Can't do weekends anymore

[HotWaterBottleAndABook]

Don’t know what’s changed. Well, maybe I do, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I used to work part time. I would work for half of the week, decompress and clean and tidy the house for the latter half. The weekend was spent living (shopping/ going to new places/ walking etc).

Now I work full time (financial necessity). I don’t feel that I have any more money left over. I work flat out all week, then the weekend happens. I don’t want to do anything. I'm tired. I don’t want to tidy or clean. I don’t want to go out. If we go out, the house stays bad. If we get the house nice, we don’t do anything.

We're all tired. The teens have found it harder now that we both work full time (their days are longer). Everyone pulls their weight to an extent, but we all come home tired and want to crash in the evenings.

Life is just 100% or nothing. Everyone is a bit tired and the family doesn’t feel happy anymore. The oldest DC is has so much studying to do. So much homework.

It's like we all know how to work hard, but none of us can remember how to relax and play. I know I could leave the house and not worry so much about tidying and cleaning, but I want to be able to invite people around , but that’s not happening the way it is.

🙁

It's winter and it's new to you. It will feel better as the light returns, honestly. DP and I have had jobs which mean we leave the house at 7 and are back at 6, Monday to Friday. We don't have money for cleaners. Honestly, now the DCs are late teens, we just chill, do the shopping, watch a film. Occasionally we might meet a couple of friends for lunch but they don't get invited to ours because I want to control how long I spend with people, as those 2 days are so precious. Do the house admin on a Saturday morning whilst DH at supermarket. Having very low standards of house cleanliness helps. Booking time off together to do specific fun things in the week. It's really tough and one day I hope to reduce our hours. You just do what you need to.

I know what you mean.

We both work 60 hours a week, my kids are busy with school and homework. By the weekend we're exhausted.

We don't have the energy to pack up all the bikes and go off to the local mountain biking centre that we used to. Plus we're so busy with household jobs at the weekend and we are doing up our house!

But it helped us to know that it's not all or nothing. We can go out as a family - but just a local walk - all we need to do is put on trainers and coats. Or swimming at the local club followed by McDonald's.

Actually we have really enjoyed these things lately and they've only taken a couple of hours.

We've accepted now that for big days out on a Saturday we need to plan ahead.

Divide and conquer. Even if you all work / study full time, if one person is in charge of a particular task , I am sure you will be free to enjoy the weekend again.

"I want to be able to invite people round" is the mindset to change for free.

If your "people" don't love and appreciate you for the hardworking person you are, if they judge your value by the state of your busy family home, ditch them. There is moral virtue in having a clean and or tidy home.

When I was first a single parent working full-time, I also managed to renovate a house whilst commuting forty miles each way to work with a toddler.
That was nineteen years ago. Since then, I have renovated another house, had another malfunctioning marriage and been a single parent for the last ten years, working FT and doing all the house, garden, life admin myself.

Your level of cleaning is not doable year in, year out, working FT and spending time with a family. It’s exhausting. Unless you have dogs and very muddy surroundings, no-one’s floors need mopped four times a week or hoovered every day. I don’t leave cleaning to the weekends, but sometimes I am just too tired to do more than clean the kitchen and make sure everything is ready for the next day in an evening. And quite frankly, my health and well-being and time with DC is more important than the floor.

To the OP, find a balance of things which works for your family. Think about what is most important to you at the weekends. And ignore people who tell you that you are doing it wrong.

Light nights make all the difference I find.

I don’t know what your work hours are like but I used to finish early on a Friday, came home and used to clean and tidy solidly for an hour. Made all the difference.

You do need to break up tasks and do then during the week, doing washing, giving the bathroom a quick clean, hoovering etc.

For me food shopping and putting it away was always the worst task. I think if you can online shop it takes part of the pain away.

To be fair, I do all that, work full time, have 5 children, no family help, gym 5 times a week, my mental health is great, and I manage to spend time with my children just fine.
and I’m in my 40’s…

it’s about prioritising and scheduling.

YOUR floors may not need moping every other day but mine do.
we are busy family and unfortunately a load of messy buggers!!

the idea of spending all weekend cleaning is bizzare, I don’t do that and have a tidish house.
we are not Mrs Hinch clean and tidy but no need to spend all weekend cleaning.

do but all week long and get the rest of family to chip in.

Hi OP I have teens too. Just a thought if you did a couple of things like arrange online shopping maybe to arrive Fri eve / Sat morn, then maybe a cleaner one morning in the week would those things help you?

This is exactly what I have done.

Until Xmas, I was the sole earner and DH was a SAHD. Now he also works full time. I basically said I'm not spending my entire weekend cleaning and doing boring house shit, we both deserve some down time (especially as his job is pretty demanding and physical). He didn't like the idea but tough luck really. It's £50 a week well spent IMO.

We make sure everything is done by Friday and do not clean at weekends.
On a Sunday I will prep a couple of slow cooker meals and a couple of day's lunches to get us in front.
I click and collect shopping or have it delivered.
Once a month I pay a cleaner to do the jobs I don't have time to do, like windows, skirting boards, oven and wipe the wood work..

Yip
100% agree.i work pt and use days off to decompresshousework/shopping. I have teen DC and the weekends are hectic. No one tells you how hectic life is (in a good way) with teens. With younger dc, I certainly had more time.

I agree with other poster, batch cooking is a good idea. Also online food delivery.

For me being around the family was more important than cleaning and dusting. Make memories, leave the housework alone it will never come back to bite you in the bum.

What does everyone else do Op?

The kids rely on you /your OH taking/collecting them & that's why their days are longer?

I get what you’re saying but many of us have cut our budget right back as it is so £45 on something I could do myself is too much witness I barely buy any new clothes, have haircuts etc. £45 a fortnight needs to go on school dinners, saving for Xmas, overpaying electricity etc. Making a few cutbacks wouldn’t get me even close to that!

My teenage son is so tidy! He really must be the exception.

I get you O.P - I have two teens and both DH and I work full time. My two have sports activities and both my DH and I have sport activities too.

what I do is, up early and slow cooker on or easy dinners. I do clean during week and spend maybe 45 mins each night doing something. Bathrooms, general tidy ups and washing and hoovering.
Weeknds do have a mixture of some housework, homework and relaxing.

its a juggle but I expect teens to help out. They strip and make beds, wash or dry up etc.
I do look forward to holidays though for some real quality time as during term time it’s so busy.

My opinion is that a little squalor never hurt anyone. As per Quentin Crisp:

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

I discovered the batch cooking lady and now spend 2 hours on a Sunday cooking meals and freezing them. I can literally make 2 weeks worth of meals in 2 hours and this saves me time when I get home from work. I can then spend 30 mins having a quick tidy up on Saturday morning before leaving the house for family time. Sundays DH chills on the xbox and kids watch a movie, do homework etc.
I work 4 days, I'm a Master student and have a 10 year old and 20 year old. Life feels like hell at times but I have learned to not sweat stuff and show Self-compassion. Who cares if there is a bit of dust, I will be a pile of dust one day, I'd rather have fun whilst I have the chance.

Op: Now I work full time (financial necessity). I don’t feel that I have any more money left over.

Replies: get a cleaner

See this all the time at the moment, and with private medical appointments.

Op: I can't afford to go private

Replies: can you not just go private?

So frustrating

The Batch Lady is a good shout. Eg I made The Organise Mym Method kind of puttanesca in the slow cooker. Whacked the ingredients in Thursday night. Put it on Friday morning. Added pasta when I got home at 4.30. Did some frozen green beans with it and tea was on the table for 5pm. There were enough leftovers for kids lunches on Saturday with sweetcorn. I also doubled the recipe and froze half so one Friday night all I have to do is reheat.

It's not gourmet food and won't win taste awards but it keeps the family happy and healthy.

Could you do some bits at home on a weekend? Game night, quiz night, movie night ( with a few treats and phones away?) that kind of thing, that way you can spend quality downtime together without there being loads of effort involved and you can still get your housework done in the daytime.

Utilise convenience wherever you can, cook enough food one night that you can eat for two, but also use things like frozen pizzas, or picnic teas or beans on toast one night per week too to cut down on both your time cooking, and your energy usage.

Does your washing machine have a timer? Put a load on before bed and set it to timer. We have started to do this and that way it's ready to be put in the dryer/hung out before you go to work in the morning and it's made washing a bit of a non job.

Realistically though, most of ours houses will look like yous, not messy or dirty, just lived in, and it really isn't the end of the world so don't put too much pressure on yourself 💐

I've just recently gone full time too. I hate it. I feel like I have no life anymore it's all work, work, work. I am sitting here in one of hells worst rage that that's me back in again tomorrow for another 5 ( extremely long shitty) days

I agree that full time working and teens can be exhausting.

I have just got a routine sorted, after spending Christmas sorting out the house (I’m gradually recovering from long covid).

DS (yr 13, has a job for 1.5 hours each eve)- walks the dog each morning. Empties all bins twice a week, puts out wheely bins weekly.
DH (works ft, 45 min commute each way)- washes up all dishes. De-poops the garden (dog!!), all gardening including own growing of veg.

Monday- clean downstairs bathroom, mop floor. food order arrives, put away.
Tuesday- hoover downstairs, clean surfaces in living room. Disinfect areas the dog uses to wipe his face. Put away weekend washing.
Wednesday- hoover stairs, one load of washing.
Thursday- hoover upstairs, clean upstairs bathroom. Top up food (shared between DH and I)
Friday- pm: washing, one away, one new load. Hoover downstairs. Mop kitchen floor. Disinfect dog areas.
Saturday- food order. Bedsheets/ towels.
Sunday- batch cook, use up old veg etc. Hoover. Disinfect dog areas. Any final washing.
Daily- kitchen surfaces, bleach loos, zoflora the sink.

Its not perfect, but keeps the house respectable.

I feel like this a lot and it was really getting to me but I've become a new year new me wanker and am working really hard to improve my life. I have a list on my phone for shopping, and I meal plan then write a list and do a rapid food shop. I'm also following the organised mum method for keeping the house tidy. There's different levels of jobs and basically you do 30-45 mins of tidying a day, it works. You do need a big declutter and boot camp clean to begin with. I haven't had time to do this so I made a list in my diary of everything that's an extra job, like cleaning washing machine out, sorting each drawer, all listed separately. The list is massive but each job can be done relatively quickly and I try to do one when I have a spare 15 mins. So I sorted my little boys wardrobe today, took half an hour but it's ticked off. There's no time limit to the list but I want it all done before Easter hols and then it'll be easier to keep on top of it.
Sorry I know that was long and boring but it's really helped me!

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, I downloaded the organised mum method and that has helped loads. Also if you're boiling the kettle, use that time to empty the dishwasher or wash up/make packed lunch for the next day/ wipe kitchen sides down etc. Makes a big difference! Get everyone to make their beds when they get up. The biggest thing that's helped me has been decluttering. Just a drawer or cupboard at a time makes a huge difference.
Be kind to yourself, life is hard and busy so don't feel guilty for having lazy days 💐