Do you 'shout' at your children

[cantdecideforanother]

Just following on from a conversation with friends last night.

Do you shout at your children. Myself and DH don't really shout at dc (aged 7 and 10). I use other strategies and have never felt like I needed to shout and don't think it works but frilly I was made to feel like because I don't shout that I don't discipline them.

No. I raise my voice occasionally at my teen but not regularly. My DC are all generally well behaved. There are better ways to resolve issues.
I grew up with parents who shouted almost constantly and it was horrible.

Rarely, but I do shout about other stuff like what a mess the house is - then I apologise for being a grump

Yes but after (a lot of) warnings! Also if they're about to do something dangerous etc.

Only for danger.

Plus an occasional loud “Enough!”. Then I go back to normal voice (or quieter) as I find they listen better to that.

For sibling squabbles I just send them to different rooms. Turns out they can
argue in an empty room, but I don’t have to listen to it.

😂 you've beat me! I've shouted twice already

My oldest is only two so I have plenty of time to make mistakes but I only plan to shout to prevent someone getting hurt. My parents didn’t shout at me and I made it very clear early on to DH that I wouldn’t tolerate shouting in our relationship.

Mistakes happen but I don’t agree with shouting in general. It’s intimidating, I wouldn’t shout at an adult so why shout at someone so much smaller than me? Plus once you shout the argument is lost.

I’ve shouted when they’ve nearly stepped into a road or dangerous situation.

I don’t like shouting . When the children younger I very rarely raised my voice. As teenagers it’s harder - teenagers really push buttons and I spend time counting and breathing! So yes I have at times shouted! Sometimes with guilt after sometimes with relief! As my girls know if my voice is raised they’ve pushed the final button! And my two are really nice teenagers but occasionally they become the typical teen!

Only for danger, and that's more a 'Stop, that's hot!' kinda bark.

I left my abusive XH when my kids were 18 months and 6, and swore they'd never have a 'shouty house' ever again. My eldest is still on edge if he hears an angry tone to this day and not leaving sooner is my biggest regret (so far).

My youngest is now 6 and is very challenging and can be rude (yet perfectly behaved at school of course). There are days where I feel a shout brewing and I literally have to walk away so I don't because I know he will mirror the behaviour.

I sometimes do yes. That’s because I’m human. It’s not my go to strategy but then again I’m not perfect like you.

Yes, when kids (5&8) are hyper, loud and doing something that could be dangerous. If you are quiet they won’t pay attention when they are in that mood. You can say that they should not get in that mood, but I am not always successful monitoring them when chasing a toddler around.

Yes I used to if they were in danger of hurting themselves or if they were completely ignoring me and I had asked several times.

This!

No, all behaviour is communication even for adults. When adults shout and swear at children they have lost control. Shouting to a child to prevent a dangerous situation is different.

Parents (rightly) don't want teachers shouting at children even though they have 30 to control and keep on task so parents should hold themselves to the same expectations when they only have a handful of children. If children are adequately supervised you should be able to head off behaviour that would lead to a shouting situation well before it escalates.

Just while reading this thread my 10 year old is having a moment as we're low on milk (milks empty) and her milk to coco pops ratio isn't acceptable so she's refusing to eat it. She's sniping and it's difficult not to snip back and tell her to get over it.
Generally not a shouty person but when you've asked three little people repeatedly to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth etc and are being ignored it's usually followed with a stern 'right move it now.' And they move. I think they like to wait until I'm just about to lose patience and then happily comply. If they're running around the house like crazy children, noisy, boisterous then shouting to calm down, settle down is the only language they understand. That's usually when I predict it's all going to end in tears, they ignore me, continue and someone ends up crying. Kids eh.

My 13 year old who has ADHD and anxiety and is struggling more than ever with the dead of my DH, his dad, shouts A LOT. He is so brittle at the moment - everything has to be perfect, and he is so unkind to his younger sibling. He has 30 minute showers when running late for school when he’s promised he’ll be out in 5. He also spends literally hours a week assassinating my character. So yes, occasionally I flip and shout. I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship and I can’t get away. But I’m his only parent and I love him (and yes, I’ve put everything I can think of in place to try to help with the above. I’m still taking a ton of abuse, every day, 6.30am-11.30pm).

rarely in anger but i have 3 young children and they get so loud between them i have to shout so they can hear me over their row.

Yes. Honestly, my DS would try the patience of an absolute saint. I’ve considered ending my life over what I’m enduring at home. It was easy not to shout at my cute little toddler when he was a happy little boy and my husband was alive. Try not to be sanctimonious if you have a lovely life.

No. DS is 40 now but he has always been very mature and even when he was very young would say that shouting isn't very nice or kind. And it isn't.
It shows we don't know how to communicate properly and can't control anger which isn't healthy.
We've all been guilty of it of course.

Sorry to hear this. I was a single mum too and sometimes it all got a bit much. Fortunately DS was a placid self entertaining little thing but if he hadn't been I'm not sure how I would have coped tbh.

Yes I do, DD8 and DS5. I shout more than I would like too lately.

Same 😂.

“ you shouted at me “ said with a sad face

but I didn’t did I , I just said something in a firmer tone because you haven’t listened the other 1.8 million times Iv said it 🤣

but to answer OP no. Iv shouted very very rarely on the odd occasion Iv been super stressed out and I always apologise

like another poster said I was shouted at as a child and I hated it so would not like dc feeling upset like I was plus just generally I don’t think I’m a shouty person

Yes and it's because they don't respond to anything. Not that they respond to shouting either but it's usually frustration and feeling I've nowhere else to go. One DC is reasonably compliant but my older one is impulsive and stubborn and doesn't seem to pick up on a stern voice. Once he's 'flipped' to being in a stubborn mood no amount of reasonable tactics brings him back. It's really difficult (often it's the laying of boundaries that flips him as well). My other child is not like this.

Yes even though I don’t want to. I was brought up in a house where I was shouted at so it’s almost an instinct which I try to suppress but the children know exactly which buttons to push to make me mad. I feel awful as soon as I’ve done l it and am really trying not to but it’s easier said than done.

I have friends who are super calm and would never raise their voice - it’s their personality and I can see it in their children too. They are also so calm and sensitive. I am doing my best to learn from them but we are all human

Thank you, it is hellish. Work is the only only place I feel safe, and my job isn’t particularly easy.

Yes sometimes

I lose my temper at times, I’ve given in at times to make my life easier, I’ve been a lazy parent at times, I have taken away his PS4 and threw the controls away which ended up with ds screaming the house down because conversations were going no where, I have even while encouraging him to do his homework ended up practically doing it myself

oh and I have even let ds stay at home becuase quite frankly I was exhausted from the stress of getting him in school and lied and said he was poorly

Far from a perfect parent