Daughter keeps ranting at me about GS weeing the bed

[Cantcook4shit]

I know I'm being judgemental. But I'm so fed up with it.
Grandson is 5 he often stays over1 or 2 nights. No accidents in bed no problem what so ever. He likes to take a toddler sippy cup to bed with him. He has one drink in the no more. As I said no accidents its not even a discussion or a thing.
Practically every day I have my daughter ranting at me. That he's peeing the bed several times a night she swears blind shes not letting him over drink or giving him. Drinks through the night. But I don't believe her . What Gos in comes out. So she just be putting something in ...
Pull ups don't work as he rips them . And also soaks through them .
I know I'm sounding judgemental. But I'm just so fed up with hearing it every day.
Its things like omg I can't take this anymore he's pissed 3 times I can't get anything dry . I don't know what to do. It just don't stop bla bla. It's stressful listening/reading it . I know its stressful for her . But I don't think she's helping her self. And it's not fair on him.
Whats she want me to do ???
Yes I know I'm sound like a right bitch . I fully support her with alot of stuff very supportive but I can't fix this when she's doing nothing.

Haven’t read every reply so not sure if someone has suggested this yet, you can buy pj’s from M&S adaptive range that secure on the back with a zip, so that the child can not get at their nappy. My son is autistic and still in nappies and he is 7, so I use them too. He doesn’t care about having the nappy on but will occasionally mess with it (assume sensory). My middle boy didn’t go completely dry at night until 6 and was in pull ups until then so I feel her pain, but he wasn’t bothered about pull ups.

My sisters eldest has really struggled and despite medication, still isn’t dry at almost 13, albeit the occasional night time accident. She double layers the bed mats etc so one set under the other, so it can just be stripped off and back in to bed quickly if there is an accident. He sorts this himself now of course. He does have a lot less accidents now he’s older but it’s taken a long time.

I understand your and her point of view on this, it’s frustrating all around. All I can say is, maybe it’s because he can just be himself at home. My youngest is completely different at home than he is anywhere else. Almost like a completely different person, because he can just be himself at home, no expectations or rules.

I hope your daughter manages to find a system that works for her and her son.

There are NHS bedwetting clinics in my area. Could their GP refer to one of those?
One of my DSs wet the bed nightly until he was 8. It became part of our morning routine to quickly strip the bed and stick everything in the washer. I had several spare sets of bed linen so just put clean sheets and blankets on once we were home. I also bought a proper waterproof, hospital grade mattress that I washed down every day.
It's frustrating but you just get on with it. The most important thing was that my DS wasn't made to feel stigmatised, so we told him it was not unusual and made sure he wasn't concerned.
We didn't want to medicate him as to me it was more of a functional issue than a medical one, he wasn't ill.
I can't even remember discussing this with my mum though, maybe you could back off a little bit and force her to either step up and get on with things or seek out expert help.

Tell your daughter to look at the ERIC website where there is lots of evidence based advice for bedwetting.

FWIW the biggest causes of bedwetting are 1) not drinking enough fluid during the day (so the opposite of “overwatering”) and 2) constipation (which can be related to 1). Is he drinking lots of water (6-8 glasses a day, with the majority before 4pm)? Are his stools soft or hard? Stress is less likely a cause than these factors.

I suspect the wetting won't change until he has a regular sleep pattern. His body thinks it is the same as daytime. Maybe tackle one thing at a time. Might there be any additional or health needs, has he been checked for diabetes for example.

If you knew the full story you would know I do not criticise her. She gets (alot) of support from me.

Every single day. She rants at me and it does get to me because I'm human same as She is so she's ranting at me. And I'm ranting at mumsnet that does not mean I give dd a hard time.

Being dry at night is a hormonal aspect which in boys can be very late child depending.

She would be best trying to solve the overnight pull up issue. Dry nights have superheros on so if he goes with her and picks them up makes it into a bit of a activity (home bargains sells them cheaper then elsewhere usually) then she may have more success. Also the pj's he's wearing you can get some lightweight onesies which he's less likely to get into when sleepy etc.

It sounds like she is pushing too much for him to be dry overnight and he might not be ready

He doesn't wet the bed at your house, so I wonder if he feels safer there for some reason? You don't mention his Dad, have his parents recently separated? I only say this as I know over hearing arguments at a young age led to behavioural issues with my DS, so could the bed wetting be a reaction to him being unsettled?

On the other hand, many children do wet the bed, my niece is 7 and she does (but it happens at home and if she stays at GP's)

Perhaps suggest to your DD that she asks to speak to the school nurse and see if they can advise?

This won’t fix the issue but has she tried brolly sheets? They soak up so much fluid, I used them when my SEN child was wetting the bed regularly.

Also, is home a safe space for him? you have said a few times ‘if only you knew the full story’. Has there ever been a time when home wasn’t a safe space for him?

I don't think its so much that he's not dry at night. The only reason was because he was ripping the pull up off or weeing out the side of it. So thought well he's weeing the bed weather the pull up in on or off .

I think the frustration is more about how many times a night he's weeing in one night.

yes 5 is very young I have reassured her several times on the age thing. But I do think it's more to do with how many times he's weeing

just tell her see the school nurse
whether he wets the bed in your house is irrelevent. she needs help for when at home

Get her to phone these people they are very helpful and specialists

the obvious explanation is the boy so drinking more than his mum knows about - would he
top up his own cup or drink form the tap?

Continence charity

Never heard of them. I will look them up . But are they hard to wash and get dry ?

"The if only you knew the full story comment " was really aimed at people having a dig at me. When they don't know the full story

Yes he is safe though

With the lots of support plus don’t know the half of it hints I’m assuming your DD has some difficulty in her life plus zero mention of any partner. Children pick up on feelings if your DD is super stressed about something then your GS could be picking up on this. My sisters granddaughter had big issues due to the extreme behaviour of her own Mother and all the child’s behaviours subsided when she stayed at my sisters, she was older and it was not bed wetting.

My son had nothing to drink after tea time but still wet the bed til he was 8.

Funnily enough he didn't do it at granny's either but I think he didn't sleep so deeply in a different bed.

It's hormonal. There's not much can be done about it.

The things that helped us are that he has an IKEA pull out bed where the two mattresses stack so I always left them both with waterproof sheet and a fitted sheet so I could just pull the top one off and he could get back in.

Quick drying bed throw rather than quilt or a thin fleecy blanket under the quilt so only that needs washed.

We did try lifting which slightly reduced accidents but had no impact on him waking up whether needed to go.

Reducing the washing and making it easier to dry is about all she can do.

Your ‘tricks’ to ensure he isn’t wetting his bed are not what makes the difference re the bed wetting.
Seriously, I’ve had one dc who wasn’t dry until he was in Y6 (10yo) and none if that has ever made a difference.

However, fir whatever reason, this child is stressed out. That’s what his sleep pattern is saying. And so is the bed wetting.

Your dd is, in your own words, ranting at you. She isn’t coping.

Support your dd. NOT for the bed wetting but in general.
Support your dgs, whatever is going on for him too.
Look at the bigger picture.

I'm not doing 'tricks'

This is not about grandson not being dry at night my own son was not dry till he was 6. Which is not even classed as on the late side

as I keep saying I'm human sometimes dd ranting gets to me. Hence I'm ranting on here instead of at dd.

She gets massive support in general I do loads for both of them. In a practical way , emotional and mentally but you won't know how deep that gos because I have not said it on here.

I'm sure someone else has probably mentioned this by now, but just in case, the fact he's dry at yours suggests that he's just not sleeping as deeply at yours.

Vast majority of kids who wet the bed do so because they're deep sleepers and their brain isn't picking up on messages from the bladder during the night. If they're sleeping more lightly, which is common when in other beds/houses/places, then they'll wake up easier if their bladder sends the message to the brain that it's full.

My DS is 9 and still wets the bed. Has been under the continence clinic for a year or so now. He's been on sleepovers at my mum's and school residentials and not wet the bed, simply due to later bedtimes, and then sleeping lighter when there.

At 5 he's probably too young for a referral to a continence clinc, it's 8 where we are, but it's worth suggesting to your daughter. Plenty of things they'll try with him - medication to help produce the necessary hormone, alarms, checking he's not constipated and medication for that if he is... But 5 is still really young and well within the normal range for bed wetting.

More water in the day time will be suggested first, so that's something your daughter can do without any Dr's input. This will increase his bladder capacity which might help him hold more wee in his bladder overnight. But then a set time for last water before bed. My DS has last water 1.5 hours before bedtime. I'd certainly do away with the overnight sippy cup.

It's absolutely exhausting dealing with it every night and then all the extra washing in the morning. I can understand why your daughter feels the need to vent...the same as you're venting here...

But trust me, the fact he's dry on the ocassional night at yours does not mean that your daughter is doing anything wrong and you're doing something right. Please don't take that attitude with her. Hope it resolves itself soon, it does for many kids.

Your daughter may only be wanting to lean on you for emotional support, because you’re her mum and she’s finding the situation understandably difficult. She probably just wants to vent and let off some steam, just like you’re doing. It’s a very natural human instinct. I’m sure it’s hard because you want to fix things, but the bed wetting will likely right itself in time. In the meantime, lending a non-judgemental ear and saying things like “I’m sorry, it sounds hard for you” will give your daughter more comfort and security than saying have you tried x product, y approach, or asking/implying that she must be doing something wrong. I say this as a mum of two young children. Sometimes I call my mum and I just want to vent. I don’t need her to offer solutions, because I’m an adult I can find that out for myself. I just want a hug down the phone. It makes me feel judged and alone when my mum gets frustrated by me expressing how I feel and this situation sounds similar. Do you have anyone you can chat to about it? I’ve read some of your other replies on this thread and it sounds like you have a lot of people leaning on you. It must be exhausting for you supporting so many people at the same time. Hope the situation improves.

My almost 12 year old still wets the bed regularly (as in 2-3 times a week). No other issues, just bed wetting. Somehow manages to never do it anywhere else.

It is not advised to withhold drinks anymore (that was from the urologist) and lifting is not advised (I know you haven't said you have).

One thing - does he drink blackcurrant or other darker coloured drinks at home? My son doesn't but apparently something in it can irritate the bladder.

Yes I agree the bed thing will fix its self. To be honest it should not really be an issue . Its more dds frustration that is. But I kind of understand that to if he's doing it 6 times.

Thing is she often asks for advice. Mum what do you do when hes at your house . What do u do to get him to sleep through the night etc.

We are actually really close. My kids talk to me about loads of stuff that can be quite sensitive/personal. As much as I'm moaning abit now I'm glad they can talk to me . I would not want it any different.

I don't have anyone to talk to. My venting place in mumsnet 🤣

Your GS has a serious sleep problem. His routine waking / not sleeping through is a massive issue.

Does he rip off his pull ups and deliberately pee in the bed instead, or deliberately pee out the side of them?

The entire picture needs investigation by the GP, possibly assessment for ASD by a psychologist.

Sending you every good wish, OP. You sound ace.

There have been times he's been wide awake and weed whilst on his tablet. He's also weed over his toys. It can deliberate as he takes it off rips it. Or wees out the side of it. But I think it's possibly sensory

100% he has lots of asd signs. But the school won't listen because he masks at school. But he is on the CAMHS waiting list.

Also recently I found a place that visits children at home and does assessment and you can do self referral.

There's is alot going on though.

I know I have ranted a bit. I know its not easy for dd. But sometimes I want her just not to sweat the small stuff.