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Original poster

Daughter keeps ranting at me about GS weeing the bed

122 replies

Cantcook4shit · 04/02/2023 23:13

I know I'm being judgemental. But I'm so fed up with it.
Grandson is 5 he often stays over1 or 2 nights. No accidents in bed no problem what so ever. He likes to take a toddler sippy cup to bed with him. He has one drink in the no more. As I said no accidents its not even a discussion or a thing.
Practically every day I have my daughter ranting at me. That he's peeing the bed several times a night she swears blind shes not letting him over drink or giving him. Drinks through the night. But I don't believe her . What Gos in comes out. So she just be putting something in ...
Pull ups don't work as he rips them . And also soaks through them .
I know I'm sounding judgemental. But I'm just so fed up with hearing it every day.
Its things like omg I can't take this anymore he's pissed 3 times I can't get anything dry . I don't know what to do. It just don't stop bla bla. It's stressful listening/reading it . I know its stressful for her . But I don't think she's helping her self. And it's not fair on him.
Whats she want me to do ???
Yes I know I'm sound like a right bitch . I fully support her with alot of stuff very supportive but I can't fix this when she's doing nothing.

OP posts:
ShopoholicIn · 04/02/2023 23:56

Apologies for that op.
I feel sorry for both you and your daughter. Has she tried getting him to do a wee before going to bed? Perhaps not to give him water or any drink at least half an hour to 40 minutes before bed time.
Has she perhaps tried using a mat on which she could put the bed sheet so it's not uncomfortable for the DGS. I am sorry if all the above have been tried , which I think they might have been, but not worked.

JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 00:03

Cantcook4shit · 04/02/2023 23:52

Yes.... that's why I said im being judgemental because I know I am.

But with this particular issue I don't think shes helping herself. For him to be weeing as much as he is she much be over watering him

Show quote history

In that case I think you're being really really harsh on your daughter, who as I recall is dealing with a lot. She needs support, not judgement.

I don't know the answer, but have you googled if masking can be present with bed wetting? I'm wondering if he's not sleeping as deeply at your house, which obviously isn't a good thing despite the dryness.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 00:05

ShopoholicIn · 04/02/2023 23:56

Apologies for that op.
I feel sorry for both you and your daughter. Has she tried getting him to do a wee before going to bed? Perhaps not to give him water or any drink at least half an hour to 40 minutes before bed time.
Has she perhaps tried using a mat on which she could put the bed sheet so it's not uncomfortable for the DGS. I am sorry if all the above have been tried , which I think they might have been, but not worked.

Yes have tried all that and recently bought him a waterproof mattress .

I said to dd not to give him drinks an hour before bed. To let him take his comfort cup at bed time with 1 small drink in it . ( same as my house) then I said to get him up regularly until she gos to bed then when she wakes in the night. Which she always does to take him for a wee. She said he does but he just stands there I told her ti kind of nudge hom towards the toilet . And out the tap on so he hears water. As it might help him go.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Potty training
Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 00:10

JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 00:03

In that case I think you're being really really harsh on your daughter, who as I recall is dealing with a lot. She needs support, not judgement.

I don't know the answer, but have you googled if masking can be present with bed wetting? I'm wondering if he's not sleeping as deeply at your house, which obviously isn't a good thing despite the dryness.

Show quote history

Yeah I know I'm being judgemental. I get that . But im just not sure she's doing as advised even though she says she is. I mean how can he be weeing the bed 3/4 times a night. With only 6 oz of drink ?

I'm gonna Google the masking bed wetting you said about

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 00:12

Honestly OP she's probably knackered. The thoughts of getting him up and risking waking him, or of depriving him of a drink he wants during the he day might be just too tough. She's got a lot on her plate.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2023 00:13

BlueWhiteHat · 04/02/2023 23:36

Were the huge gaps for dramatic effect?

😁

samqueens · 05/02/2023 00:18

Poor little boy.

I know you want to help but it sounds as though you and your daughter’s dynamic is getting in the way and you’re both so just focusing on what the other is doing wrong that your failing to work together to support your GS in a non judgemental way.

Do you think he hasn’t sussed that his bed wetting is driving his mum mad? Do you think her being judgemental towards him might stem from the way she feels you are towards her?

Maybe approach this not as ‘I’ve told you what to do and it works at my house’ but as ‘I know it’s frustrating to keep changing bedsheets, what can I do to help?’. Or better yet, ‘what can we both do to help GS feel ok whether he wets or not?’ Maybe letting your daughter vent at you can be helpful if it means she is able to be kind and loving to him even when he wets the bed.

Do you have him to stay on school nights? Could it be that he isn’t going to the toilet enough at school so he has more wees to do on the nights that he is with your daughter? Or that it is in some other way related to his daytime routine rather than bedtime?

He’s only 5, poor little mite.

samqueens · 05/02/2023 00:20

There was another thread on about a much older child bedwetting and a lot of the advice is specific to toileting issues for that particular problem, but some of it sounded quite interesting and applicable in any situation. Might be worth looking for.

Bluekerfuffle · 05/02/2023 00:45

Get a few bed protectors for incontinence. They are washable mats that can be put over the bottom sheet and then it’s just a case of replacing it with another one when it’s wet rather than replacing sheets every time.

lemmein · 05/02/2023 00:49

I don't know the answer, but have you googled if masking can be present with bed wetting? I'm wondering if he's not sleeping as deeply at your house, which obviously isn't a good thing despite the dryness.

I agree with this. He probably relaxes more and goes into a deeper sleep at home.

Does he wake up to pee at your house OP?

My GS is 5 and still wets the bed. it isn't a huge deal - they grow out of it eventually.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 00:50

samqueens · 05/02/2023 00:18

Poor little boy.

I know you want to help but it sounds as though you and your daughter’s dynamic is getting in the way and you’re both so just focusing on what the other is doing wrong that your failing to work together to support your GS in a non judgemental way.

Do you think he hasn’t sussed that his bed wetting is driving his mum mad? Do you think her being judgemental towards him might stem from the way she feels you are towards her?

Maybe approach this not as ‘I’ve told you what to do and it works at my house’ but as ‘I know it’s frustrating to keep changing bedsheets, what can I do to help?’. Or better yet, ‘what can we both do to help GS feel ok whether he wets or not?’ Maybe letting your daughter vent at you can be helpful if it means she is able to be kind and loving to him even when he wets the bed.

Do you have him to stay on school nights? Could it be that he isn’t going to the toilet enough at school so he has more wees to do on the nights that he is with your daughter? Or that it is in some other way related to his daytime routine rather than bedtime?

He’s only 5, poor little mite.

With the sleeping over that can be a school night or a weekend there's not really a pattern.

I definitely don't do the I told you so. He's dry at my house type thing. Although more recently I may have said something like well you need to stick to it or if he's weeing that much your giving him more than your letting on.

I think I'm sounding more harsh on here because I'm not actually saying it to her it's just a thread on mumsnet

I do alot for dd and gs. Mentally, emotionally and practically. It's just it gets to me every now and then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 00:55

lemmein · 05/02/2023 00:49

I don't know the answer, but have you googled if masking can be present with bed wetting? I'm wondering if he's not sleeping as deeply at your house, which obviously isn't a good thing despite the dryness.

I agree with this. He probably relaxes more and goes into a deeper sleep at home.

Does he wake up to pee at your house OP?

My GS is 5 and still wets the bed. it isn't a huge deal - they grow out of it eventually.

I don't know if he sleeps deeper at home . I know he wakes in the night at home .

My other kids said he does not get up for a wee in the night. But I can't be 100% as far as I know he sleeps through the night.

OP posts:
SkyHippoOnACloud · 05/02/2023 01:01

GrazingSheep · 04/02/2023 23:28

Is he afraid of her?

I was thinking this. Weeing the bed out of stress that he's going to be in trouble for weeing the bed.

samqueens · 05/02/2023 01:10

Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 00:50

With the sleeping over that can be a school night or a weekend there's not really a pattern.

I definitely don't do the I told you so. He's dry at my house type thing. Although more recently I may have said something like well you need to stick to it or if he's weeing that much your giving him more than your letting on.

I think I'm sounding more harsh on here because I'm not actually saying it to her it's just a thread on mumsnet

I do alot for dd and gs. Mentally, emotionally and practically. It's just it gets to me every now and then.

Show quote history

Sorry Cantcook - totally get that. Hopefully it’s a case of she rants to you, so she can be there for her boy. You rant to us so you can be there for both of them!

Maybe you don’t need to know if you’re BU or not, what you need more is 💐

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 01:35

SkyHippoOnACloud · 05/02/2023 01:01

I was thinking this. Weeing the bed out of stress that he's going to be in trouble for weeing the bed.

Show quote history

I don't think he's scared of her. But I might ask her if she kind of rants at the situation possibly loudly to herself?

Or when he's been playing up maybe she says something like don't you dare come out of your room again it bed time etc.

I did suggest to her to put a potty or similar in his room she said no because that's going backwards he knows how to use the toilet. I was trying to say to her its still better than several wet sheets a night and her being upset over it. And might help gs as well. But she does not think that's a good idea.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/02/2023 01:37

You do a lot for your DD.
Why is this? Why does she need so much help? Would you say she couldn't manage without your help? Is there a certain amount of chaos and lack of organisation in her life?

Why does your GS slep over at your house on a non routine basis? (What I mean is, not on set days). When is GS made aware thst he'll be sleeping at your house? Last minute?

Is there predictability in this child's life?

Abouttimemum · 05/02/2023 01:40

She doesn’t tell him off for it does she, or show him any frustration? That’ll make it worse. It’s a vicious cycle. Poor little one.

cortisolqueen · 05/02/2023 01:43

Ffs - my eldest wet the bed until he was 9yo. Even with drugs from the urologist he still had accidents.

I can tell you right now, it's exhausting - the extra laundry, having to dry the mattress (went through several layers of mattress protectors etc). Plus if they realise they're wet in the middle of the night they wake you, so you have broken nights & bed changes in the early hours.

When staying elsewhere he often didn't wet the bed, possibly because he didn't sleep as deeply or wasn't as comfortable/relaxed there.

Your daughter is probably ranting because she's at her wits end.

You do sound judgmental, I hope she doesn't see this & realise what you seem to think of her.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 01:44

samqueens · 05/02/2023 01:10

Sorry Cantcook - totally get that. Hopefully it’s a case of she rants to you, so she can be there for her boy. You rant to us so you can be there for both of them!

Maybe you don’t need to know if you’re BU or not, what you need more is 💐

Show quote history

Thank you.

It won't be forever 💪

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 01:46

cortisolqueen · 05/02/2023 01:43

Ffs - my eldest wet the bed until he was 9yo. Even with drugs from the urologist he still had accidents.

I can tell you right now, it's exhausting - the extra laundry, having to dry the mattress (went through several layers of mattress protectors etc). Plus if they realise they're wet in the middle of the night they wake you, so you have broken nights & bed changes in the early hours.

When staying elsewhere he often didn't wet the bed, possibly because he didn't sleep as deeply or wasn't as comfortable/relaxed there.

Your daughter is probably ranting because she's at her wits end.

You do sound judgmental, I hope she doesn't see this & realise what you seem to think of her.

You have it all completely wrong because you don't know the whole situation

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 05/02/2023 01:49

Cut the cup at bed time, that’s ridiculous. No child needs a toddler ‘comfort cup’ for bed no matter what small quantity. No liquid after dinner.

Gaffa tape the pull up on. I had one who used them for a long time. They didn’t take them off but sometimes in the morning I had early morning brain and would just presume it would be wet and rip it off to find it was dry or they would accidentally rip a side when taking it off themselves in the morning when older again and doing that themselves. I wasn’t wasting them (money/environment blah blah), so would use again that night and the only ‘fix’ was gaffa tape or similar. It wasn’t seen as any sort of punishment, in fact for some reason they thought the gaffa tape hilarious and in fact ‘tried’ to stay dry to see how many layers of gaffa tape we could use🤣.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 01:50

mathanxiety · 05/02/2023 01:37

You do a lot for your DD.
Why is this? Why does she need so much help? Would you say she couldn't manage without your help? Is there a certain amount of chaos and lack of organisation in her life?

Why does your GS slep over at your house on a non routine basis? (What I mean is, not on set days). When is GS made aware thst he'll be sleeping at your house? Last minute?

Is there predictability in this child's life?

It's a complicated situation.

When does gs know well if dd is going out with a friend she normally knows at least a few days before. So GS will know a few days before.

But GS also asks if he can come for a sleep over. That is more likely to be a last minute thing.

OP posts:
thirdfiddle · 05/02/2023 01:58

As he's 5, can't you or your daughter have a conversation with him, see if you can all work out between you what's going wrong?

I'm wondering if it's something about lighting, or where the bathroom is at home. Is it easier for him to get out of bed in the night at yours? Or as others have said perhaps he sleeps lighter away from home in which case there may be nothing she can do except pullups for now. Your daughter could also consider options like a onesie (hoodless is safer) to sleep in so absent mindedly pulling at pull-ups is less easy to do.

I don't think disbelieving your daughter on what she's giving him is going to help any. Why would she lie when it's her getting woken up and having to do all the changing? Water doesn't just flow straight through, he could still be peeing what he had with his tea. What does he have with his tea? Any difference between yours and hers?

rubberduckiee · 05/02/2023 02:02

If he's been alright at yours for a few days at a stretch so far, I think the smart thing to do would be to have him at yours for a longer period (week or more, maybe during holidays) or for you to stay over at his for a week, and see how it goes. Like a fact finding mission or experiment... But in a casual way, not in an offensive / condescending / intrusive way. I'm not the most tactful so not the one to advise on how to do this 😂 also understandable if you're too sick of it and cbf!

rubberduckiee · 05/02/2023 02:03

Not in an "I told you so" way but a "let's find out what works for GS" way