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Original poster

To have a fifth baby at 38/39?

82 replies

Pineapplestropical · 06/02/2023 14:33

Context is 4 kids 11, 9, 7 and 3. As i had a large gap between 3 and 4 we wanted a sibling closer in age to number 4 so she wouldn't be growing up without the others. We got pregnant but sadly miscarried one year ago. Tried again for a bit and then stopped. . I completely went off having another when dd4 got closer to 3 (maybe baby hormones died down) but also older kids need me more mentally. But there's a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that i may regret not going for number 5? Finance and space is not an issue. Time for each child can be made. Hubby happy to go for number 5.But am i just past it all now and getting old now (hence the miscarriage maybe? Also had 2 chemicals before dd4). Please any advice from people who have 5 or wanted big families or even had another for a closer gap between siblings?

OP posts:
Redburnett · 06/02/2023 15:58

IMO you would be unreasonable to have a fifth child - but only you can decide what is right for your family - not a load of internet randoms!

CallieQ · 06/02/2023 16:04

I wouldn't.. already too many people on the planet

AaaaaandBreathe · 06/02/2023 16:09

I think that you're going to have mixed opinions because everyone is different with different experiences.

I love having a large family. My children are all genuinely happy and they also love having siblings (as we don't have any extended family).

Having the space and money is a good start of course. I actually don't but we've still managed. Only think is I have put a lot of effort in to ensuring I understand my DC's different personalities. Especially when younger I had one to one time with each of them even if I could only manage 1 hour a week. We talk a lot, they really understand that I am stretched with time and appreciate we are lucky having a big and loving family.

I know this sounds like I'm romanticising it and obviously there are upsets/issues/teenage or young child tantrums but never to do with having too many children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
beansmeanz · 06/02/2023 16:12

Just think your taking up 5 places at the the local school. That alone is a lot on a community

elloelloellooooo · 06/02/2023 16:16

Ff

boysmum23 · 06/02/2023 16:18

wow i cant believe all the negativity, its crazy! im 34 and me and my DH are trying for our last baby, our reason is because we want too and we can afford too etc. my eldest is 14, will he have responsibilities for the younger ones, absolutely not. even if i wanted him too he wouldnt lol but no, i will be doing all the caregiving etc. for all my children and theyll grow out their younger years as they should do.

Go for it, good luck!

Doowop1919 · 06/02/2023 16:23

I wouldn't. They will have nearly a 4 year age gap so they won't be close in age at all

ebonylion · 06/02/2023 16:24

I would have another baby yes

I've got three and I would have 6 children if I could

beansmeanz · 06/02/2023 16:25

boysmum23 · 06/02/2023 16:18

wow i cant believe all the negativity, its crazy! im 34 and me and my DH are trying for our last baby, our reason is because we want too and we can afford too etc. my eldest is 14, will he have responsibilities for the younger ones, absolutely not. even if i wanted him too he wouldnt lol but no, i will be doing all the caregiving etc. for all my children and theyll grow out their younger years as they should do.

Go for it, good luck!

So do you think everyone can have as many kids as they like and it will not impact local resources food supplies?

PureGrit · 06/02/2023 16:28

As the youngest of five, I echo what @TomatoSandwiches says. Coming from a big family isn’t necessarily as much fun for the kids as some people think it is.

There’s only so much time & attention people can give their kids and when there’s five of them, that gets spread very thinly.

ShandaLear · 06/02/2023 16:30

What do you think you are missing in your life that would be remedied by having a fifth child?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 06/02/2023 16:35

I don't think people are being negative just realistic, the earth really cannot cope with the population it has now let alone adding more to it.
And yes that "let's have one more baby" really does add up.

Lentilweaver · 06/02/2023 16:46

I am always on all these threads suggesting people have smaller families but then I get called a mean girl/ negative/ bleak, so for this thread I am going to say: you do you. Big families are fabulous!

MoggyMittens23 · 06/02/2023 16:51

boysmum23 · 06/02/2023 16:18

wow i cant believe all the negativity, its crazy! im 34 and me and my DH are trying for our last baby, our reason is because we want too and we can afford too etc. my eldest is 14, will he have responsibilities for the younger ones, absolutely not. even if i wanted him too he wouldnt lol but no, i will be doing all the caregiving etc. for all my children and theyll grow out their younger years as they should do.

Go for it, good luck!

have you seen the state of the world?

Galadriel90 · 06/02/2023 17:00

What on earth will another child give you that you don't get from the existing 4? How do you know that 5 will be the magic number that stops you feeling broody?

mrscumberbatch11 · 06/02/2023 18:52

No, 4 is plenty.

Your youngest child has THREE siblings. And those are not big age gaps. That is absolutely no reason to have another child.

Purplebeige · 06/02/2023 18:55

Go for it if you want to !

i have 6 and ttc #7 currently. I’m 40

2crossedout1 · 06/02/2023 18:56

I wouldn't personally.

DorritLittle · 06/02/2023 18:59

SallyWD · 06/02/2023 15:06

I have 2. I can't really understand why anyone has more than 3! Each to their own. Aren't you satisfied with 4? I feel like the world has too many people already.

This - and I have always been a broody type. Enjoy your four. Projection here, but your littlest is going to need lots of your spare attention with all those older ones around.

SaltanVinegar · 06/02/2023 19:13

I’m the eldest of 5, though it was 4 of us who grew up together, youngest sib is much younger than me. I remember growing up wishing I was like my friends who almost all had one sibling. My parents may have thought they had time for us all, and we were lucky to have enough money to go round, but having that many in a household led to so many arguments, especially in the teen years, and I’m not close with 2 of them at all now.

My mum is a good mum, she loved being pregnant and says that herself. But also admits that looking back she wouldn’t advise anyone to have that many kids.

Original poster
Pineapplestropical · 06/02/2023 19:15

Wow thanks for all the replies. Consensus is no then! Having a 5th was more for the little one to have a sibling to go through primary with and play together. She would be close to 4 yes by the time the baby came if i got pregnant and i think it's not unreasonable for siblings to have a 4 year gap and still play together. Gap between 3 and 4 is actually more like 6 years as dd3 turns 9 in July and dd4 has just turned 3. The older kids will absolutely not need to look after the younger ones. They are all girls but im not considering this for a boy. Dh might be but says he would be happy with another girl. What's it adding to my life? Another beautiful person to love and cherish. But thank u for perspective : the 4 beautiful people i have already are a lot too.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 06/02/2023 19:18

Mylaferret · 06/02/2023 14:40

What's a fifth going to bring you that your existing ones don't? Feeling like you might regret not having another one isn't a good reason to have one, imo. Plus the planet is overpopulated.

If you really really wanted one, you wouldn't be asking.

This. I know some people think they can make time for large numbers of kids but I’m not sure the kids always agree when they grow up - especially when parents are trying to juggle teens and toddlers at the same time. And what would you get out of 5 you don’t have with 4?

I think lots of people feel sadness when having children comes to an end, but it has to at some point. Maybe a puppy??

tillytoodles1 · 06/02/2023 19:24

I was the second oldest of five and got stuck with minding the youngest one all the time. Although I love her dearly. I really hated having to look after her as I am 15 yrs older . I've got two close in age, then my husband had the snip.

Maryquitecontrary55 · 06/02/2023 19:27

How are you going to afford five children comfortably in this economy unless you're pulling in well over 100 grand a year? Surely that's going to be prohibitive.

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 06/02/2023 19:32

SaltnPeppaPig · 06/02/2023 14:49

Won't there now be the same 'big' age gap between 4&5 that there is between 3&4?

Yes. And also, when you think of it, when she’s 18, her next sibling will only be 22, no difference at all.

I really wouldn’t. Be done, be happy.