Would I be allowed to 'patio' DH?

[Babysharkdoodoodood]

I'm suffering with tendinitis in my glutes and walking & bending are so painful, even with the physio exercises I have to do 3x a day.

So I literally just walked in the door to be greeted with 'We have viewings. Superclean time!'

It's doesn't need it. We gave it a thorough clean at the weekend and have got storage for most of the general housecrap.

He keeps polishing the damned hallway and expecting me to dust and vacuum after it was only done yesterday. No little kids here anymore. I did say he'd be better spending his time painting over the stupid sentences on the wall that the last owners left. See below for stupid sentence and stupid floor.

He's now acting hurt and injured because I answered him back with 'Fuck right off'. I just walked back from the bus stop thinking my leg was going to fall off!

And I'm menopausal so it's only right that I can put him under the patio?

Don't either of you care about the soot you're creating?

Though I suppose if you burned enough it'd tone down the writing on the wall a bit.

Don't bother with the patio. You can have the use of the oubliette at the bottom of our garden. It saves a lot of time and hassle 😉.

I know a mini digger & driver available for work, can you send your dh outside around 8.00pm & turn the television up please, I'm sure your new patio extension will be finished before the neighbours start complaining.

Oh god and now this...

Urgh that wall writing

Noooooooooooooo

What the fuck...arse tendonitis...that's an actual thing????

Also, the words are not nearly as offensive as that brown wall. Poo brown does not sell houses.

Ah but this is a “joke” and therefore ok

Not really, the new owners would find him eventually. Wait til you move to the new house

I've been reliably informed by a lawyer that the best way to disguise the body is to bury an animal on top of the body so that's what the police assume the sniffer dogs were after.

Have you got any sheep nearby OP?

That little thing by the stairs is part of the hot water system

I don't believe you. It's obviously a really dangerous and scary little golem. It creeps around when no one's looking.

No viewings for you now, Mrs Covid! That's sorted the cleaning issue

No more viewings in the plague house! I’d be upset if my Dh told me to fuck off, even as a joke. I’m the one who hobbles in and immediately collapses in the recliner, my Dh has to do any heavy lifting, I have a dvt.

Forgot to say, my affected leg is twice the size as the other, I’m not skiving!

I'll provide an alibi 🙋
You're a better woman than me op, I'd already have the spade out and be digging a man size hole!

An unauthorised lighting of one of my good candles would be a patio offence on its own.

Obvs viewing is off for tomorrow (and I hope you feel better soon) - but in case he comes out with similar remarks in future ...

You don't want a patio.
You want pigs. 😏