Can't do weekends anymore

[HotWaterBottleAndABook]

Don’t know what’s changed. Well, maybe I do, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I used to work part time. I would work for half of the week, decompress and clean and tidy the house for the latter half. The weekend was spent living (shopping/ going to new places/ walking etc).

Now I work full time (financial necessity). I don’t feel that I have any more money left over. I work flat out all week, then the weekend happens. I don’t want to do anything. I'm tired. I don’t want to tidy or clean. I don’t want to go out. If we go out, the house stays bad. If we get the house nice, we don’t do anything.

We're all tired. The teens have found it harder now that we both work full time (their days are longer). Everyone pulls their weight to an extent, but we all come home tired and want to crash in the evenings.

Life is just 100% or nothing. Everyone is a bit tired and the family doesn’t feel happy anymore. The oldest DC is has so much studying to do. So much homework.

It's like we all know how to work hard, but none of us can remember how to relax and play. I know I could leave the house and not worry so much about tidying and cleaning, but I want to be able to invite people around , but that’s not happening the way it is.

🙁

Hi OP I have teens too. Just a thought if you did a couple of things like arrange online shopping maybe to arrive Fri eve / Sat morn, then maybe a cleaner one morning in the week would those things help you?

My teens also help with things like unpacking the shopping / bringing it in, sorting and taking out the recycling.

Then you can have quiet time at the weekend.

I'm not working but have chronic illness atm and husband works long hours. So just sharing some things which help me.

If any way could cut down to 4 days or working one day from home that could help also perhaps

Maybe get a cleaner in on Fridays?

Oh also, our school does after school homework time, maybe yours does something like that? I think as teens they need to be responsible for completing that themselves. Otherwise talk to them about planning it etc.

I get you. I'm always exhausted when the weekend comes and I don't have children. Do have a chronic condition though.

I second this.

I finally got a cleaner a few years ago. 4 children early - late teens.

I'm not exaggerating when I say it was life changing. The cleaner comes on Friday and when I walk through the door after work I am greeted by a sparkling, fresh smelling home ready to relax.

There are so many benefits. I was resentful and angry about all the relentless cleaning. I resisted because I thought it was a waste of money but actually it has freed me to earn more doing my job because I'm less ground down by chores.

It forces everyone to tidy up the evening before. We have a routine where all the laundry gets put away (everyone does their own), floors are cleared of shoes etc, everyone has to put their stuff away.

Do it OP and free yourself to spend time on recuperating from working and doing things you love ❤️

Also feel like this I went to 4 days and that has been a bit more liberating but still feel the exhaustion of life.

Weekend is maybe one or two activities activities. Try and have one weekend day at home to sort house.

I do like being at home though. But yes relentless and exhausting!

In my day off I do life admin,
catch up with work and the go to appointments finish the laundry and generally decompress and have a lie into 7.30!

The though of going out for the day then the evening is utter madness in my opinion!

OP has said there is no money left over. I doubt paying for a cleaner is on the cards.
I sympathise with you OP. It's a similar set up in my house and there's no way we can justify paying for a cleaner when we are struggling to cover the basics.
I've had to learn to just appreciate that the basics are covered. Kitchen and bathrooms are clean, clothes are clean and dry (not ironed) and there is enough food in the fridge.

It'll feel a lot easier I think when the nights get lighter and you can enjoy the evenings after work. The days feel so short at the minute and it's so cold that even a walk at the weekend isn't always appealing.

Why is your house so messy with teens? My teens are tidier than me 🤦‍♀️

I'm a SP to two and work FT. I try to get my cleaning done friday nights with a glass of gin and music. Otherwise it's Saturday morning but I don't want to spend the weekend cleaning or doing chores so try to get it sorted friday night.

Genuine question, why is your house messy when you don’t have small children? Try to get into the habit of doing things straight away and don’t wait until the weekend. Put things where they belong, empty the dishwasher while waiting for the kettle, keep it tidy always. Wipe the bathroom every morning while brushing your teeth. Then it’s quicker to clean properly on the weekend. All of you take 10 min every night to clean a bit. You can do much more than you think in just 10 minutes. We rarely have much to clean, as we both always keep things tidy and where they belong. Good luck, op. 🌸

Single parent who works full time here - I find what helps me is doing a couple of things on set weeknights so you break it up and aren't leaving it all to the weekend:
Monday (when I WFH) - Online food order delivered

Monday night - meal plan for the week to get ahead, including some batch cooking/lunch prep if needed.
Wednesday - laundry, that way it's dry by Friday so you can do another then.
I have a cleaner for a short spell fortnightly, which means I don't need to clean bathrooms and it is never embarrassingly dirty.

Then on Saturday you just commit to doing an hour or so of house tidying first thing, then you have the rest of the day free.
None of it is as painful if you break it up

My DCs are now both at university and the house has never been so clean. Not all teens/student offspring are co-operative with household tasks. 😂

I don’t do house guests any more, unless they’re close family or very local. I recently had an unfortunate experience with an old friend who has some medical and psychiatric issues, and realised that I was finding the process of accommodating guests stressful and intrusive. These days, if friends can afford to visit you from the other end of the country, they can afford a night in a Premier Inn/Travelodge or similar.

I have four children - two teens and two younger ones - and it’s the teens who make all of the mess. Leaving towels over the floor, destroying the bathroom with toiletries, toothpaste and skin care and failing to ever clear up after themselves, despite nagging reminders.

I work part time but volunteer and have lots of clubs in the evenings. I hate using the weekend to catch up so I do jobs throughout the week. One night I do the weekly shop whilst they’re at a club, put washing on as I’m heading out of the door snd put it on airers when I get back. Sometimes I use half an hour during an evening and sort through a cupboard that Jesse doing. I try and use my lunchtime to order ahead for birthdays or life admin. I plan things into the weekend but leave time to relax as well.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do more when you're home.
Get into a habit if listening to your body and brain when they want to rest.
if you do have that downtime where you don't feel guilty for doing nothing , then you'll be more likely to want to do the housework and going out.

What about implementing the organise mum method?

Do you feel working full time is of financial benefit? If so then definitely get a good cleaner. It’ll change your life!
If there’s no financial benefit then don’t work full time. You don’t sound very happy xx

You say "we". So what's the other half doing? And teens? Can't they help? Or at least do enough so there's less for your OH to do??

I love the idea of you getting a cleaner - despite the fact you state you are finding things tight financially. That seems to be a mumsnet answer for everything - throw some money at it because we can all afford it. (tin hat now firmly in place....)

I'm a single parent and work full time . I use to feel overwhelmed and resentful if I had to spend all weekend cleaning and washing. So now I MAKE MYSELF do 45mins - 1 hr each weekday evening doing chores . Sometimes I'm shattered and really don't want to do it but it is worth it . The only thing I leave to the weekend is ironing - which I don't mind doing in front of the tv.

like other posters I’m a single parent, work full time with 2DC.

I also now force myself to do 45 mins or one task Monday, Weds and sometimes Friday evening. Then an hour Saturday morning. Sunday evening I sort stuff for the Monday morning.

Atm the weekend is then spent taking the kids various places but I hope in a couple of years I might then get the rest of the weekend free.

‘Sort through a cupboard that needs doing’ 🙄

I work part time at the moment after having a child. Pre Dd, I worked full time, long hours and Dh too. I had a cleaner come every Friday and do a big clean and an online shop on a Friday. It was bliss coming home to a lovely house and not having to nip out at the weekend for food shopping etc. We just spent the weekend relaxing. In the weekday evenings, I just did the minimum required-cooked and washed dishes, tidied a little. I appreciate this was before kids though, when there was barely any mess!

@SmudgeButt I totally agree. It is because there are so many well off people on here, so throwing money at problems is always their solution.

OP I just accept a messy house. Like you I too used to work part time but now need to work full time. I simply can't do what I used to do so I have prioritised us having fun. As long as the house is fairly hygienic, washing gets done and everyone is fed, then I try not to worry too much about everything else and between DH and I we do bits when we can.

Agree with @SmudgeButt - "just get a cleaner" isn't possible for everyone.