Things that make you RAGE about your parents?

[Derby2022]

Okay, bit of a light-hearted topic whilst dinner is cooking

What things make you RAGE when talking to your parents?

This has all stemmed from a bit of a snappy row Ive just had with my mother this afternoon for context:

My mother has this thing where if, in the first 10 seconds, she isn't interested in a topic or what I or my sibling has to say she'll sigh and go "yeah yeah get to the point" - I've always found it quite rude, YES I know there are some people who do waffle (looking at the woman at the end of every staff meeting with the questions...) But I just find it so rude to say that, especially when the "point" is what you/I am currently explaining! It comes across to me that the person has zero interest in the conversation and just wants you to shut up.

Does anyone else think this is so rude?

ANYWAY, was talking to my sister about Mum and she mentioned she finds it really rude/irritating when Mum makes comments about the neighbour's garden...it's nothing to do with her and my sibling is getting sick of hearing about next doors bloody rotten fence!

So MN's tell me things that make you RAGE about your parents - to give me a chuckle!

My dad is convinced I don’t understand pensions and don’t think they’re important. This makes absolutely no sense as I have been paying into a pension since I was 22. He has now rewritten history and convinced himself that I only do this because he told me to.

My mum is convinced I am extremely disorganised and untidy which is weird because my reputation amongst my colleagues is exactly the opposite. I think she still thinks I am a teenager.

My parents hate hearing people laugh in public and will sit and tut / make loud comments

The NEVER ENDING diet and exercise fads that my mum engages in, in the hope that she can get down to a size 14 without actually having to go to the effort of consistently eating less and moving more! She's 70. I've been witness to 38 years of it. NOTHING'S worked. Just stop.

And my mum's minor money obsession, having had a life of watching her pennies on a low income.
Anything I do, wear, eat, buy for the house, buy for the garden...."And can I ask how much that cost?" 😫

Every change of job role, new project, new employer, promotion...."Ooh, more money?" 😫😫
I always want to answer "Well yes, but as you don't know what I earn now, and don't know the percentage increase, its all a bit irrelevant isn't it?!"

My mum is fucking obsessed with getting my kids haircuts. They're teenagers, they can get their own hair cut when they like. She mentions it all the time then laughs to herself to prove how it's "just a joke" and she's so funny, but it's not funny. It really pisses me off. Minor but insanely fucking irritating.

"I've worked all my life", (you have done brilliantly at household chores Mum, but you have never actually been to 'work'!

There's so much more I could write, but it winds me up! I love my Mum dearly, but her judgement, her refusal to be happy, her political views, her constant moaning about my Father and her pure hatred of PH & MM...plus thinking the sun shines out of my manipulative sister's arse (she doesn't work either)... I feel myself avoiding her as she drains my energy.

My parents voted for Brexit and now insist that Russia simply didn't have a choice in Ukraine. They insist on talking about politics with us because I am a political scientist. I can no longer handle talking to them. It's a shame because they were always quite nice parents but their vitriol and political views have basically killed our relationship.

Just do it back to her op! See how she likes it.

My dad annoys me when I tell a story it is obvious he is getting impatient and wants me to hurry up so I find myself talking very quickly or he will just not listen to me.
My mum does this too, to an extent and it's not nice to feel like that. Basically if you don't get to the point immediately they aren't interested.
Almost like what your mum says to you and my dad says similar things sometimes..
And the other thing is, I can't just moan about something or tell them what's happening because they turn it into something they think I need advice on. 🤦

So unbelievably judgemental about everyone and people's decisions that have absolutely nothing to do with her. They don't impact on her life at all and the majority are pretty neutral but my mother gets so angry and uses language such as 'disgusting' and 'vulgar' to describe pretty run of the mill life events of others. She is so bitter and harsh and has this real seething cynicism about everyone. Also, when people do things for their children such as raising money for thier very sick kids she complains it's 'over the top'. She finds it particularly annoying when people are trying to find life saving treatment for their kids or if they have a ceremony for a stillbirth or miscarriage. She gets annoyed when people really dote on their kids amd calls it fussing. She has had a very traumatic life and I think has PTSD that makes her say some completely crazy things.

Another extremely annoying trait is that if I tell her anything about someone who she really doesn't like (nearly everyone) she just ignores my message. My best friend had a baby recently and I texted mum to tell her the baby was born (no idea why I bothered) and she ignored my text. She does that all the time. If I've people staying with me who she doesn't like, she won't contact me while they're there or will contact me but pretend they aren't staying with me and not mention them. It's so weird. If there are any issues with my kids, she won't respond. For example, one of my kids teachers flagged up a possible speech delay. I told mum: ignored. My other kid wasn't gaining enough weight at a checkup. I texted mum to tell her: ignored. I find it just so draining and always so odd and unnecessary!

Yes @Whyisitsososohard it's emotional immaturity and I feel like the parent at times and have done since I was about 19. One sibling entirely agrees, the other is a highly strung temperamental nightmare and they just feed off each other

I have a much longer list I'm still quite angry about inequalities over my education for example but I don't want to be outing and it's not lighthearted

That's a strange one for sure!
Why don't they like it?!

I cant do light hearted in this field. I used to find it infuriating that my perspective proves I am "angry" or "emotional" or "detached from reality,". Only mum's perspective is correct. She doesn't really seem to understand the concept of different perspectives though, as somebody who understands that knows that everybody has a different one. But my mum sees my experience as an offence perpetrated on her.

My dad always backs her up. No matter what. It's a nightmare.

I don't see what is light hearted about this thread to be honest

And the other thing is, I can't just moan about something or tell them what's happening because they turn it into something they think I need advice on. 🤦

This and it's always my fault and something wrong that I'm doing. I never show any vulnerability as I feel my mum is just itching to stick the boot in about how it's all my own doing. Her alternative to sticking the boot in is to just say nothing and leave an awkward silence that clearly means 'this is your own fault but I don't want to say it because you'll overreact'.

I am possibly being unreasonable here as I think age is exacerbating it but mine no longer show any interest in me at all. They expect me to make all the effort - phone calls, visits in school holidays (we live some distance away) - but would never just ring to see how we were and certainly never show any interest in how I am, as opposed to my children. I al feel like they’ve lost the art of conversation as they like to talk at me about politics but it’s less a conversation and more of having a different audience….

They also have zero understanding of how expensive it is to have any kind of DIY/renovation work done so think we are constantly being “had” and this is partly because I deal with tradespeople rather than DH. (DH is the kind who would accept a quote for a whole new fence when one panel needs replacing…)

Also, all men should be interested in and expert ar DIY and driving. All women should be excellent and effortless hostesses, as well as never needing any assistance with looking after their own children. DH and I fail on both accounts 😬

Oh yes, my mum has worked harder,longer and is more knackered than anyone ever has been. Even though she is retired

Are they Puritans? 😲

My mum is very critical and judgemental.
Does not listen and everything has to be explained to her over and over again.
Very hypocritical.
Double standards, my brother gets a lot more care and understanding and been that way since we were kids.
Pretends my chronic illnesses are no big deal and dismisses all my symptoms.
When I say someone has complimented me on something like my hair, she will just look at me and not agree that they are right.
Obsessed with the neighbours.
Refuses to get help with her extreme anxiety
Always complaining of tiredness although she doesn't work and no physical health issues.

Yet she can be very generous in other ways, buying me little gifts etc. It's a total head f**k.

The fact that my mum pecked my head for years about wanting a grandchild and now that (only) grandchild is here, makes so little effort. I feel sad for what she's missing out on and for my lovely child who should be doted on.
Sorry not lighthearted, I wish it was something trivial!

Thought of another one that annoys me but in a kind of unreasonable way.

Me and my mum look very very alike. And everyone likes to tell me this.
All the fucking time.
Yes. I know we look alike. Me as a 36 yr old looks very similar to my 63yr old mum. Thanks so much for that compliment 🤦

My mum tells me the same stories and anecdotes about her life over and over again. Anything I tell her she has been in a similar situation (although it’s usually not that similar at all) and she’ll cut me off when I’m telling her about a situation I’m in, right now, to tell me yet again a story about her past that’s tenuously linked and that I’ve heard many times before. I absolutely love it though when she tells me a story about her life that I haven’t heard before, that’s a real treat! My dad just doesn’t tell me anything about his life and is a completely closed book, he don’t take a whole lot of interest in my life either.

Extremely judgemental, controlling, critical and a miser. I wished I had parents who actually liked each other growing up. I wished they'd divorced so we didn't have to witness the shouting, bickering, depression, misery. I had no idea how a healthy relationship looked. Nothing was ever fixed, just put up with, regardless of how it affected you. They never tried to help me as a child when I was so clearly suffering. The snide comments and the inability to respect boundaries continues to this day. They fuck you up, your mum and dad....

Not sure many of these replies are that light hearted! My mum does a lot of these things and ive realised how much it's affecting our relationship and how actually I need to reduce contact because I don't see any other way out of it!

She will phone for a 'conversation' but if I manage to speak for more than 5 minutes in an hour it's an achievement she will tell the same sorry stories and her worries. Basically I'm some sort of emotional support rather than her daughter and it is very very draining.
I talk about something in my life and within seconds she's talking about her and how the same thing applies to her. If we talk about the children she'll relate to her own child hood and nothing too with my childhood.
Nothing is her fault it's always someone else's fault
She is draining!
Sorry bit of a rant but tbh I am really struggling with my relationship with her!

All you young ladies,I know your upsets re mothers.I stopped talking to my mother app.14 years before she died. I had suffered many years of her controlling nosy behaviour . What a relief .I smile about it even now!!!!

The talking for the sake of it - I think a PP nailed it, it's having an audience

But the thing that brings me out in a cold sweat is when anyone asks my Mum, 'where's X place'.

Cue a 90 minute direction monologue - with every land mark related to a previous experience.

E.g oh I've heard of that shop, not sure where it is though....(not even a question but a general area would suffice)

Mum: oh well you come out of this street, turn left at the blue house where Mabel and Derek live, go down Mulberry Road towards the George and Dragon - you know the George and Dragon, we had that birthday party for Dave in 1977, you remember - he had a blue cake. That blue cake took Margaret 3 days to make - do you remember? You do remember. You do remember. Ok you remember, right so opposite the George is that photo shop - you know that photo shop, we got your first school pictures there.......well you just keep driving straight. Past the traffic lights on heywood - where that awful crash was, with those teenagers - you remember, you remember, it was 1985 - keep driving straight....

We haven't even made it a mile yet and the overall journey might be 10 miles. and she will go through like that, blow by blow. Sometimes drawing a picture.

If my DH ever asks where somewhere is - I run.......😂

CBA to talk much about the birth giver, as that was largely venom, bile and contempt for anything and everyone (when it wasn't repeating whatever shit was printed in the Daily Mirror as though it happened to her personally with set phrases of the month that she though made her sound smart and wealthy) - but I will talk about the very lovely MIL.

'Oh, I don't know about that'

'Ohh, I've never heard of that'

'I wouldn't know about it'

'I've not heard anything like that, so it can't be right'

'No, that's not right, I've never heard anything like that before'.

'Oh well, that's that, then.'

Not meant in malice at all, but bloody hell, she doesn't know, understand or quite possibly think about anything and more to the point, doesn't want to learn about or do anything. She's lovely, but fuck me, it's like wading through treacle to find something she knows, understands or has any interest in whatsoever.

Her reading material is the occasional woo-woo about medical conditions (half of which she doesn't accept exist because nobody told her about them - bit of a problem when it's an autoimmune condition that has affected her son since he was 8 years old and she doesn't FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING about it being an autoimmune condition and she assumed that FIL's stroke meant he was basically dead and would need to go into a home, rather than just needing some hospital treatment) and the TV guide.

She doesn't like talking about cooking, about plants, interior design, the weather, animals, anything on TV that isn't a soap opera, haircare, makeup, clothes, cleaning, music, ANYTHING AT ALL. Oh, except for how poor she is following a six week five star luxury holiday in Thailand/Cambodia/etc and that her cottage is very cold in winter fucking would be when you haven't turned the heating on for more than ten minutes in the last fifteen years.

She is such a lovely person, but it's really, really hard work because she doesn't seem to have any interests, depth or knowledge about anything and is so passive I'm amazed that she manages to breathe sometimes.

FIL was far more interesting to talk to, albeit with a hefty dose of antivaxxer exacerbated by being a lawyer so would happily argue about anything at the drop of a hat. But he had multiple interests and an excitement for knowledge that it was fairly easy to steer the conversation well away from the batshit. And he still loves talking, albeit with a side quest of trying to follow the brain rewiring that leads to the words that come out in search of a particular one or phrase.