Things that make you RAGE about your parents?

[Derby2022]

Okay, bit of a light-hearted topic whilst dinner is cooking

What things make you RAGE when talking to your parents?

This has all stemmed from a bit of a snappy row Ive just had with my mother this afternoon for context:

My mother has this thing where if, in the first 10 seconds, she isn't interested in a topic or what I or my sibling has to say she'll sigh and go "yeah yeah get to the point" - I've always found it quite rude, YES I know there are some people who do waffle (looking at the woman at the end of every staff meeting with the questions...) But I just find it so rude to say that, especially when the "point" is what you/I am currently explaining! It comes across to me that the person has zero interest in the conversation and just wants you to shut up.

Does anyone else think this is so rude?

ANYWAY, was talking to my sister about Mum and she mentioned she finds it really rude/irritating when Mum makes comments about the neighbour's garden...it's nothing to do with her and my sibling is getting sick of hearing about next doors bloody rotten fence!

So MN's tell me things that make you RAGE about your parents - to give me a chuckle!

I was raised by my grandparents so I’ll make this about my Nan.
From a young age she constantly criticised my weight, called me fat, took me to WW at 15 and I now struggle with food and body image issues.
She would invalidate my feelings, if I ever tried to tell her she’d made me feel sad/upset/angry she would say the same thing every time “don’t be ridiculous, it’s in your head, your as bad as your mother” My mum has a lot of MH issues but living with my Nan I can see why!
I am very low contact with her now but unfortunately my family all see it as a me issue and just say I’m like my mum, who has no contact with them or me

@Ostagazuzulum - My Dad is the same about money. Last year I confided in him that I was really worried about the rising cost of living. His response was, well he didn’t have a mortgage anymore (erm helpful). When I told him that was a bit of an insensitive response, he told me he thought I’d be happy for him, and he couldn’t help me with money - I didn’t ask?! It was one in a long line of things and he is now baffled why I haven’t visited in nearly a year, I am just done with it.

For my mum it was the lockdown and her insistence that 'it was just like when she retired' so why was I so fraught about it. Yes, she went from working PT in a small family business to retired at 60, natural progression, long-expected and planned for, lots more time for hobbies and family. Lockdown for me meant leaving a workplace of 1200+ to nothing, 2 kids and me at home, unable to go out and enjoy the time off.

Also technology. Refuses to engage with anything vaguely technological, will not use the mobile we bought, set up and pay for. Moans when she hears after the event about something that we've spoken about on WhatsApp. Refuses to call me on my mobile. At all. Then turns up at my house worried about me when I've gone out because she can't get hold of me.

It's awful isn't it. I wouldn't ask my parents for money as I have too much pride and I know they would be belittling and make a big show of how 'useless' with money I must be to need to borrow it. They seem to take absolute pleasure in telling me how much they spend on stuff almost bragging. It's painful to listen to.

On the other hand...my daughter talks & talks, everything has to be explained in minutiae, & One is not allowed to interpose with a poignant remark or question until the story is over. or she strops about losing the thread.
However, not being allowed to ask means that relevant details (to me) are missing.
Her monologues are so long i lose the will to live listen, & just hope it ends soon, when, maybe, I can remember the pertinent questions I wanted answered.
She has self diagnosed as having adhd.

I've just read the full thread and lack of empathy and the Daily Mail feature pretty heavily.

I'd associate ADHD more with wanting to interrupt.

Same! Me: yes the cost of living is awful, the only thing we have left to cut is DCs 1 activity and I don’t really want to do that as they love it so much.
Him: we just bought a £50k boat! (True story).

They’ve used it once in about a year.

We didn’t grow up comfortable, this has happened to them later in life and I don’t feel entitled to their money, I just wish they’d get some bloody introspection. Although I couldn’t watch my child struggle personally but that’s on them. We are much more sensible with money than them, they just have a lot more of it, but we’d get the lecture about how they were able to support a family on 1 person’s salary because of sacrifices (not because housing and everything else was much cheaper).

Mine are both gone now and of course they irritated me at times, but nothing like some of the scenarios here.

Mind you, they weren't Daily Mail heads, had no interest in the Royal Family and would not have been Brexiteers. Same as me really, and I am old enough to be a parent to many of you. Not all older people are the same, thankfully.

@IClaudine - I think that makes a big difference. There is a well publicised clash between the stereotypical values of my generation (Millennial) and my parents (Baby boomer/older Gen X) and whilst not all people will fall into those stereotypes, I think in broad strokes it can explain some of the issues here.

I can do some light hearted ones about my lovely MIL, such as if you casually mention you are looking to buy something or are vaguely interested in something you will be bombarded with emails for a day or so of all the many different options you could buy or places related to that interest you could go. Like your own, not requested, personal google assistant.

She is also very opinionated about home decor but doesn’t care if you don’t follow along but will tell you she told you so several times if you do follow her advice and love it.

God I will be bereft when it’s her time to go.

Mine probably won't give you chuckle, but my mum gives me rage when she's so scared for us/doesn't believe in us etc. I spoke to her yesterday, my husband was telling her about his postgraduate studies and my mum said "Oooh I thought you are going to drop the studies since gossipgirl is pregnant?". Sure, why bother trying get new qualifications and better salary with baby on the way. Who needs money when you have children. Better to be scared of your own shadow and never try. This is what annoys me the most about her that she projects her insecurities on us.

Oh also, my mum forgets less important things to her that are important as hell. When I ask her how is family, she will tell me ALL the gossips and boring stuff (like: we went to grandma's birthday, there was cake, coffee, tea blah blah blah), but won't even say a word that my aunt's pancreatic cancer is very serious and she doesn't have much life left. Argh.

Both my parents voted for brexit knowing one of their children was in the he process of looking for work in an eu country and another was applying to uni on the Erasmus programme. They had no concept of the impact on their grandchildrens futures I'm still angry with them

Lighthearted one - the importance of using the correct tea towel. Apparently if you use the wrong one (even though there's no difference to the untrained eye) then the world as we know it will end. Or something. I've never quite understood what's so dangerous about The Wrong Tea Towel, but it's of vital importance in my DM's world.

And anxiety in Mums.

I suspect I am of an age with many of your dms. I am appalled to think I might behave in the way you have described. I read MN among other things to keep up with issues. I believe I am interested in other people as much as ever I was, I volunteer with a family centre and a food bank, and care for my two grandchildren (who live with me) every day. I genuinely wonder how/why people my age become so self centred? What happened to my smart, funny colleagues and university classmates? Do any of you have any insight? Will it happen to me too?

@MobyJeff I suspect with many it's their world became a lot smaller. Many give up work early and then realise all those things they planned to do- they no longer have the energy , money or a partner who wants to do these things too. I think many women get worn out and the blokes in their lives become dull and pedantic and routine based. Illness too can change people and make them far less tolerant and again make their world smaller.

My theory is if you keep your mind open and understand that everything changes all the time and that if you adapt and flex to this, you won't end up like some of the parents described here,

Some people seem to get very bitter and closed minded as they get older. Not sure why that is, but maybe it is to do with fear? Getting older is scary if you dwell on it and realise you may only have a decade or two left and probably less than that in good health.

I live abroad where English isn't the first language (although widely spoken).

When my parents come to visit it's as if they were born yesterday. They cannot make a decision. They refuse to drive over here. It's as if they are completely overwhelmed by everything and as if they have landed on a completely different plant where all social norms have never been written.

They often stay with us - they never go out alone (it's not a dangerous place). They won't take public transport lone (or drive, obv). Every time I ask them what they want to do/eat/go the response is: you decide. We're here to see you.

And what gets me the most is that they've travelled!!!! Widely!!!!!

My dad is clearly going deaf - watches TV with the subtitles on, has the radio so loud it would make your ears bleed, and you can have a conversation with him in the room which he will later deny happened although the later might just be due to male genes - but he refuses to acknowledge this or get his hearing tested. He also has a mobility issues but won't get a Blue Badge which would help in a number of situations.

I took my mum shopping today and was reminded of another thing that bugs me..... in one breath she says she's not done anything/not got anything planned/not been anywhere/doesn't see anyone etc yet when the shop are trying to arrange delivery of something she's:

" ...oh, it can't be Monday as I've got WI, then on Tuesday I'm going to (local city). Wednesday should be alright..... oh no hold on a minute I'm meeting Doreen for lunch and we're going to that farm shop after. Thursday is definitely not suitable as I'm on a bus trip and won't be back 'til 7pm. Fridays is always the X coffee morning and then I've got club in the afternoon....."

My mum is very judgemental of our parenting style, the state of our house etc even though we work full time, when she didn't even work part time in the same period of her life.

They fly so much, it's like they're deliberately trying to have the hugest carbon footprint ever by the time they die.

I'm well educated and have a professional career. But if I ever have an opinion that differs from my Mother's she patronises me and assumes I've been brainwashed by someone else. She despises my genuinely lovely DH who does far more for her than her own sons. She doesn't even try to hide it even knowing how much it upsets me. She bitches about all her friends all of the time. It honestly confuses her that I really like my friends and enjoy their company.

I won't miss her when she goes.

Mine’s the same. She can’t stand MM but goes out of her way to read as much as she can about her and then rants about her! I’m like - if you don’t like her then just ignore and don’t look her up! <shrug>