta reasons, consider that your youngest will get less attention if you are concentrating on a baby for the next couple of years. They will be at school soon and don’t need a 3 or 4 years younger ‘playmate’ at home.

BentleyRhythmAce · 06/02/2023 14:57

Mylaferret · 06/02/2023 14:40

What's a fifth going to bring you that your existing ones don't? Feeling like you might regret not having another one isn't a good reason to have one, imo. Plus the planet is overpopulated.

If you really really wanted one, you wouldn't be asking.

All this.

TheDuchessOfMN · 06/02/2023 14:58

I can’t understand why anyone would want the work that comes with having 5 children… mentally, physically, logistically.

Go for it if it’s what you want though. 38/39 isn’t too old.

safetyfreak · 06/02/2023 14:58

There is only 4 years between your 3 year old and 7 year old so I dont get your point. I think you are someone who will never be able to stop, next your be thinking about number 6.

Maybe think about devoting more attention to the four children you already have.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/02/2023 14:59

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 06/02/2023 14:44

Number 1 will become responsible for the two older ones and that is not fair. Your younger one is no longer young enough to see a new baby as their playmate, it is more likely that your younger’s needs will be relegated while you support teenagers and are very busy with a new baby.

Now, if you have a nanny and your older are in boarding school go for it.

I mean that's a lot of... PROJECTION??

The 12 yo will take over care of the 10 and 8 year old, and the 4 yo is too old for a new sibling? Then they will be neglected whilst op focuses on teenagers and a "new" baby who won't be new by the time she has teenagers??

OP all I'd say is how do yo u feel about twins? As you get older the risks increase 😂

I had my twosj just before my 38th birthday, pregnancy was actually easy and straightforward. My sisters just had her 4th at 44, her wasn't but neither was her first at 19.

louise5754 · 06/02/2023 15:00

Any reason you had a gap between the 3rd and 4th? Were you trying?

I really regret only having two I think about it most days.

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