Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would I be allowed to 'patio' DH?

68 replies

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 16:53

I'm suffering with tendinitis in my glutes and walking & bending are so painful, even with the physio exercises I have to do 3x a day.

So I literally just walked in the door to be greeted with 'We have viewings. Superclean time!'

It's doesn't need it. We gave it a thorough clean at the weekend and have got storage for most of the general housecrap.

He keeps polishing the damned hallway and expecting me to dust and vacuum after it was only done yesterday. No little kids here anymore. I did say he'd be better spending his time painting over the stupid sentences on the wall that the last owners left. See below for stupid sentence and stupid floor.

He's now acting hurt and injured because I answered him back with 'Fuck right off'. I just walked back from the bus stop thinking my leg was going to fall off!

And I'm menopausal so it's only right that I can put him under the patio?

OP posts:

ConfusedNT · 30/01/2023 18:41

slashlover · 30/01/2023 18:28

Imagine a woman posting that her DH had told her to "fuck right off" and joked about murdering her.

You wouldn't be able to move for the LTBs and calls of abuse.

Whilst I don't disagree that there is a double standard here, I would imagine its because men are killing women at the rate of 2 a week so the joke about murder is rather less funny when its an actual possibility

Happygirl79 · 30/01/2023 18:42

Yes you should do it. Then move house and have a fresh start

Beamur · 30/01/2023 18:43

slashlover · 30/01/2023 18:28

Imagine a woman posting that her DH had told her to "fuck right off" and joked about murdering her.

You wouldn't be able to move for the LTBs and calls of abuse.

I am tempted to reply 'just bantz innit' but I don't think it would be helpful.
OP consider yourself told off.
I am going to go away and think about what I have done by joining in.
I don't really know where to hide a body. Honest.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General health Menopause Women's health

redspottedmug · 30/01/2023 18:44

Humour me - how long have you lived in this house with those words on the wall??

ToastAndButler · 30/01/2023 18:48

Don't light the candle- people will assume you're trying to cover a smell.

I'd be really upset of my OH told me to "fuck right off" if I'd said something jokey and excited about cleaning because I was pleased to have viewings booked. But can't comment on you saying it without knowing a lot more about tone, how you and your husband usually speak to each other etc.

Hoppinggreen · 30/01/2023 18:48

I am absolutely horrified by this post. If a man came on here and suggested murdering his wife everyone ……….
Nah, can’t do it, patio him OP

DuncanBiscuits · 30/01/2023 18:50

You need to leave a mound so that when the body sinks the patio is level.

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 18:55

Beamur · 30/01/2023 17:29

I know a good place to hide a body. Patio is way too obvious!

Plus to increase decomposition, it needs to be left above ground too.

LuluBlakey1 · 30/01/2023 18:55

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 16:53

I'm suffering with tendinitis in my glutes and walking & bending are so painful, even with the physio exercises I have to do 3x a day.

So I literally just walked in the door to be greeted with 'We have viewings. Superclean time!'

It's doesn't need it. We gave it a thorough clean at the weekend and have got storage for most of the general housecrap.

He's now acting hurt and injured because I answered him back with 'Fuck right off'. I just walked back from the bus stop thinking my leg was going to fall off!

And I'm menopausal so it's only right that I can put him under the patio?

Could you dig a big hole and I'll pop DH in too? He has just come home to 3 small children (who have been very excitable since teatime today for some reason and were calmed down and ready for bed after 2 hours of playing, dancing and shrieking) and has been doing scary monster impressions chasing them round the ground floor of the house. They are now hysterical with laughter and excitement and he's just said they can stay up late tonight.

I am going upstairs to have a bath and locking the bathroom door.

TheShellBeach · 30/01/2023 18:56

What does it say on the wall?
I can't read it on my phone.

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 18:56

From the tv show killer net, by linda la plante

MrsCarson · 30/01/2023 18:57

I'll hold your coat.

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 18:57

TheShellBeach · 30/01/2023 18:56

What does it say on the wall?
I can't read it on my phone.

Time you enjoy wasting , was not wasted

Hawkins002 · 30/01/2023 18:58

TheShellBeach · 30/01/2023 18:56

What does it say on the wall?
I can't read it on my phone.

By john Lennon

FictionalCharacter · 30/01/2023 19:04

Menopause irrelevant. If you were 20 this would still be a patioable offence by him. No need for that though, just permit him to do all the supercleaning himself as much as he wants.
Why does anyone want to clean on Monday if the house was cleaned at the weekend? Does he think the viewers will go round with a magnifying glass, searching for flecks of dust that have settled in the last 24 to 48 hours? “We can’t buy that one Sandra. It would have been perfect, but there was a bit of dust on the radiator in the hall.”

JockSmashnova · 30/01/2023 19:07

NO. Not under the patio.

you need to hide a body where sniffer dogs can’t get. I’ve been told (Cough)

lure him into the loft…..

MysteryBelle · 30/01/2023 19:07

Bluetrews25 · 30/01/2023 17:46

Have you put a spell on him and shrunk him? He's standing by the bottom step. Or do you have Borrowers?

I looked again after I read this comment because I didn’t notice it at first, and it appears to be much creepier than a cute Borrower! 😱

What is it?!?

BitOutOfPractice · 30/01/2023 19:09

You’ll never get the slabs down on top of him with tendinitis. Far too ambitious.

FictionalCharacter · 30/01/2023 19:10

slashlover · 30/01/2023 18:28

Imagine a woman posting that her DH had told her to "fuck right off" and joked about murdering her.

You wouldn't be able to move for the LTBs and calls of abuse.

In case you’re serious, this is a long running MN joke. It qualifies as a joke not a threat because none of us are actually going to murder our husbands and bury them under the patio.
In contrast, there are a lot of violent men out there. When they say they’ll punish their wives by murdering/ maiming/ hitting them, a good few of them actually do it.

Original poster

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 19:12

redspottedmug · 30/01/2023 18:44

Humour me - how long have you lived in this house with those words on the wall??

Since 2014. They're all over the place.

OP posts:

springerspanielpuppy · 30/01/2023 19:14

It would appear you have more than one pain in the arse …. sorry 🤐

Shunkleisshiny · 30/01/2023 19:17

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 17:27

He wants to light my Diptyque candle! So I've hidden it and left the wax burner out instead.

The monster😮

soboredtonight · 30/01/2023 19:22

Are you married to Kevin from motherland.

Original poster

Babysharkdoodoodood · 30/01/2023 19:22

That little thing by the stairs is part of the hot water system. Mr incompetent DIYer who lived here made a right bodge of everything. We've had to re-pipe and move rads.

My dear (soon to be departed) OH also panicked and dropped the price by 10 grand when we didn't have viewings after a whole week!

I just flopped on the sofa after stretching and had a nap before making dinner. His punishment so far has been courgetti with bolognaise instead of pasta. My son has said he's working late now .

And yes, the patio is a long running MN joke. I wouldn't actually kill him. Flipping pearl clutchers

OP posts:

HippeePrincess · 30/01/2023 19:22

A days worth of dust will not make any difference in your house, most people are going to want to gut it once they move in.

I have no idea how you’ve lived with these quotes all over your house for nearly 10 years, why have you not decorated at any point?!
I agree with moving the crap under the bed.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread