Things that make you RAGE about your parents?

[Derby2022]

Okay, bit of a light-hearted topic whilst dinner is cooking

What things make you RAGE when talking to your parents?

This has all stemmed from a bit of a snappy row Ive just had with my mother this afternoon for context:

My mother has this thing where if, in the first 10 seconds, she isn't interested in a topic or what I or my sibling has to say she'll sigh and go "yeah yeah get to the point" - I've always found it quite rude, YES I know there are some people who do waffle (looking at the woman at the end of every staff meeting with the questions...) But I just find it so rude to say that, especially when the "point" is what you/I am currently explaining! It comes across to me that the person has zero interest in the conversation and just wants you to shut up.

Does anyone else think this is so rude?

ANYWAY, was talking to my sister about Mum and she mentioned she finds it really rude/irritating when Mum makes comments about the neighbour's garden...it's nothing to do with her and my sibling is getting sick of hearing about next doors bloody rotten fence!

So MN's tell me things that make you RAGE about your parents - to give me a chuckle!

When my mum tells you something she has to tell you the full story of everything, what each person said including pleasantries, where she was in the way to, why she left at that time, why she decided to go there and that’s why she bumped into the person at that specific time. Whereas if I tell her something, no matter how concisely, she immediately starts talking over me. I do wonder if one day when she’s not here I will look back and see this as endearing but I find it very tedious.

ANYWAY, was talking to my sister about Mum and she mentioned she finds it really rude/irritating when Mum makes comments about the neighbour's garden...it's nothing to do with her and my sibling is getting sick of hearing about next doors bloody rotten fence!

Isn’t this your sister and your opportunity to say “yeah, yeah, get to the point”?

My mum 'diagnoses' everybody with things.
She did 8 months of nursing school in the late 80s and has been an expert diagnostician ever since.

Over the years she has informed me that I definitely have an overactive thyroid, low blood sugar, dyslexia, reynauds, marfan syndrome, anorexia, depression, OCD, Covid (x8), orthorexia, scurvy, high blood pressure, type 1 diabetes, meningitus, scolosis and HIV.

I have never had any of these conditions. I am generally a very healthy person and always have been- I cant remember ever complaining about feeling unwell to her. Also I am not very tall, or underweight and I have no problems with eating.
She just tells me in a very concerned voice that she thinks I should see a doctor very soon as my spinal curves or whatever are getting really pronounced.
My spine is fine- she is nuts.

She 'diagnosed' my 1st boyfriend with Foetal alcohol syndrome the first time she met him. And decided my childhood best friend was bipolar- and later informed her that she was pregnant- she wasn't.

She is honestly lovely apart from this but it drives me insane. Especially when its strangers, like "oh did you hear Maud is looking for a dog walker, oh you know Maud, the lady with gout".

Oh also they read the daily mail.

The irrational obsession with supermarket chilled quiche

Oh hun I know it's actually quite sad. Luckily me and my sister are quite close and feel similarly. Although I was probably on the harsher end of things and I'm slightly older so I feel like I'm more clear in their bs.

Also re education. I got sent to the local failing comp. I was bullied and did ok but nothing like as good as I should have done as I went on to get a 1st for undergrad and distinction for MA. But I was close by and my primary feeder school so little effort for them. It absolutely baffles me as to why they possibly thought I should go there.

When I was little my mum worked in an old people's home and we would go every Friday to have tea with the residents. Without fail two of the old ladies would wrangle all mealtime over bus routes and it became a family joke. Just the mention of the 218 made us all snigger.

30 years on whenever I phone my parents they spend half the call interrupting each others stories to argue over which bus they were on!

@Whyisitsososohard

A very similar story re schools but made worse by some specific choices

My mother died when I was almost 11-years-old so I don't have any infuriating examples about her to add.

I was lucky to have my father living until I turned 41, although we had a pretty good relationship, he had his moments.

My father was an immigrant to the USA from Mexico. He trusted all people who were Mexicans like him. It's not a bad thing unless those people could sense his vulnerability and would cheat him in some way. My sister and I grew up being very cynical of his "friends" in a business capacity because someone, not all, would abuse him financially. His "accountant" wasn't actually an "accountant" but a guy who helped people do taxes seasonally and had no idea how to do my Dad's taxes for his small business and our Dad would be overcharged, every single year. Every single year, we would tell him this but his "friend" convinced him that we were wrong and were out to cheat our father of money. The irony is that my sister is a tax accountant! My father never let us help him.

The biggest issue I had with my father was that my sister is eight-years older than me and grew up in a primarily Spanish-speaking household. Our paternal grandmother lived with us until her death when I was six and didn't speak English and I stopped speaking Spanish when I was 11-years-old when our mother died. When this happened, my father realized he had to learn English and insisted that he speak Spanish to me but to answer him in English to learn. Because of this, my speaking ability is not very strong. Over the years, I had always wanted to have conversations with him but his English skills and my Spanish skills didn't match. He spoke basic English and my Spanish was equally simple. I did my best to chat with him but realistically, it was quite superficial. The thing I hated was that he told people he knew that my sister was so intelligent but that I was quite simple and dim. I found that hurtful and unfair. An FYI, it's very late now, 12 years after his death, however, I am now a fluent Spanish-speaker. I regret that I didn't do it earlier.

@ShillyShallySherbet

If I hear the same stories / facts / tales
one more time I will cry . Every time I see my mum she will tell me the same things .

My mum never wants to talk about me - my pregnancy/ wedding / new job. But will immediately talk about her friends daughter / her work colleagues husband / the man down the roads cousin !!!

I have realized I don’t actually ever talk about the future with my mum . Just about her last and other people !

Not a hilarious one but very pregnant and DM and gdm deciding to discuss a family stillbirth from 20 years ago with me. Really not what I wanted to talk about at all as I'm already worried due to multiple complications I have currently. Also when I tried to change subject they kept going on about it.

My Dad will ask how I am, what have I been up to?

I am not a waffler and get straight to the point and he will just cut me off mid sentence and start talking about his tomato plants or what was on special offer in Lidl this week

My mum critiques my parenting when hers was questionable to say the least. Basically she's a complete hypocrite.

I've no idea where to start, really.

My dad is never, ever wrong. If you are an expert in something, he always knows better. I have a PhD and a book out on a certain subject; he still believes I don't know what I'm talking about. He dropped the relevant subjects at O-Level. He's colour-blind and will still argue the toss about what colour something is. It's also impossible to change his mind, or get him to admit fault. When I was 15, I came out to my parents, and he told me I was confused and not gay. I ended up repressing myself and got married, but the marriage broke down. He convinced himself I was mentally ill, and told me divorce would be terrible. That was nearly a decade ago, and he's still quite certain he was right - the fact I'm in a long-term lesbian relationship is no proof at all that he maybe got things wrong.

My mum is incredibly self-sabotaging. She's an intelligent woman with good qualifications, but she insists on taking on quite basic jobs/roles and being angry no one recognises her as a genius. So she'll volunteer at a charity and then expect to be making all the decisions. At the moment she volunteers at her local school to listen to kids reading, and she's absolutely furious that the head teacher hasn't taken on board her advice about pedagogy. I find it really frustrating. For ages I tried to encourage her to apply for jobs that would let her do a bit more, but she doesn't really want to - instead of applying, she'll write to the person offering the job and explain she wants to be a co-employer, or something like that. She honestly expects, each time, that someone will suddenly notice she's amazing and throw aside protocol to welcome her in, and she's spent her life being disappointed that they don't. I genuinely feel sorry for her, but it is hard to watch.

Oh I should also mention, my mum is horribly critical of everybody - whether they're too slim, too fat, their hair colour/style, clothing, job, whether they're divorced, how many kids they have, how often they go on holiday - basically anything. It's horrible.

@MontyK My DM is like that! She can't talk or mention anyone without mentioning a negative about them in same sentence. "Oh Brenda's daughter has finished her masters now. Got a fantastic job. She's sterile though, can't have kids". There's just no bloody need for it. It's like no one can be better than her.

The hoarding...at one point couldn't even see the kitchen table, no where to sit down when visiting...just awful...you moved something and then a whole load would avalanche off a surface, no admission it was a problem. Mice living in the dining room which was stacked up with boxes full of old magazines and papers, but of course that wasn't to blame. When dad had a heart attack, there wasnt even space to lay him on floor for ambulance people to do cpr etc...still no admission of hoarding !

Oh god, mine too. It’s never ending. I spent my teens and early twenties with a succession of different hairstyles and colours -shaved, spiked, pink, blue, etc and she didn’t say a word, but is now obsessed with the perfectly normal hairstyles of my kids being in need of a cut!

It's just the mind numbing trivia of going to the butcher's, having a delivery from the fishmonger, and the milkman not delivering. Alongside a fuck ton of snobbery and stupid rigid made up rules about how to do everything.

Telling everyone everything about my life.

I don’t tell my mum much anymore because I know it will be topic of conversation with every person she vaguely knows and stops to talk to in town.

We live in a small town, and the number of times somebody has come up to me and asked me about something when my mum was the only person I’d told 🤦🏻‍♀️

My mum quite regularly starts a conversation with 'I wasn't going to tell you this but...'. It really annoys me, either tell me or don't but don't tell me that you weren't going to tell me something!

My dad is a world champion mansplainer. He's never wrong, ever! Drives me bonkers!

He voted for Brexit despite having a child living in a European country, long-standing ties with a European country (lived and worked there)...We can never ever agree on anything to do with politics, I don't even bother to argue with him about it anymore. It has done irretrievable damage to our relationship.

Not mine, but my MIL absolutely loves to pester you for ideas for gifts when it comes to Xmas/birthdays etc, and then pay absolutely no attention to any of your suggestions and get whatever she fancies anyway.

Yet has no issue with asking FIL to let my partner know that although the big bunch of flowers he'd bought his mum were lovely, she really does prefer pastel 🙃

My parents were both pretty problematic if I'm honest! But weirdly, I feel little rage for either of them.

My mum died pretty young and my dad is... alright. I love him but he can bother me sometimes.

But the person who really grinds my gears for no particular reason is my dsis. She is awesome in so many ways, but my god does she piss me off. Her terrible taste in men 🤢. Her obsession with looks and being thin 🤢. Grinds my gears no end

If I hear the same stories / facts / tales
one more time I will cry . Every time I see my mum she will tell me the same things

This but with the stories/facts/tales all being negative or moany.

It's not a dementia thing, it's just the same old moans about Irene downstairs, the same old moans about the current warden/housing complex manager, the same old moans about the physio/nurse/GP at the surgery., the same old moans about my brother's PIL.

I try to distract her to talking about something different or something positive but it doesn't work. It's actually really difficult to have a conversation with her and has been for years.

My mum is very much like that, except it's single male family members that she starts assuming must be gay.

It makes me rage too, partly because she voices it (and I hate judgemental gossip), and partly because even if they were, so what!