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Original poster

Is this a rubbish birthday present?

95 replies

Caneverybodyjustcalmdown · 28/01/2023 15:50

A very good friend of mine has a birthday in a few weeks. She’s just had a baby (her first; about a week ago) and it’s just dawned on me that all of the things she usually enjoys will be put on the back burner for a while. In the past I’ve bought her alcohol (she loves trying different flavours of gin and vodka), vouchers for things like afternoon tea, and baking things (recipe books etc) as she really enjoys that. She loves make-up and girly things like that too.
From my experience of having a newborn, I felt like I’d won if I’d had a shower that day, so I doubt she’ll be practicing for GBBO or putting a full face of makeup on. I’ve thought about making her a cake but does that sound a bit rubbish? I want her to have something she can enjoy straight away rather than waiting until she’s ready to leave the baby for a day/night out (for example a voucher for afternoon tea). We usually spend £20-£30 in each other. Any advances on my cake idea? Thank you.

OP posts:
changeling2022 · 28/01/2023 16:43

I'd get an afternoon tea voucher

MimiSunshine · 28/01/2023 16:46

To the PP who said she won’t be drinking with a newborn if BF.

why wouldn’t she? You can of course drink alcohol if BFing. The amount you’d have to drink for it to get into your milk and effect the baby would put you in a coma 1st.

OP just get a good vodka if that’s what she’d likes and bake her cake.

everyone is different but I for one had great showers and leisurely applied my make up when I had a newborn, they just laid in the Moses basket watching me.

Suprima · 28/01/2023 16:50

Homemade cake isn’t a present. It’s just what you do for people who have birthdays….

Another one who agrees that she hasn’t had a personality transplant

get her what she likes

you can still drink alcohol and bf…

(i’ve had a few ‘new mum’ presents since I’ve had my baby- always stretch mark cream!!! I don’t have any and can never be bothered to moisturise anyway. I’d rather vodka)

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MistyRock · 28/01/2023 16:50

MimiSunshine · 28/01/2023 16:46

To the PP who said she won’t be drinking with a newborn if BF.

why wouldn’t she? You can of course drink alcohol if BFing. The amount you’d have to drink for it to get into your milk and effect the baby would put you in a coma 1st.

OP just get a good vodka if that’s what she’d likes and bake her cake.

everyone is different but I for one had great showers and leisurely applied my make up when I had a newborn, they just laid in the Moses basket watching me.

True. My breast feeding nurse encouraged me to have a glass of wine or a stout in the evenings, she could see that I wasn't coping well with my son in the NICU, he was a micro premie, and advised me to try and enjoy life again. Have a glass of wine in the evenings and try to get some quality of life again. I was expressing every 4 hours so a glass of wine really was a treat. A stout was good too for the iron.

Disappointingbiscuit · 28/01/2023 16:53

A long hot shower and a gin and tonic is an essential part of life with a newborn if you ask me. No idea why you wouldn't.

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 28/01/2023 16:53

Get her what you'd normally buy but maybe when you see her, mention about watching the baby for an hour or 2 if she ever needs it, but do not make it part of her present.

By all means make her a cake as an extra if you want as most people love cake!

stripedsox · 28/01/2023 17:00

I'm boring but I'd ask her for some ideas of what she'd like within the usual budget range. Something that she'd actually like.

WhiskersPete · 28/01/2023 17:03

I would def not bother with the alcohol as she won’t be able to drink if bf a newborn.

That's just simply untrue. It is fine to drink alcohol and breastfeed as barely any passes through to the milk.

stripedsox · 28/01/2023 17:06

Depends how much you are drinking, I think a standard drink is ok but not regular drinking as that would be deterimental to mum and baby.

RobinRobinMouse · 28/01/2023 17:08

I think I'd up it a little and take everything to create a full afternoon tea with her at hers - you could even take paper plates etc so that there's no washing up etc.

Wheresthecheese · 28/01/2023 17:09

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:35

"I would def not bother with the alcohol as she won’t be able to drink if bf a newborn."

Why?

Because you don’t drink if you’re breastfeeding, obviously!

Floralnomad · 28/01/2023 17:12

Get what you’d normally get , she’s the same person despite having had a baby .

Clymene · 28/01/2023 17:14

Public health announcement - t's fine to drink alcohol while breastfeeding

Sprig1 · 28/01/2023 17:15

How about an afternoon tea in a box that she can have at home? Lots of places do them around here.

GenAndWine · 28/01/2023 17:16

Wheresthecheese · 28/01/2023 17:09

Because you don’t drink if you’re breastfeeding, obviously!

Show quote history

I’ve been breastfeeding for almost four years continuously.

you better believe I’ve had a drink in that time.

SeasonFinale · 28/01/2023 17:16

Why wouldn't she still want/like makeup? You don't just not use makeup because you had a baby. Such a bizarre notion that her life has stopped and she is a non person now

Lulianna · 28/01/2023 17:19

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:35

"I would def not bother with the alcohol as she won’t be able to drink if bf a newborn."

Why?

@getreadyy because it isn’t the safest option so I wouldn’t encourage it. You have to wait 2hrs before feeding after any alcohol anyway and with a newborn feeds can be closer than this…

www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html

Might just be my own experience but I didn’t risk having a glass of wine until 4 months when I could be sure to get 2-4 hrs before next feed as didn’t want to harm baby.

SunSandAndLotsOfGin · 28/01/2023 17:19

We have a little cake shop that do afternoon tea takeaway boxes - they're beautiful. Sandwiches, scones and cakes all presented really nicely. I would get her something like that so it's similar to what you'd normally do but without the need to get childcare or needing to go if she doesn't want. She can enjoy it straight away. Maybe a bottle of fizz with it too.

Oliveandbay · 28/01/2023 17:20

Spa voucher

Mumoffairy · 28/01/2023 17:24

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:02

Nope. Treat her the way you've always treated her. I didn't feel like "I'd won" when I had a shower, not my experience at all. I found having a newborn fine.

If my friend usually bought me a decent vodka and then decided cause id had a baby I was only fit for a homemade sponge id be a bit Confused

Get her what you know she likes.

This this this.

EarringsandLipstick · 28/01/2023 17:26

getreadyy · 28/01/2023 16:02

Nope. Treat her the way you've always treated her. I didn't feel like "I'd won" when I had a shower, not my experience at all. I found having a newborn fine.

If my friend usually bought me a decent vodka and then decided cause id had a baby I was only fit for a homemade sponge id be a bit Confused

Get her what you know she likes.

Excellent post. Agree 💯

I'd have been very disappointed if a friend turned up with a cake (and I like baking too, and did loads of it on my mat leaves).

GenAndWine · 28/01/2023 17:36

Lulianna · 28/01/2023 17:19

@getreadyy because it isn’t the safest option so I wouldn’t encourage it. You have to wait 2hrs before feeding after any alcohol anyway and with a newborn feeds can be closer than this…

www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html

Might just be my own experience but I didn’t risk having a glass of wine until 4 months when I could be sure to get 2-4 hrs before next feed as didn’t want to harm baby.

Show quote history

NHS requirements for donating breast milk is no more than 2 units twice a week.

If that meets the requirements for the smallest and most ill babies I’m confident a mother at home with a healthy baby can have the occasional gin.

Calphurnia88 · 28/01/2023 17:38

DS barely cluster fed, barely slept and had had colic as a newborn so the shower was my safe haven for a while.

A homemade cake is a lovely idea but if you usually spend up to £30 on each other it doesn't seem enough.

Something I have really appreciated has been vouchers towards a beauty appt e.g. nails. Didn't use them during the newborn phase, but once I could leave him for a couple of hours I really enjoyed some (free!) pamper time.

Maybe a cake to enjoy now and a voucher for a beauty appt later?

StrawberryMuffins · 28/01/2023 17:40

Some women cut back a lot on drinking if BF, others don't. Some are delighted to leave the baby for a couple of hours, others don't feel able to. I didn't stop drinking but my drinking habits changed a lot and I went off wine (I think my body craved Bailey's for the calories...)

I think you need to find out which side of the fence your friend your friend is on now and judge it from there. If you're close enough to already know she has given up vodka etc then ignore everyone saying buy it all the same. But I think it needs to be similar value to what you'd usually get and just a cake wouldn't cut it, especially if she is likely to be given one anyway by her partner/family.

Maybe ask her if she would like an "outing" sort of present or not this year. That won't spoil any surprises whether she says yes or no.

TenoringBehind · 28/01/2023 17:55

Get what you’d normally get. It’s so nice to be treated as yourself rather than ‘x’s mother’ after having given birth.

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