Is this a rubbish birthday present?

[Caneverybodyjustcalmdown]

A very good friend of mine has a birthday in a few weeks. She’s just had a baby (her first; about a week ago) and it’s just dawned on me that all of the things she usually enjoys will be put on the back burner for a while. In the past I’ve bought her alcohol (she loves trying different flavours of gin and vodka), vouchers for things like afternoon tea, and baking things (recipe books etc) as she really enjoys that. She loves make-up and girly things like that too.
From my experience of having a newborn, I felt like I’d won if I’d had a shower that day, so I doubt she’ll be practicing for GBBO or putting a full face of makeup on. I’ve thought about making her a cake but does that sound a bit rubbish? I want her to have something she can enjoy straight away rather than waiting until she’s ready to leave the baby for a day/night out (for example a voucher for afternoon tea). We usually spend £20-£30 in each other. Any advances on my cake idea? Thank you.

I would not want someone's home made cake, no thanks, I'd prefer a bought one.

Also new mothers can be quite precious about their baby's so suggesting that she takes a shower or break whilst you care for them is also a big no no. I would never have taken that offer up from anyone.

Buy her a usual gift or bring her some fancy baked goods which is more pleasant than a home made something.

Public health guidance + go to google scholar. Already posted links up thread. I don’t really want to get into writing a review for you - info is freely available. Don’t want to distract from the point of OPs thread further.

Anything other than this is not advised because it has deleterious effects on development.

I bet neither you, nor Public Health England, can provide one shred of scientific evidence that this is the case.

@WhiskersPete

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK501469/

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0890623816301083

www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/bfm.2018.0053

worldnutritionjournal.org/index.php/wn/article/download/623/548/

www.researchgate.net/publication/332263539_Alcohol_and_Breastfeeding_a_review_of_the_issues

@Robinni

The only thing those studies have evidence for that alcohol can reduce milk production.

Evidence for adverse outcomes in infants is very contentious. Those studies even admit that! Also, the studies are potentially flawed. For example, how can they possibly control for socioeconomic factors when measuring the impact?

They all basically say that because adverse effects can't be ruled out then abstinence is advised. This is completely different from proving a casual relationship between drinking whilst breastfeeding and detrimental effects.

It's also important to point out that there are, at least, an equal amount of studies in the literature which suggest no adverse effects on infants from alcohol consumption during breastfeeding.

Ok further arguments aside. If you are accepting of the fact that milk production is reduced leading to fussiness, altered sleep and reduced duration of breast feeding. Could this in itself not be considered a detrimental outcome as breast feeding is best for baby’s development?

I hear you that the research is conflicting and you are right that socioeconomic factors may not be accounted for. However there are multiple accounts there of negative outcomes, obviously more solid for those downing 50 beers a week. I thought the SA study was interesting as it did indicate a causal relationship.

As a mother it was enough for me to be cautious and I trust in the health guidance, running around saying it’s ok for bf women to get plastered isn’t responsible.

Start a separate thread to debate if you wish but please let OP get on!

I would have loved a cake! Meals went out the window in the newborn days and anything I could eat with one hand was a win.

Try using the foot cream as a hand cream - game changer honestly

I’d stick with the vodka 😋

A new top. Loads of women wear a limited number of tops during pregnancy and mat leave reduced income isn't the time to be splashing out on new clothes.

I'd just ask her. I don't really get this whole thing about "Presents have to be a surprise." Everyone's experience of the NB period is different.

@getreadyy as it may be her experience that baby is more demanding or showers are quick and practical, rather than long and indulgent.

every experience is different and it was suggesting ways to be there for a friend, plus building out the cake idea.

Maybe a takeaway voucher? And cake!

It depends on her and none of us know how she’s getting on. I’m exhausted and as much as I’d love a glass of wine, I’ll nod off with the newborn if I have a glass, so booze wouldn’t be for me at the moment. However if her other half can do a night shift she might love her usual treats. Personally cake sounds great and you could hedge your bets with a cake and a smaller bottle of something.

I’d get her a breakfast/meal kit or a pamper hamper. So it’s like the same stuff you’d normally get her but can be done at home.

I think if she enjoys baking, get her some stuff for that. 2 weeks after having my second I made a 3D train cake for my 3 year olds birthday. Why can't she cook because she has a newborn? I think it's an easier stage than when they're a few months old.
I'd appreciate being treated as the person I have always been than labelled a new mum. She will be the same person she was, and can still bake, drink alcohol etc! Yes, even when breastfeeding!

"as it may be her experience that baby is more demanding or showers are quick and practical, rather than long and indulgent."

Well if she's struggling the friend should offer to help anyway. It's still not a birthday present unless the friend is only offering once a year. And if so, then to answer the OPs question, yes it's a shit "present".

I enjoy baking but if a friend who usually buys me a nice bottle of gin for my birthday turned up with a bag of ingredients to bake a cake, just after having a baby, I would be slightly confused.

I sent my friend an afternoon tea basket from the local bakery when she had a new born. There are lots of companies which do this online so she can still have a treat.

www.bettys.co.uk/afternoon-tea-delivery

www.pigletspantry.co.uk/afternoon-teas/

www.devonheaven.co.uk/collections/cream-teas-by-post