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Original poster

Is this a rubbish birthday present?

95 replies

Caneverybodyjustcalmdown · 28/01/2023 15:50

A very good friend of mine has a birthday in a few weeks. She’s just had a baby (her first; about a week ago) and it’s just dawned on me that all of the things she usually enjoys will be put on the back burner for a while. In the past I’ve bought her alcohol (she loves trying different flavours of gin and vodka), vouchers for things like afternoon tea, and baking things (recipe books etc) as she really enjoys that. She loves make-up and girly things like that too.
From my experience of having a newborn, I felt like I’d won if I’d had a shower that day, so I doubt she’ll be practicing for GBBO or putting a full face of makeup on. I’ve thought about making her a cake but does that sound a bit rubbish? I want her to have something she can enjoy straight away rather than waiting until she’s ready to leave the baby for a day/night out (for example a voucher for afternoon tea). We usually spend £20-£30 in each other. Any advances on my cake idea? Thank you.

OP posts:
NewNameFor2023 · 28/01/2023 15:55

I think that is nice, but it wouldn’t be the usual value of what you spend on each other.

Maybe the cake and some vouchers for time where you could come over for an hour, watch baby whilst she sleeps or showers. I would definitely get something for her too, unrelated to the baby - hair masks, or the make up you used to get etc.

BrownOwlknowsbest · 28/01/2023 15:55

How about a cake and an hour of your time when you watch the baby and your friend has a relaxing shower and a little time to catch her breath?

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:02

Nope. Treat her the way you've always treated her. I didn't feel like "I'd won" when I had a shower, not my experience at all. I found having a newborn fine.

If my friend usually bought me a decent vodka and then decided cause id had a baby I was only fit for a homemade sponge id be a bit Confused

Get her what you know she likes.

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getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:03

"How about a cake and an hour of your time when you watch the baby and your friend has a relaxing shower and a little time to catch her breath?"

Why would she need to "catch her breath"? Honestly. I'm sure she's fine. Get her the vodka!

Hiphopopotamonster · 28/01/2023 16:03

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:02

Nope. Treat her the way you've always treated her. I didn't feel like "I'd won" when I had a shower, not my experience at all. I found having a newborn fine.

If my friend usually bought me a decent vodka and then decided cause id had a baby I was only fit for a homemade sponge id be a bit Confused

Get her what you know she likes.

Absolutely this.

watchfulwishes · 28/01/2023 16:05

She might be drinking alcohol unless she is bf-ing?

But if uncertain then ask her - ask her if she wants the old type of stuff or something different.

ButItHasCheese · 28/01/2023 16:06

I think a cake and an hour is lovely OP - really thoughtful

MaryJean87 · 28/01/2023 16:06

I'd get her what you usually get her. She's still the same person.

TurtleTriplets · 28/01/2023 16:06

I agree with @getreadyy, she's had a baby, not a personality transplant.

Hiphopopotamus · 28/01/2023 16:06

Never understood this ‘never had time to shower or catch a breath’ with a newborn mentality that so many have here. Not my experience at all. Just get her a nice regular present like you’ve always done. Certainly don’t assume she never wants to drink or put on makeup again just because she’s had a baby 🙄

rookiemere · 28/01/2023 16:07

I generally buy new mums a tube of Clarins hand cream. It's the best I've ever used and your hands get really dry with all that washing after nappy changes, plus it smells lovely and feels a bit luxurious.

MsMarch · 28/01/2023 16:08

Mini gin bottles - a tasting set or whatever or mini bottles of champagne are nice when you have a new born and like alcohol but clearly can't go the whole big night out route!

But I wouldn't change what you buy her. I think a cake or some kind of breakfast bars etc are a great gift for someone with a newborn, but just as a general gift. Not a birthday gift.

Knittedfairies · 28/01/2023 16:08

If she likes afternoon tea, could you have one delivered?

scepticalexpat · 28/01/2023 16:09

I guess everyone's baby is different but mine were pretty exhausting and it was a long time until I could bake or go out without them. I would have loved a massive cake.

Rosio · 28/01/2023 16:09

What about a a kindle or audible subscription for 3 months? And a bottle of wine

Mrsjayy · 28/01/2023 16:10

Buy her what you know she likes I'm sure her life hasn't halted because she has a newborn.

MovinOnUp · 28/01/2023 16:12

Does she have a partner at home? Organise a time with him so that he can be at home with the baby and you can take her out for afternoon tea.

If the feeling is that she'd rather not leave the baby, Many hotels offer an afternoon tea at home box.
You could take this round with a bottle of fizz and have a good catch up.

PeachiceT · 28/01/2023 16:14

A hamper with afternoon tea goodies in some mini bottles of prosecco or gin

Beautifulsunflowers · 28/01/2023 16:17

If you can arrange an afternoon with her then how about a hand picked afternoon tea with the cake you want to make her, added in a bottle of fizz which she can dilute with orange juice if she wants to would be very thoughtful.

Or treat her to dinner out if she’s able to leave baby for a couple of hours.

Or a large bottle of lovely gin for when she can enjoy it!

you know your friend best snd know what she would like.

Robinni · 28/01/2023 16:19

@Hiphopopotamus and @getreadyy
Did either of you breastfeed? Did you have help?

My first Dc would cluster feed from 5pm - 2am with 20-30min breaks at most. Then slept for 4 hours, feed at 6, then he’d sleep another 3-6 hours when I’d either sleep clean or be at baby activities with him. More feed at between 11-12, maybe 2, 4 then back to cluster! It was knackering. Wanted to be held all the time too so I prayed would sit long enough in chair for me to shower/dry hair…

I would def not bother with the alcohol as she won’t be able to drink if bf a newborn.

How about bring the afternoon tea to her? Sambos, cakes and non alcoholic fizz? Make it special 💐

bussteward · 28/01/2023 16:28

scepticalexpat · 28/01/2023 16:09

I guess everyone's baby is different but mine were pretty exhausting and it was a long time until I could bake or go out without them. I would have loved a massive cake.

I inhaled a cake daily during the cluster feeding and colic weeks. Mind you I’d have inhaled a bottle of vodka in those weeks quite happily too.

Get her the booze, OP! You can still drink when breastfeeding and she might fancy a cocktail. If she doesn’t, it’ll keep.

icanwearwhatiwant · 28/01/2023 16:32

Buy what you normally would. She isn't a new person because she had a baby and it would irritate me if people decided on my behalf that I couldn't enjoy my usual treats.

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:35

"I would def not bother with the alcohol as she won’t be able to drink if bf a newborn."

Why?

MistyRock · 28/01/2023 16:41

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:02

Nope. Treat her the way you've always treated her. I didn't feel like "I'd won" when I had a shower, not my experience at all. I found having a newborn fine.

If my friend usually bought me a decent vodka and then decided cause id had a baby I was only fit for a homemade sponge id be a bit Confused

Get her what you know she likes.

Agreed. After I had my son I tried extra hard with my clothes and make up. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I'd lost my mojo. Also, new borns are pretty easy in that respect. You pop them down and they don't actually go anywhere. There's plenty of opportunity to pop on a bit of make up. In fact I bought my first Chanel eyeshadow quad when he was about 6 months old. I felt a million dollars!

FavouriteSlippers · 28/01/2023 16:42

Get what you normally would get.

She can still drink
Still bake
Still cook
Still have a pamoer bath.

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