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Original poster

Daughter keeps ranting at me about GS weeing the bed

122 replies

Cantcook4shit · 04/02/2023 23:13

I know I'm being judgemental. But I'm so fed up with it.
Grandson is 5 he often stays over1 or 2 nights. No accidents in bed no problem what so ever. He likes to take a toddler sippy cup to bed with him. He has one drink in the no more. As I said no accidents its not even a discussion or a thing.
Practically every day I have my daughter ranting at me. That he's peeing the bed several times a night she swears blind shes not letting him over drink or giving him. Drinks through the night. But I don't believe her . What Gos in comes out. So she just be putting something in ...
Pull ups don't work as he rips them . And also soaks through them .
I know I'm sounding judgemental. But I'm just so fed up with hearing it every day.
Its things like omg I can't take this anymore he's pissed 3 times I can't get anything dry . I don't know what to do. It just don't stop bla bla. It's stressful listening/reading it . I know its stressful for her . But I don't think she's helping her self. And it's not fair on him.
Whats she want me to do ???
Yes I know I'm sound like a right bitch . I fully support her with alot of stuff very supportive but I can't fix this when she's doing nothing.

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 08:09

Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 08:08

I don't get him up at my house he gos through the night.

Show quote history

That surely supports the idea that he's not sleeping deeply at your house.

ittakes2 · 05/02/2023 08:10

I suspect this kid is wetting himself because he is too afraid of going into a deep sleep incase he wets himself. Your daughter is understandably prob sleep deprived and its clear she is unhappy and I guess he is sensing that.
My son wet himself in class in year 5 - came out of school with a wet patch on the front of his shorts. This was a child that had not even wet himself once at night when a toddler or as a very young child at school. It was because his teacher had told the children they could not go to the toilet during class time and he was so petrified of wetting himself he would go not only every break but at both the start and end of lunch to avoid wetting himself. The doctor said it was all psychological with an element of weakening his bladder by going so much - a letter to the teacher saying he needed permission to go during class if needed and he never had an issue again.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 08:22

JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 08:09

That surely supports the idea that he's not sleeping deeply at your house.

Show quote history

He also does not get up for a wee though .

Also he wakes up a couple tomes a night at his own house just for the sake of it will start asking for his tablet or playing with a toy. Sp I don't think he sleeps deeply there.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Families Potty training
Crumpetdisappointment · 05/02/2023 08:32

agree with a chat with school nurse,
and once she has had that advice, if still no joy, then a referral for eneuresis clinic if necessary.
you can buy alarmed matrresses, on the advice of school nurse, take Desmotabs, again via school nurse.

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/02/2023 08:33

but mum needs to make sure he is safe to use the toilet at night, plenty of lights on the landing, in his room etc.,

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/02/2023 08:40

cortisolqueen · 05/02/2023 01:43

Ffs - my eldest wet the bed until he was 9yo. Even with drugs from the urologist he still had accidents.

I can tell you right now, it's exhausting - the extra laundry, having to dry the mattress (went through several layers of mattress protectors etc). Plus if they realise they're wet in the middle of the night they wake you, so you have broken nights & bed changes in the early hours.

When staying elsewhere he often didn't wet the bed, possibly because he didn't sleep as deeply or wasn't as comfortable/relaxed there.

Your daughter is probably ranting because she's at her wits end.

You do sound judgmental, I hope she doesn't see this & realise what you seem to think of her.

OP sounds a bit like my narc mother. Wants to find any excuse to have it worse than the daughter.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 08:41

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/02/2023 08:40

OP sounds a bit like my narc mother. Wants to find any excuse to have it worse than the daughter.

Show quote history

If only you knew the full picture....

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 05/02/2023 08:41

Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 08:22

He also does not get up for a wee though .

Also he wakes up a couple tomes a night at his own house just for the sake of it will start asking for his tablet or playing with a toy. Sp I don't think he sleeps deeply there.

Show quote history

As humans, we do wake up in the night cos we're biphasic sleepers.

Kids especially as their REM cycles are much shorter. So, he probably is sleeping deeply at home and just waking up more too.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 05/02/2023 08:57

Boys do take longer to get dry. Everytime mine had a growth spurt it would start again. I understood it was genuinely a growth thing where everything then has to catch up a bit. I got reusable night time pads for mine, and put pads under the sheet.

I think mine was 100% reliably dry at 8-9. I help at beavers and put it this way, they take plenty of spare sleeping bags for the boys.

NancyDrawed · 05/02/2023 08:58

The two things that I remember reading when was in this stage with mine were:

  1. Only plain water after school until about 5pm and then only sips if really thirsty.

  2. 'Layering' the sheets - assuming there are more than one available - so:

waterproof matress protector
bed mat
sheet
another bed mat
another sheet etc

Not quite 'princess and the pea' style, but if for eg there are 2 accidents each night, you put enough bedding on so that rather than re-making the bed after an accident, you just take off a sheet and bed mat, leaving a dry and clean sheet from underneath.

It doesn't address the root cause, but is less hassle in the middle of the night. I didn't have the duvet issue mentioned by a PP though.
5 is still very young

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 09:12

Just wanted to put it out there . That I know its very normal to still wee the bed at night for a 5 year old. It does not even matter that he's weeing at night not really. He will stop soon enough.

It was more of my own rant about dd ranting at me . I get it alot day in day out . And this was just really me having my own rant.

I will pass theses suggestions on to dd though and will look into that alarm thing

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/02/2023 09:19

You need to take a step back. Let her parent her child. Repeat your position, "I know it is annoying but limit fluid after tea, remind him to go, use quick change bedding" every time. If it persists you can get alarms and medication from gp to mimic the hormone which wakes him when needing to go, but at 5 it is not unusual.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/02/2023 09:23

I think it is tricky to manage repeated accidents, and letting off steam to your dm is fairly appropriate tbh. It doesn't mean anyone is blaming the little one, just saying it is a nightmare when you have no bedding left and are trying to get things dry.

I think you are saying that you think it is her fault, or possibly that she is making it up? I think you could be a be more supportive. It isn't a competition.

Waterfallgirl · 05/02/2023 09:25

OP this sounds hard for all concerned. I (sort of ) don’t agree of the ‘restricting’ drinks unless he is chugging down lots of drinks? You don’t want him to be dehydrated, and I’m not sure that that’s what could be causing it
unless he is having drinks at home that have more of a dehydrating and diuretic affect like tea/coffee/coke?

I wonder at home he is picking up stress and that’s creating anxiety around bedtimes - - when he is alone in the bedroom ?
is he allowed the leave his room or does your dd tell him to stay put? Is he afraid of the dark or someth8n else?

I haven’t read your other thread but you have hinted that your Dd has a lot going on and you are supporting her a lot. He might appear settled at happy but if she has a lot going on, then so does he. If she is stressed, and you are stressed it’s likely he is but it just presents differently in a child as they cannot process like we do or have the words.

Swg · 05/02/2023 09:31

Oh I had this problem. Turned out because he slept less often there he slept more lightly so woke up when he needed to pee. My house he went into proper deep sleep fast because it was home and safe. Nothing to be done about it but pull ups, and the reusable padded sheets that go under the sheet.

It is exasperating but she needs to calm down a bit and frankly you’re not helping.

MissMaple82 · 05/02/2023 09:32

watsthecraic · 04/02/2023 23:50

Has she spoken to the HV?

You don't have a health visitor at 5. They need to speak with school or GP

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/02/2023 09:32

NancyDrawed · 05/02/2023 08:58

The two things that I remember reading when was in this stage with mine were:

  1. Only plain water after school until about 5pm and then only sips if really thirsty.

  2. 'Layering' the sheets - assuming there are more than one available - so:

waterproof matress protector
bed mat
sheet
another bed mat
another sheet etc

Not quite 'princess and the pea' style, but if for eg there are 2 accidents each night, you put enough bedding on so that rather than re-making the bed after an accident, you just take off a sheet and bed mat, leaving a dry and clean sheet from underneath.

It doesn't address the root cause, but is less hassle in the middle of the night. I didn't have the duvet issue mentioned by a PP though.
5 is still very young

My older boys weren't dry til about 8, one of them was quite lazy and happy to wear pull ups - the other was hideously embarrassed and didn't want to. We did the above. Also used lots of fleecy blankets instead of a duvet as they're much easier to wash and dry.

As frustrating as it is, so long as mum isn't verbalising her upset to her son, then it should be fine. It's fine for her to sound off at you - assuming when he's wet she just deals with it and doesn't punish him.

Another thing to add to the 'only water' - blackcurrant and other red drinks have apparently been shown to cause more wetness at night. And from personal experience (although I'm obviously waaaaay over 5!) any fizz drunk after 5pm will cause me to have to get up more often.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/02/2023 09:34

You don’t want him to be dehydrated

Look, no one is going to get dehydrated by having their liquid intake restricted between 5pm and bedtime.

Justmeandthedog1 · 05/02/2023 09:42

Your daughter could speak to her Health Visitor. I know there are clinics who can advise.
Does your daughter lift him before she goes to bed ? Sit him on the toilet and run a tap if necessary to encourage him to wee.
Reward system for keeping the pull up on ( as he can change that behaviour)
Waterproof duvet cover. Waterproof mattress cover. Can also get disposable mattress pads, Poundland had some, Superdrug sell them about £5 a pack though.

Weedoormatnomore · 05/02/2023 09:47

Is there some reason your doubting your daughter ? Just because he asks to go home etc may not mean he is happy he could be promised treats when he gets home. Does she strange that he has so many accidents at home but none at yours.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 09:49

Stompythedinosaur · 05/02/2023 09:23

I think it is tricky to manage repeated accidents, and letting off steam to your dm is fairly appropriate tbh. It doesn't mean anyone is blaming the little one, just saying it is a nightmare when you have no bedding left and are trying to get things dry.

I think you are saying that you think it is her fault, or possibly that she is making it up? I think you could be a be more supportive. It isn't a competition.

I Don't think she's making it up.

But I'm not sure I fully believe she cuts his drinks at night. She messaged me this morning said he had his last drink around 8pm but weed the bed 6 times last night . I don't get how if he only had 1 drink around 8pm.

I just don't think she's helping herself. But I could be wrong

I know at one stage she was filling his cup in the middle of the night incase he woke up .

Then she was letting him have lots of drinks as long as he done a wee before he was given the drink.

I'm 100% supportive of her. Not just with this situation. She gets alot of support. But with this particular situation it can become very frustrating when she's ranting at me constantly. And no it's definitely not a competition

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/02/2023 09:53

Has he ever been completely dry at night? Is he sleeping properly or getting overtired by only sleeping for short periods but deeply. 8 seems quite late for a 5yo to be going to bed.

ShimmeringShirts · 05/02/2023 09:59

I’ve got no advice about your DD ranting, but has she tried puppy pads? I found them to be a hell of a lot more absorbent than the mattress protectors for youngest DS

JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 10:07

But OP this is in the context of all the other issues your daughter and grandson are dealing with. My daughter is a similar age, well behaved and NT and I still wouldn't want to restrict fluids as her behaviour would nosedive. I doubt I'd even consider it in a DC who possibly has additional needs. She's in a really tough place right now, she doesn't need you criticising her.

Original poster
Cantcook4shit · 05/02/2023 10:09

LIZS · 05/02/2023 09:53

Has he ever been completely dry at night? Is he sleeping properly or getting overtired by only sleeping for short periods but deeply. 8 seems quite late for a 5yo to be going to bed.

No hes never been dry at night apart from if at My house. But he would only stay over 2 nights in a row at most.

His sleep pattern Is quite bad . He could go to sleep at 7pm and wake at 10/11pm and he won't go back to sleep till 3am . Other times he will go to sleep around 9pm wake a couple of times in the night. But then go back to sleep. It's very hard to explain. There's no pattern to it at all. That's not dd nor putting him into the pattern she puts him to bee etc but he won't actually sleep

OP posts: